Being sucidal in your 20s

[FireFox]

I never imagined my 20s would be spent being constantly sucidal.
I dont see myself living past 25 years old .

Growing up i always heard sucide prevention in teenagers but being sucidal in your 20s is whole new level.

I can longer see myself living longer. Death no longer scares me
I cant relate to sucide preventions campaigns espcially on social media

It feels so weird

 

[selfhater]

i feel u

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

It feels surreal sometimes

 

[Partial-Elf]

I think most people are told a sort of fairy tale growing up about what their life will be like. In the fairy tale, at 25 you're told you'll be:

• Just jumping off into a career that promises a comfortable lifestyle
• In a social circle with many friends your own age and with similar values
• Married, or in a relationship with serious long term potential
• More or less healthy physically and mentally
• Financially and emotionally independent from your parents

I know that I'm 0/5 on that fairy tale list and that's part of why I'm suicidal. Even a bigger part is that I blew a relationship that would've gotten me 3 out of 5 because I'm a fuck up.

Does anyone else relate to this fairy tale not measuring up to the reality thing?

 

[Mistake of Nature]

I think most people are told a sort of fairy tale growing up about what their life will be like. In the fairy tale, at 25 you're told you'll be:

• Just jumping off into a career that promises a comfortable lifestyle
• In a social circle with many friends your own age and with similar values
• Married, or in a relationship with serious long term potential
• More or less healthy physically and mentally
• Financially and emotionally independent from your parents

I know that I'm 0/5 on that fairy tale list and that's part of why I'm suicidal. Even a bigger part is that I blew a relationship that would've gotten me 3 out of 5 because I'm a fuck up.

Does anyone else relate to this fairy tale not measuring up to the reality thing?

I can absolutely relate, I'm in my late 20's and haven't even gotten close to accomplishing any of those things. The shame of being unable to function like a normal adult is overwhelming. The worst is knowing that I've wasted and will continue to waste away my youth, and knowing that I'll have nothing to show for these years whenever my life ends.

 

[Ashleyrodriguez]

Being a teen and being suicidal I feel is different from being in your 20's and suicidal. It is a whole other level of pain inside and I feel since we are a bit older and think more about the decisions we make it makes it harder to go through with the suicide.

 

[Alec]

Suicide prevention campaigns feel weird to me too, especially all those "uplifting" stuff about prevention on social media, I used to kinda like them but now they just feel weird and I can't relate and more they feel empty and superficial. I'm in my twenties too.

 

[nothingleft]

This "mental health awareness and acceptance" surge is disconcerting. Just links to suicide hotlines, which most people who've used them say are pretty fucking useless. My university has the words "it's okay to not be okay" on its fucking homepage. Fucking lol. Yeah right. It's not okay at all. They have no idea what they're talking about.

 

[dietsodamnsad]

I totally get you, the first time I tried to take my life I was 14. I'm 21 now so it's weird and kind of distressing that I've been feeling like this for so long. I find that as soon as people find out my age they dismiss my struggles because 'I have such a long life ahead of me' or whatever.

 

[ThisIsIt]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm in my late 20s. I'm college educated, and most of my friends are college educated as well. 99% of us aren't married, 50% of us have never worked in a "professional, white collar" position, 99% of us don't own a home, and like 75% us are still rooming with the same people we knew 10 years ago before we went off to college. This goes for men and women. It's like FightClub if the narrator was an overqualified warehouse worker, bartender, or waiter.

And this is a large part of the reason that I'm on here. I'm nearing 30, and all I'm doing is living for myself. I have no purpose in life aside from working for some rich guy so that he can relax by his pool on the weekends and take vacations with family in his private jet.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I don't fear neither. I live everyday as my last. But I always make an effort to do my best in my daily tasks. It's difficult. But the day I take my life I will tell myself that I did my best

 

[Partial-Elf]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm in my late 20s. I'm college educated, and most of my friends are college educated as well. 99% of us aren't married, 50% of us have never worked in a "professional, white collar" position, 99% of us don't own a home, and like 75% us are still rooming with the same people we knew 10 years ago before we went off to college. This goes for men and women. It's like FightClub if the narrator was an overqualified warehouse worker, bartender, or waiter.

And this is a large part of the reason that I'm on here. I'm nearing 30, and all I'm doing is living for myself. I have no purpose in life.

Not sure if it makes me feel better or not tbh. On some level I think this is a product of larger social and economic factors, but I can't adequately explain what those are. I had these things within my grasp but I let my depression and alcohol problem mess it up. Hard to keep moving forward after that

 

[Squiddy]

I know how you feel. I'm 21 and I feel done with this life

 

[FireFox]

I think most people are told a sort of fairy tale growing up about what their life will be like. In the fairy tale, at 25 you're told you'll be:

• Just jumping off into a career that promises a comfortable lifestyle
• In a social circle with many friends your own age and with similar values
• Married, or in a relationship with serious long term potential
• More or less healthy physically and mentally
• Financially and emotionally independent from your parents

I know that I'm 0/5 on that fairy tale list and that's part of why I'm suicidal. Even a bigger part is that I blew a relationship that would've gotten me 3 out of 5 because I'm a fuck up.

Does anyone else relate to this fairy tale not measuring up to the reality thing?

100% spot on.
I am turn 23 my life is just a mess.

This "mental health awareness and acceptance" surge is disconcerting. Just links to suicide hotlines, which most people who've used them say are pretty fucking useless. My university has the words "it's okay to not be okay" on its fucking homepage. Fucking lol. Yeah right. It's not okay at all. They have no idea what they're talking about.

I hate mental health campaigns .
I am so sick of hearing this mantra seek help.
There is NO Fucking help . I tried seeking help on the NHS and they never contacted me. They say they sent letters to my house for me to respond whether i agree to the treament . I never even recieved any letter.

Waiting lists in my area are 10 months and you only get 8 sessions.

 

[ThisIsIt]

Not sure if it makes me feel better or not tbh. On some level I think this is a product of larger social and economic factors, but I can't adequately explain what those are. I had these things within my grasp but I let my depression and alcohol problem mess it up. Hard to keep moving forward after that

The only thing I got from college was $30,000 worth of debt, 5 years of not working in a manufacturing plant as a floor worker, and a drinking problem. It didn't work out for me, and it didn't work out for half the people I know, and it's not like my grades were bad. I would have been better off financially and career wise if I had spent those 5 years in the workforce--that's 5 years of industry experience and roughly $200,000 worth of income that I will never see in my life, because everyone told me I needed to go to college.

You didn't miss out on anything.

 

[devil]

ugh the worst part is when everyone asks you what you plan on doing with your life since you're just " in your 20's " but like you've been suicidal your whole life so you didn't think you would even make it this far, let alone even come close to think about what to do " in the future " does that make sense? i hate constantly being questioned about what i plan on doing with my life. like seriously, it sucks.

 

[FireFox]

I dont even see myself turning 30

My sucide is inevitable because the future scares me so much and dont want to see it
Everyday I wish i her and it kills me i am not .

She is still with man i always wanted and has a career(recruiment consultant)

I hate going to church becauae i go to church with all have careers and relationship.

I hate meeting people because everyone wants to know what you are doing

 

[Partial-Elf]

I messed up the quotes/replies, but...

@ThisIsIt I did go to college and I graduated but haven't made more than you would've made in the factory. $36k my first year, but I chose my major like a complete idiot. I had a lot of cool life experiences in college and also developed my drinking problem there. I miss it like hell now.

@liesgreedmisery Being suicidal really does impact your ability to plan for the future. I spent a lot of this year trying to decide about suicide rather than applying for different jobs. Now in the midst of the pandemic I'm glad I stayed put, who could've guessed? Part of my job is helping people develop a plan for their future and the ones who are blatantly or seemingly suicidal ones really struggle with it.

 

[ThisIsIt]

I messed up the quotes/replies, but...

@ThisIsIt I did go to college and I graduated but haven't made more than you would've made in the factory. $36k my first year, but I chose my major like a complete idiot. I had a lot of cool life experiences in college and also developed my drinking problem there. I miss it like hell now.

I miss it like hell also haha. But, I was also completely miserable while I was there, hence all the drinking. It was just a simpler time.

I chose my major like a jackass also. I majored in what I wanted to do. I have a degree in writing that I'll never use.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I think most people are told a sort of fairy tale growing up about what their life will be like. In the fairy tale, at 25 you're told you'll be:

• Just jumping off into a career that promises a comfortable lifestyle
• In a social circle with many friends your own age and with similar values
• Married, or in a relationship with serious long term potential
• More or less healthy physically and mentally
• Financially and emotionally independent from your parents

I know that I'm 0/5 on that fairy tale list and that's part of why I'm suicidal. Even a bigger part is that I blew a relationship that would've gotten me 3 out of 5 because I'm a fuck up.

Does anyone else relate to this fairy tale not measuring up to the reality thing?

Yep. I 100% relate. My 20s have actually been worse and more suicidal than my teens because the fairy tale I was told didn't match my reality. I'm now in my late 20s and a 0/5 on that list. I too ruined a relationship that would have gotten me a 4/5 if I hadn't fucked up. And now it's too late for me. Everyone says 20s and 30s are still young but some mistakes and traumas can't be overcome.

 

[TimeLawyer]

I definitely feel this I'm in my early 20s but have been suicidal and struggling with life ever since I was 10. I feel really uncomfortable when I see all those posters saying "just ask for help" "just keep fighting" I have fought against my own suffering for a long long time. I am young, but I feel so old and tired. My life has become a tangled mess and I tried but it has become a Herculean task just to fix it. I used to think wow, it will be amazing if I make it to 30. Now, ctb and being at peace is far more appealing.

 

[taylor321]

ya i get what ur saying, living to be 25 just seems too long. I dont wanna live to be 25 or 30 if im still alone and hurting. If something changed in my life maybe id reconsider, but ive basically always been alone. I dont have a group of friends to hang out with. I dont have anywhere to go when im scared or feeling like shit. It hurts, being alone in the world hurts. Nobody should be forced to live when that persons quality of life is next to nothing. I just want one true friend... thats all i ever wanted. I want someone to hug me and be there for me. I want someone to do stuff with. I hate being the way i am. I hate myself so much.

 

[coreofanapple]

I'm turning 22 this year. My life is going nowhere, I can't stick to a job, and I can't follow what I really want because I'm a prisoner in my own mind. I live with my family still, and it makes me feel stunted and behind everyone else. I get the feeling my mom would rather I stay forever and be a dependent little shell of who I'm meant to be.

Everyone was definitely more understanding when I was young. Now it's like "either get it over with and die or get your act together " I've got a lot of stuff I could rant about but I'll leave it at that.

 

[Timetodie90]

I'm 30 in October and I've be suicidal on and off since I was about 12. I actually had tried to ctb when I was 9. It's awful. I can't say I know exactly how you feel but it's awful. I recently had a failed attempt. My first proper attempt. If that makes sense.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

24 and currently going to college for cis.
Nothing good is coming out of this so I just said fuck it and told them they dont care about me succeeding, nobody cares, i dont care for death seems like the final escape.

 

[Partial-Elf]

I miss it like hell also haha. But, I was also completely miserable while I was there, hence all the drinking. It was just a simpler time.

I chose my major like a jackass also. I majored in what I wanted to do. I have a degree in writing that I'll never use.

Wow, kindred spirits. I was also miserable for much of the time and it was during college that I first became truly suicidal and played around with hanging.

My degree is also writing related–English teaching. I'm not the right kind of person to be a teacher and if I get riffed as a result of this economic meltdown I'm looking at starting at an electrician apprenticeship or trying to get into a brewery somewhere. For some reason I can't seem to just leave of my own accord... too much uncertainty I guess, especially with the pandemic.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I hear you I will turn 26 in a few days had I just killed myself like I methotically planned when I was 18-19 years old and moved out just for the purpose to ctb I would have spared myself 6-7 years of suffering I have literally experienced NOTHING in my 20´s Childhood and teenage years are living adulthood is just existing

I hope tonight or at least in the next day or two I will ctb I don´t want to exist any longer it´s pointless I even just watched a 40 minute goodbye video taken back in April 2019 and nothing has changed only that my existence has gotten worse, it feels like I just made that video but it was a year ago time goes by so fast I just wanna be a child again and I don´t want to suffer anymore.

 

[waterbottleman]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm in my late 20s. I'm college educated, and most of my friends are college educated as well. 99% of us aren't married, 50% of us have never worked in a "professional, white collar" position, 99% of us don't own a home, and like 75% us are still rooming with the same people we knew 10 years ago before we went off to college. This goes for men and women. It's like FightClub if the narrator was an overqualified warehouse worker, bartender, or waiter.

And this is a large part of the reason that I'm on here. I'm nearing 30, and all I'm doing is living for myself. I have no purpose in life aside from working for some rich guy so that he can relax by his pool on the weekends and take vacations with family in his private jet.

I'm in your same age group, late twenties.

I'm college educated too and worked in an IT job for a couple of years after I finished college before I quit that job last year.

I feel like I've been in the "real world" long enough to see how anti climatic and disappointing adult life is. I have no purpose in life, but I also am so unattractive/undesirable that I can't enjoy dating/sex/romance in my free time because I've been dismissed/rejected in that arena.

So I ask myself what is the point of living now, what do I have to look forward to anymore? As far as I can see past the horizon, all I see in my life is years/decades of working in a job I don't really enjoy, facing my youth disappear as I deal with the consequences of old age, being lonely the entire time, and the best moments I have will be just doing the few hobbies I have left that I increasingly find myself being unable to gain pleasure/satisfaction from.

People always tell me the same thing when I explain this picture of my life to them "You just need to find some hobbies." I've had hobbies for years and years. However you can't help but see how boring/mundane this kind of life is. So I go to the same place for work year after year, sleep, eat, exercise, and do my hobbies on my free time.

I don't see that as a life worth living. What's the point? Besides the existential issues, I don't even get a hedonistic sense of enjoyment from life either. If I had a flourishing social and romantic life I'd at least be able to enjoy that but I'll never get to experience that. The most I'll ever get in the dating arena is a girlfriend who settled for me, doesn't really love me, doesn't really find me desirable, but settled for me because I'm a stable, reliable, and trustworthy person. Yeah no thanks, I'm never settling for a pathetic relationship like that yet I know that's all I'll ever get in this world.

My suicidal ideation in my opinion is a rational evaluation of my circumstances and when I die I plan on writing this in detail in my suicide note. Why my decision to end my life wasn't some impulsive decision but was well thought out.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

I know how you feel. I'm 22 and my life is a ridiculous sequence of bullshit after bullshit. Things only went downhill once I made 18.

 

[s1mplem3]

Death is death no matter what age and suicide prevention is a shit.