Being your real self

[ThatFlyGuy]

I have social anxiety and have tried using Vrchat, 4chan, reddit, discord and really all matters of websites to find people I can relate to and be real with. But I can't open myself up to people and have shamefully abandoned so many relationships because I get so scared of people finding more than absolutely necessary.

I want to be vulnerable, I want to make life long friends, but the idea of even showing "ugly emotions" or allowing my real self to present is utterly terrifying and a disgusting idea.

I'm so horribly alone, I have friends but they don't know who I am, and I don't know who I am. I am a hideous reflection of other people until my glass breaks and I retreat to safety.

If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this and I hope your day goes well.

 

[aipuweth]

I don't think I'm the one who can give you the best advice, but I understand you very well. I also suffer from social anxiety and depression. This is the first site that I decided to socialize after a long while and I found here good honestly. Because my social anxiety has affected me online too and I was even afraid to talk to people online. I don't have too many experiences in real life but I think people in real life sucks. I haven't had a friend for almost 4 years and I'm not complaining about it. I just feel bored often and I can't even find a friend to play games with. But if you can find someone who you can trust, I think you shouldn't be so afraid. I know it's hard because we suffer from the same illness. You can see a therapist if you want some real help. I'm using 3 doses of Prozac and it doesn't work for me so much, but I still recommend you to see a therapist, I think it's better than nothing.

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

I doubt I even have a true self at this point when all of my personalities are just manufactured to accommodate different social situations. There used to be forums where you can just write virtual diaries anonymously and decide whether you want to allow people to comment back or not, but I don't know if they still exist. That might be a good place to start since you won't be directly interacting with another human being.

 

[amnesia999]

I have pretty bad social anxiety. For example, in May I spent a bunch of time in group therapy, and I really didn't want to open my mouth and talk most of the time. (Person-to-person is much easier. And knowing that you can trust people in a group setting also makes it easier. Sometimes people in the group will say things that "flip a switch" and make you know that you can pretty much trust them.)

I apologize if most of my boring, predictable advice is, "find a therapist and go from there", but what you want is to find someone you can trust, and a therapist is a good place to start. (Especially if you have health insurance.) If you don't like one therapist, tell them, and go look for another one. Half of the value in therapy is finding someone who you can talk to and who will have your back. Also, they can refer you to a psychiatrist who can maybe prescribe something to help you.

Unfortunately I haven't found any meds that make my social anxiety go away. Lorazepam (generic for Ativan) and Clonazepam (generic for Klonopin) help, but the anxiety is still there.

If you want to talk to me, that's fine with me.

Don't be scared of revealing your personality online. Relax. You don't want to tell people you don't know things like your address/phone number, of course, but otherwise, don't worry too much about it. They're not going to crawl through their cable connection to the internet and find you.

 

[peaceandlove]

Talking honestly to other people, being vulnerable, sharing thoughts, etc helps us to think things through and consider opinions and observations we wouldn't have on our own. In a way, that's how we can figure out who we are. Sounds like it might actually be impossible for you to be the first one to open up and share in a new relationship. I don't think you're the only one. I don't think it's hopeless, either. You're here, you're trying. When/if somebody trusts you enough to open up to you, shares an ugly feeling for example, maybe their courage will give you some and you can admit an ugly feeling of your own. Quite frankly, I think there are far better chances of you finding an opportunity like that in a place like this than irl or other places online. We can all be judgemental or misunderstand sometimes, but I promise it isn't always that way. I hope I'm being understanding.

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

One case is that you share or open up/allow yourself to be known by the other person and they don't like it. Having the same result as you abandoning speaking to them and never see or hear from them again. So the results are typically going to be the same, just one gives a bit of exposure and see how things work with people. Most people even would listen, allow it or potentially feel the same way

Just a way of thinking. I'm not saying its a "just do this, easy, simple". You'll obviously have your struggles finding your way through either way. Just sometimes people need to hear this, otherwise they may continue to be stuck in a bubble

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

No one has a "real self".