Venting Being on this board is re igniting my ctb urges

[MrDarkness]

I started to browse this board due to being curious about methods, thank god I found out about the sn method. Anyway being on here makes me extremely depressed, I feel so sad to see all the people who ctb like it's awful, they are people and the only reason they died is because the world was too cruel for them, my personal life has anyways been all over the place, I'm think of buying sn when life begins to much to handle as of right now I'm fine. I hope I don't sound selfish or anything. Just wanting to know if people feel the same. Have a good day to you blessed people, and you keep being smiles

 

[Anon1337]

You can self disable if you want to leave or you could hide the suicide discussion section and focus on recovery.

 

[MrDarkness]

You can self disable if you want to leave or you could hide the suicide discussion section and focus on recovery.

I know, but I can't my heart won't let me, it's telling me to stay and try to help and at least make some people happy, guess this is my punishment from above for being a caring soul. But thanks for the advice

 

[FuneralCry]

I see suicide as being a positive thing actually as it's a way for one to take control over their inevitable fate and prevent unnecessary suffering in the process, the non-existent cannot suffer and are free from this hellish reality so I think they are the fortunate ones.

The only awful and tragic thing is how there is so much senseless cruelty in this dreadful world and to die solves what the true problem is which is existence in itself, suicide is a relief for so many in this world, I mean we are all destined to die anyway so all that suicide is, is just someone deciding to take control over their inevitable fate, death could never be "awful" as nobody can be harmed by not existing.

To me suicide is the ultimate form of self care as I see existence as being a terrible burden, it's such a cruel undeserved punishment having the ability to exist in this harmful world and the thought of not existing forever is the only comfort, I envy those who have left. I could never be delusional enough to actually wish to be tortured by old age as that's all that existing leads to, existing is just a futile, pointless struggle that was totally unnecessary in the first place, existence was a horrific mistake.

 

[MrDarkness]

I see suicide as being a positive thing actually as it's a way for one to take control over their inevitable fate and prevent unnecessary suffering in the process, the non-existent cannot suffer and are free from this hellish reality so I think they are the fortunate ones.

The only awful and tragic thing is how there is so much senseless cruelty in this dreadful world and to die solves what the true problem is which is existence in itself, suicide is a relief for so many in this world, I mean we are all destined to die anyway so all that suicide is, is just someone deciding to take control over their inevitable fate, death could never be "awful" as nobody can be harmed by not existing.

To me suicide is the ultimate form of self care as I see existence as being a terrible burden, it's such a cruel undeserved punishment having the ability to exist in this harmful world and the thought of not existing forever is the only comfort, I envy those who have left. I could never be delusional enough to actually wish to be tortured by old age as that's all that existing leads to, existing is just a futile, pointless struggle that was totally unnecessary in the first place, existence was a horrific mistake.

That's very true, life is a curse it's shit, but some things are to keep living, the smile of loved ones, the smell of the trees, how lovely animals are. But at the same time, does it make up for the horrors of reality?

 

[sulli]

it's very kind and admirable to want to stay and try to help people here, though i'd question where it's a cause worth giving up your own life for. not because i don't think we're worthy of help, but because a lot of us don't want it and/or are beyond the limited help you can provide from over the Internet anyway. maybe try at least limiting your time spent on sasu first?

 

[Anon1337]

I know, but I can't my heart won't let me, it's telling me to stay and try to help and at least make some people happy, guess this is my punishment from above for being a caring soul. But thanks for the advice

People will be much more receptive in the recovery section.

 

[kråkevind]

I feel so sad to see all the people who ctb like it's awful, they are people and the only reason they died is because the world was too cruel for them,

I understand what you're saying. It is very sad to see so much hurt going on with others that don't deserve it. I hope that they have found some kind of solace by coming on here and being able to talk freely about how they feel without repercussions.Maybe it changed their minds, if not at least they went with dignity and on their own terms. With the ones looking for recovery here on this site, I hope they find it, make new friends, and are able to keep going strong.

 

[MrDarkness]

it's very kind and admirable to want to stay and try to help people here, though i'd question where it's a cause worth giving up your own life for. not because i don't think we're worthy of help, but because a lot of us don't want it and/or are beyond the limited help you can provide from over the Internet anyway. maybe try at least limiting your time spent on sasu first?

I should limit I just keep coming back, I try to spread kindness and love because that's what needed most, sadly I'm cursed with not being able to feel any, but your right

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

it's very kind and admirable to want to stay and try to help people here, though i'd question where it's a cause worth giving up your own life for. not because i don't think we're worthy of help, but because a lot of us don't want it and/or are beyond the limited help you can provide from over the Internet anyway. maybe try at least limiting your time spent on sasu first?

The only way a human could me is by assisting me in suicide or by giving me a ton of money that I can use to make my suicide more reliable because my main goal is suicide for me . But no one would want to do that . I think they consider helping me something that makes them feel better not my feelings my goals . Suicide is what I want and I rationally thought about this for years after i finally started thinking and researching reality before i was just reacting and following other people's programming of me. The only things I want are things that will help me commit suicide to kill these monstrous 30 trillion cells i'm inprionsed in they call a human body.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Then i suggest you take a break of stay off it entirely

 

[MrDarkness]

The only way a human could me is by assisting me in suicide or by giving me a ton of money that I can use to make my suicide more reliable because my main goal is suicide for me . But no one would want to do that . I think they consider helping me something that makes them feel better not my feelings my goals . Suicide is what I want and I rationally thought about this for years after i finally started thinking and researching reality before i was just reacting and following other people's programming of me. The only things I want are things that will help me commit suicide to kill these monstrous 30 trillion cells i'm inprionsed in they call a human body.

I feel the same way, If I could die peacefully rn I would, but i also can't because what would my loved ones do without me. I hope you find peace either in living or In death

 

[metalpi]

Of course it would, however I want to have a happier exsistence as I possibly can before ctb, I don't see myself dying without being happy for awhile. It would just be depressing, I want to be excited when the time comes knowing I lived life how I want to with the restraints life has then die more peacefully

 

[MrDarkness]

Then i suggest you take a break of stay off it entirely

Your right, but my soul is clinging to this board, it's like I found a calling I always knew my fate was going to die via ctb I just wish I could make a few people smile on this board before I pass

Of course it would, however I want to have a happier exsistence as I possibly can before ctb, I don't see myself dying without being happy for awhile. It would just be depressing, I want to be excited when the time comes knowing I lived life how I want to with the restraints life has then die more peacefully

True very true, couldn't have said it better my friend

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I feel the same way, If I could die peacefully rn I would, but i also can't because what would my loved ones do without me. I hope you find peace either in living or In death

I don't want to find peace in living . the only peace for me is in suicide my dying and not existing . no one can convince me of anything otherwise. I thought about this for many years thousands of times in many ways. I despise this life, this world , these cells they call a human body i have no words never will i want to find peace in this evil life evil world.

No one can convince to not commit suicide. I will do it. nothing in this world will stop me .

The only thing that gives me pleasure is the thought of me exiting this life to non-existence forever

 

[MrDarkness]

I don't want to find peace in living . the only peace for me is in suicide my dying and not existing . no one can convince me of anything otherwise. I thought about this for many years thousands of times in many ways. I despise this life, this world , these cells they call a human body i have no words never will i want to find peace in this evil life evil world.

No one can convince to not commit suicide. I will do it. nothing in this world will stop me .

The only thing that gives me pleasure is the thought of me exiting this life to non-existence forever

I hope you find peace either in living or death, god speed

 

[cami]

those people who ctb, the only thing we can do is be happy they have found some semblance of peace. it's tragic but this world is tragic. what is there to do?

 

[MrDarkness]

those people who ctb, the only thing we can do is be happy they have found some semblance of peace. it's tragic but this world is tragic. what is there to do?

True life is an endless struggle