Venting Being trans in a third world country sucks and I am so lonely

[yuri77]

I'm broke and it feels like everyone around me hates me for being trans. My mom says I'm ruining her marriage, that I'm a disappointment. I can't even move out because I can't get a job or go to uni and I masked so hard for so long that now it feels like I'll never be able to transition in the future and because of that I don't see a future for myself. It honestly feels like there's no way forward like the only option left is to just die and disappear forever.
I broke up with my ex a month ago and I still cry about it every single fucking day. He was the only reason I felt like I could keep going and now that he's gone I have no reason left to keep me alive.
I'm not even scared of dying. The only thing stopping me is the guilt I feel.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

What would you say the barriers you face when it comes to work and education?

 

[yuri77]

What would you say the barriers you face when it comes to work and education?

No one would give me a job, I can't even work as a cashier if I am openly trans and I have to stay in a dorm with female students in uni and if they learn my identity I would get kicked out. I literally do not have a future because I don't belong anywhere and I am not accepted by anyone.

 

[cyanlove]

Are you visibly trans now? Or are you still masking? I don't pretend to know what it's like to experience that, but maybe masking in order to get a job and get some independence from your family might help.

 

[yuri77]

Are you visibly trans now? Or are you still masking? I don't pretend to know what it's like to experience that, but maybe masking in order to get a job and get some independence from your family might help.

I am still masking and I am not visibly trans anymore. If I can get in a uni I'll have to hide it for a long time... so yeah I am doing that rn but the dysphoria is awful.

 

[cyanlove]

I am still masking and I am not visibly trans anymore. If I can get in a uni I'll have to hide it for a long time...

How much longer until you graduate?

 

[yuri77]

How much longer until you graduate?

I've been a neet for 2 years I am not in uni atm.

 

[The Disqualified]

I'm broke and it feels like everyone around me hates me for being trans. My mom says I'm ruining her marriage, that I'm a disappointment. I can't even move out because I can't get a job or go to uni and I masked so hard for so long that now it feels like I'll never be able to transition in the future and because of that I don't see a future for myself. It honestly feels like there's no way forward like the only option left is to just die and disappear forever.
I broke up with my ex a month ago and I still cry about it every single fucking day. He was the only reason I felt like I could keep going and now that he's gone I have no reason left to keep me alive.
I'm not even scared of dying. The only thing stopping me is the guilt I feel.

I have seen so many trans people in this forum. It truly breaks my heart. The suffering which human beings have to endure solely because of their race, gender or sexual orientation pains me deeply.
Your mother's comments seem cruel. I hope you don't feel guilty like that. I would imagine you might be suffering right now.
A way out that I would suppose could improve your situation is working or pursuing a degree if you can. My degree is the only thing that is keeping me going these days.

I am still masking and I am not visibly trans anymore. If I can get in a uni I'll have to hide it for a long time... so yeah I am doing that rn but the dysphoria is awful.

Can't you go to an university because you are trans? What would happen if you just assumed yourself? I live in a third world country as well. At least here there are trans folks studying even if they are still struggling.
I don't know what your situation is like or how life is from your perspective, just wanting to know. If you get a job or degree, it could help you feel your life is getting back on track towards something.

 

[yuri77]

I have seen so many trans people in this forum. It truly breaks my heart. The suffering which human beings have to endure solely because of their race, gender or sexual orientation pains me deeply.
Your mother's comments seem cruel. I hope you don't feel guilty like that. I would imagine you might be suffering right now.
A way out that I would suppose could improve your situation is working or pursuing a degree if you can. My degree is the only thing that is keeping me going these days.

Thank you so much for your kind words I really appreciate it. I feel guilty about being trans because if I was normal my life would be good. It is my fault for being this way, being different from everyone else. I try really hard to understand and love my mom, our bond grew stronger after I lied to her and said I wasn't trans anymore. It made me realize that I will never be able to live as myself if I want to make others happy and make them accept me. I have ADHD and undiagnosed illnesses so studying is really hard for me and my country's education system is extremely shitty and cruel. If I can't get in uni this year either I think I will definitely kill myself.

I have seen so many trans people in this forum. It truly breaks my heart. The suffering which human beings have to endure solely because of their race, gender or sexual orientation pains me deeply.
Your mother's comments seem cruel. I hope you don't feel guilty like that. I would imagine you might be suffering right now.
A way out that I would suppose could improve your situation is working or pursuing a degree if you can. My degree is the only thing that is keeping me going these days.

Can't you go to an university because you are trans? What would happen if you just assumed yourself? I live in a third world country as well. At least here there are trans folks studying even if they are still struggling.
I don't know what your situation is like or how life is from your perspective, just wanting to know. If you get a job or degree, it could help you feel your life is getting back on track towards something.

For the second part: I could get in uni as a trans person too but I would get bullied really badly and I wouldn't be able to find a place to stay but also I am not planning to be visibly trans again.

 

[hurb]

I hug u fren

 

[yuri77]

I hug u fren

Ty bro <3

 

[blush]

i understand hug. it's not fair and you don't deserve the hate you're getting.

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

dude you're literally me :( I hate it here and everyone around me is an asshole
but I hope u can get into uni and transition in the future <3 wishing you the best

 

[dirkw83]

So as someone who transitioned and then de-transitioned a decade ago, my advice would be to really make sure you are actually trans, or that you are something else (or nothing at all even). A lot of my problems were fixed once I stopped living as a transgender and trying to figure out who I really was - it turned out I wasn't trans, I just had all kinds of views of the world that made me think I was. I think a lot of problems can come from misdiagnosing yourself. Sensitive subject but I think you need to take it into account, I'm not trying to make light of your situation or trying to dismiss it.

 

[yuri77]

So as someone who transitioned and then de-transitioned a decade ago, my advice would be to really make sure you are actually trans, or that you are something else (or nothing at all even). A lot of my problems were fixed once I stopped living as a transgender and trying to figure out who I really was - it turned out I wasn't trans, I just had all kinds of views of the world that made me think I was. I think a lot of problems can come from misdiagnosing yourself. Sensitive subject but I think you need to take it into account, I'm not trying to make light of your situation or trying to dismiss it.

I am probably considered de-trans too, I had to stop taking DIY hrt and presenting as trans so i've been living as my agab for like 2 years and it made me even more suicidal. I was happy with myself and the changes while taking hrt. I understand some people are more confused than others but I've been trans and knew my gender since I was 5.

dude you're literally me :( I hate it here and everyone around me is an asshole
but I hope u can get into uni and transition in the future <3 wishing you the best

I hope you can transition in the future too, and meet better people. It is sad to see how many people relate to this kind of life. I wish you the best too <3

 

[(Alex)]

Im really sorry that you have to go through all that, I believe each third world country has its own unique situation regarding what lgbtq community obstacles, as a nonbinary living in a country that criminalizes anything related to lgbt community im living to lives to be safe I strongly advise you to do so and seriously consider to flee this hell country as fast as possible, I could never understand how hard it's to have ADHD and have to study so im really sorry for that other than that im able to go to uni and i know many trans friends of mine that found jobs but all of them and me included had to mask anything that shows our true genders and we only be ourselves if we are at home, i wish everything gets better for you and i wish you have a friend that you can talk to when you are blue; if not please never hesitate to talk to me