Venting Being Transgender in the UK.

[IKasatisI]

The burden of being Transgender while being barely functional is exhausting.

I've fought for the past year, dug myself out of some of the most horrific circumstances.

From being kicked out of my home by my parents for being Transgender, having to live with my brother and having to fight tooth and nail to find stability, the fight is getting exhausting. I'm in an incredible relationship where my partner does his best even with his circumstances, but I feel like a burden.

I feel entirely worthless and replaceable and it's only been getting worse.

Its 12:33 and I'm supposed to get up to work tomorrow and yet I just can't bring myself to close my eyes.

Constantly looking in the mirror and seeing a disgusting estrogenized freak and constantly seeking reassurance that I'm okay from my peers is just not the way to go.

Dealing with this constant cycle of staying in a job for 3 months and either quitting and getting fired has me spiralling, not to mention being shunned by a professional during an ADHD assessment and slapped with a 'Moderate Depression' diagnosis.

It's getting difficult and I want to end my suffering. The UK is horrifically bad for anything related to mental health support and getting slapped in the face with some shitty online service doesn't help me.

I have a holiday next month to look forward to, but even then the stress of everything has me not looking forward.

Thank you for listening.

 

[Sleeper System]

You have a brother who opened his home up to you and a relationship with someone who cares about you.
You have a job that allows you to support yourself to a degree.
One of the worst things about depression is it can obscure all the things we should be grateful for.
Depression makes everything not enough. It disconnects you from the things that have value.
There is nothing to do but take each day as it comes.
Try to find things to distract you long enough to push through til you're in your bed and get to sleep.