Being NORMAL is exhausting! (PART II)

[WornOutLife]

It's been a month since I posted PART I so, time for an update:

I've decided to try to become a normal person so as to give life a second shot but...what do I mean by "normal"?

Well, what I mean by normal is basically doing what most people do: have no suicidal thoughts, study, work, pretend to always be okay while talking about things such as the weather, have drinks with work-mates, and just do whatever life puts in front of me! (I'd also say getting married and having children but I just can't do that.)

However, this is exhausting.

Suicide is on my mind 24/7 and my moods change because of my bipolar disorder are impossible to control.
For example, I have quit alcohol and feeling sober everyday makes me realize how much (my) reality sucks. Yesterday, I was thinking of ctb constantly. I was like..."Why making an effort to live if I can end this right now?"
Nevertheless, now I'm like "Okay, I can do this. I'll be normal, try to have a healthy life and mind, and be next to my day and dog till the end of their days!"

Normies might be an offensive term but I really admire those people. Just living with common worries such as "paying your taxes" is awesome. I wanna be a normie too but I know I will never be able to be like that.

I've always been different. I just can't ignore the universe surrounding me, the afterlife, the possible eternal nothingness waiting for me, the meaning of life and death, etc.

Anyway, my vent is over.

Any thoughts? Anybody else trying to lead a normal life but finds it exhausting?

 

[Amumu]

Oh well yes I've tried many many times, but it was no use for me.
We have to get a standard mind and a standard appearance to fit in,
And it's exhausting when we don't have them naturally.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh well yes I've tried many many times, but it was no use for me.
We have to get a standard mind and a standard appearance to fit in,
And it's exhausting when we don't have them naturally.

I couldn't agree more!
The standards of society are just too much for us! Pretending all the time sucks lol.

 

[Symbiote]

Accept that suicidal thoughts is a part of life. It is for me, and the more I accept that and not suppress it, it starts to wane a bit. The more you hold it back, the stronger it becomes. I live a pretty normal life while my thoughts rage on in my head, I don't talk to much about those thoughts, but I read enough news on the Internet and watch enough Netflix to make myself relevant in conversations with other people. Also, take time off for yourself. Isolate, meditate, for a day, do solitary things by yourself to recharge since being normal and having interactions is quite draining.

 

[brokenwaves]

spent the majority of my life living the lie of "normal," telling everybody what they wanted to hear and being who they wanted me to be. that shit is exhausting and i eventually exploded from repressing it all for so long. life is painful, but even more painful when living a lie. and at this stage i just don't have the energy needed to play the part of normal it's exhausting. i just don't find the normal life possible to live while being severely mentally ill unfortunately

 

[Endeavour]

I did the whole normal thing - qualifications, good job, wife, kids, house, then started own business to spend more time with wife and kids.

But she turned out to not be who I thought she was, and we split up. Now I rent and have no house, whiile she does. She has a great job while my business has gone down the tubes, so no job or money and all alone.

I'm too old to start again from nothing, I don't want another relationship, so what's left?

Whatever you do, whatever path you choose, at some point you die and leave it all behind anyway.

 

[WornOutLife]

I did the whole normal thing - qualifications, good job, wife, kids, house, then started own business to spend more time with wife and kids.

But she turned out to not be who I thought she was, and we split up. Now I rent and have no house, whiile she does. She has a great job while my business has gone down the tubes, so no job or money and all alone.

I'm too old to start again from nothing, I don't want another relationship, so what's left?

Whatever you do, whatever path you choose, at some point you die and leave it all behind anyway.

I feel so like you!
I don't want another relationship either. I've had enough.

Your last words are very interesting. Sooner or later we leave all behind and end up being forgotten!

 

[Endeavour]

I feel so like you!
I don't want another relationship either. I've had enough.

Your last words are very interesting. Sooner or later we leave all behind and end up being forgotten!

Yes in 100 years time who will remember any of us?

It made me think today or yesterday I saw a story about Adam Smith "the father of capitalism" still remembered 300 years after he died or whatever it is, but it's only his ideas that are remembered, and he is under attack now for being a bad man because of slavery or something.

I'd rather be forgotten LoL.

 

[WornOutLife]

Accept that suicidal thoughts is a part of life. It is for me, and the more I accept that and not suppress it, it starts to wane a bit. The more you hold it back, the stronger it becomes. I live a pretty normal life while my thoughts rage on in my head, I don't talk to much about those thoughts, but I read enough news on the Internet and watch enough Netflix to make myself relevant in conversations with other people. Also, take time off for yourself. Isolate, meditate, for a day, do solitary things by yourself to recharge since being normal and having interactions is quite draining.

Thanks for the advice! Definitely taking some time off (just like this weekend) will help!

 

[nopointofliving]

It's been a month since I posted PART I so, time for an update:

I've decided to try to become a normal person so as to give life a second shot but...what do I mean by "normal"?

Well, what I mean by normal is basically doing what most people do: have no suicidal thoughts, study, work, pretend to always be okay while talking about things such as the weather, have drinks with work-mates, and just do whatever life puts in front of me! (I'd also say getting married and having children but I just can't do that.)

However, this is exhausting.

Suicide is on my mind 24/7 and my moods change because of my bipolar disorder are impossible to control.
For example, I have quit alcohol and feeling sober everyday makes me realize how much (my) reality sucks. Yesterday, I was thinking of ctb constantly. I was like..."Why making an effort to live if I can end this right now?"
Nevertheless, now I'm like "Okay, I can do this. I'll be normal, try to have a healthy life and mind, and be next to my day and dog till the end of their days!"

Normies might be an offensive term but I really admire those people. Just living with common worries such as "paying your taxes" is awesome. I wanna be a normie too but I know I will never be able to be like that.

I've always been different. I just can't ignore the universe surrounding me, the afterlife, the possible eternal nothingness waiting for me, the meaning of life and death, etc.

Anyway, my vent is over.

Any thoughts? Anybody else trying to lead a normal life but finds it exhausting?

I always wanted to learn new things, to explore the universe around me. As a kid, I wanted to travel from one star to another :D I'm 29 years old now, I'm not married, no kids, I have no regular job (I'm not a normal person, right). Then, I said ok, I need to be normal. However, thinking of marriage and regular boring jobs really tires me... it's really exhausting for real. I can't be a normal person. I have to accept myself.

 

[WornOutLife]

thinking of marriage and regular boring jobs really tires me... it's really exhausting for real. I can't be a normal person. I have to accept myself.

I can relate at a 100%.
I don't want neither a marriage nor children nor being a slave in a regular job.

That's why I've become my own boss and I just teach private English lessons. I only work as long as I want.
Sure, I don't get a lot of money but I don't have to be in the 9-5 hell.

If I could do it, I bet you can too!

I have this friend from Venezuela who even makes a living by typing captcha and completing online surveys! So amazing.

 

[nopointofliving]

I can relate at a 100%.
I don't want marriage nor children nor being a slave in a regular job.

That's why I've become my own boss and I just teach private English lessons. I only work as long as I want.
Sure, I don't get a lot of money but I don't have to be in the 9-5 hell.

If I could do it, I bet you can too!

I have this friend from Venezuela who even makes a living by typing captcha and completing online surveys! So amazing.

Matt,your reply gives me some hope:)