EmmaQanbana
What's there to love of an empty husk?
- May 31, 2023
- 48
So, for about 7 years and counting, I've been closeted trans irl and socially trans online. With all the stuff that's happening in the US and my household (minus my mother) have all had very strong opinions on homosexuals and trans people, so I was never really able to do anything about it.
I've always felt shitty hiding about me being mtf both online and offline, but I've always really felt like I didn't have a choice cuz I've always had the fear of hate and negative reception in general, I've always been afraid of it, so it led to a loop, lie and lie again until people found out, but unfortunately it's gotten me to a space where I'm untrustworthy and I don't think I'll ever pass as a woman. I never even really got to tell my friend before he ctb'd that I was trans and I wonder every day what he thinks (he was a member here in SaSu, but I don't think it'd be alright for me to say his username, I'm sure with some digging you'll find who I'm talking about though)
It's gotten to the point where my ex GF no longer trusts me and broke up with me as a result, and whether she intended to or not, gaslit me into thinking we'd have another chance to get back together only to then a few weeks ago say that she doesn't think we'd ever get together again.
Reap what I sow I guess haha.
I'm so goddamn tired, and no matter what I do, I'm stuck in this body, I'm stuck in this mask of pretending to be someone I'm not and I'm just infinitely wasting away until I inevitably CTB.
Yay.
I've always felt shitty hiding about me being mtf both online and offline, but I've always really felt like I didn't have a choice cuz I've always had the fear of hate and negative reception in general, I've always been afraid of it, so it led to a loop, lie and lie again until people found out, but unfortunately it's gotten me to a space where I'm untrustworthy and I don't think I'll ever pass as a woman. I never even really got to tell my friend before he ctb'd that I was trans and I wonder every day what he thinks (he was a member here in SaSu, but I don't think it'd be alright for me to say his username, I'm sure with some digging you'll find who I'm talking about though)
It's gotten to the point where my ex GF no longer trusts me and broke up with me as a result, and whether she intended to or not, gaslit me into thinking we'd have another chance to get back together only to then a few weeks ago say that she doesn't think we'd ever get together again.
Reap what I sow I guess haha.
I'm so goddamn tired, and no matter what I do, I'm stuck in this body, I'm stuck in this mask of pretending to be someone I'm not and I'm just infinitely wasting away until I inevitably CTB.
Yay.
