Sorry -- I wanna say I understand your frustration, but I also realize our situations are quite different, so I don't want my comparison to come off as rude.
I'm a lesbian, and I feel pretty similar to you. I'm a bit younger, but living in an extremely homophobic country. Not a very social person, so my exposure to queer people in my area is like… none. Even then, most of these queer people are likely closeted due to social pressure.
I feel that desire to just settle down and share a life with someone. Every passing year the dread of falling behind creeps up more and more. My life is moving forward, and it becomes harder and harder to relate and find common ground with people. Plus my location doesn't really help. Laws are constantly being passed in an effort to suppress anyone who isn't cishet.
Ugh, sorry for the vent. It's been on my mind a lot lately. You're definitely not alone in this. You seem like a lovely person who deserves a no less lovely wife, and I'm certain there is a huge possibility of it happening!
I wish you great luck!
Not rude at all! I appreciate the solidarity.
I'm American. Im not sure where you're from or what the legal status of marriage and such is in your country, but you can get married in all 50 states here. It's a lot easier to be gay in American now than it was like 20 years ago. I remember a time when people would openly discuss wanting to inflict violence on gays. I had a 'friend' who discussed beating up a gay friend until they were straight.
This sort of open hostility to gay people isn't really a thing here anymore. American homophobia is more of the "as long as you don't wave it in my face and act sexual at pride, we're good" variety. People are coming out younger than ever before. In comparison to your situation, I likely have nothing to bitch about.
The real threat to conservative Americans now is trans and gender non-confirming people. My state is the first to have drag story hour banned by the governor. Ridiculous. I'm really worried for my trans brothers and sisters. Considering that roe vs wade is overturned and Florida passed a "don't say gay bill," I can't be positive gay rights will stay intact, but I admit I'm currently very privileged.
My issue isn't really homophobia. It's more like you said- a worry that time is running out and it's getting too late to meet someone, and not knowing any gay people. The queer ladies I know are either taken or too young for me, or long distance. WLW have a smaller dating pool, and it sucks. I could get a boyfriend tomorrow, but it's not what I want. And the "older" I get the more I slip into a doomerist mentality. There's also biphobia which I have experienced and it sucks. I haven't had a long term gf and it makes me insecure lol.
Don't apologize for venting. Its my pleasure to congregate the queers of SaSu. We need each other.
I don't know how commenting limit vs. PMs work on the site, but if you ever need an ear to listen to more rants, I'm here.
I appreciate the offer. You're too sweet.
The more we want something/someone, the more desperation we unconsciously exude which makes said something harder to obtain cause it's a turn off. What a cruel twist of fate that is. Whatever age you are should not stop you finding some. Little old grandmas make the news with their love stories after all. Sounds like you just have high standards. That's no bad thing, hey? Maybe reframe it that way.
I don't think I have too high of standards. I prefer post-op but I don't exclude trans woman (I mean hello they're woman, I just want soft skin and breasts, and hormones do that), and I don't have a specific type. Butch, andro, femme, like I'm attracted to all.
My only preference is like, not too young (even 24 feels too young but maybe I'm just too paranoid about being creepy with age gaps,) no terfs/bigots (like is that too much to ask?), and not too prissy (long fake nails are a personal turn off lol sorry.) also prefer outdoorsy/active types, but I live in a mountain town, so that's easy to find.
I think my real problem is I just don't know any queer girls my age around here, and I've had little luck on dating apps. I did have a date but I blew her off, and idk if I should message her being like, "hey gorg didn't mean to disappear I had a breakdown but I'm good now you still wanna do archery or you taken lulz" or just move on as it's been almost 2 months lol.
I think insecurity is my biggest problem, yes. I think you and everyone else who suggested I focus on myself for now is right, as I'm probably not in a healthy place to date. Of course I worry I'm losing that window of time to marry and it's gonna be too late, and people are gonna wonder what's wrong with me cuz I'm still single, and all that. But confidence is key and I have none, so I should probably get that first lol.
Like you can probs smell the desperation and insecurity from the screen probs not attractive.
I haven't thought about relationships in a while. Honestly, I think I would be more or less happy living solo for the most part. Might be lonely but at least I wouldn't have to stress about it. I'm pretty young though so my feelings will probably change about it at some point.
I was the same way when I was 19. Honestly I really didn't even want a relationship until I was like 26, and by then I felt like I was drying up and getting 'old' and my chances to find someone was getting smaller and smaller. Maybe I'm just being dramatic lol. But it hurts to see most ppl my age in a steady relationship. Feels like all the good ones are already taken. I should probably stop comparing myself to other people?
At your age settling down is like the least of your worries. Maybe you'll change. Maybe you'll be a proud bachelor. It worked for Edward Gorey.
I hope I can find love. It just feels fucking hopeless. And knowing how much of a mentally ill train wreck I am makes it feel even harder to find love.
