Venting Being loved and still having a desire to die

[Moonshinee]

I know that love is not the only thing needed for a fulfilling life. But there's a ridiculous element to it, knowing people love me yet I don't feel remorse for what I'm about to commit to, knowing that people care about me. I don't think suicide is selfish, and I've never have thought so, but I wish I could give people this love; to hand it over. This feeling, this desire to die, is ever-present, all-consuming, and drives me to the point of nausea. I am upset and upset and filled with an overwhelming desire to die. And I wish I wasnt to be loved, but what is it worth for those I love to suffer because of the death of someone the likes of me? My friends took me hiking in Scotland, my family bought me a car, sent me to a prestigious university, and they all showered me with love. And then I'll die. And I will die, and what will come from this love will be grief. I wish I was unlovable, I wish they hated me in the name of something else.

 

[carnivalforone]

i wish i was loved thats all ive ever wanted :/ but i know what you mean

 

[edu0z]

I know that love is not the only thing needed for a fulfilling life. But there's a ridiculous element to it, knowing people love me yet I don't feel remorse for what I'm about to commit to, knowing that people care about me. I don't think suicide is selfish, and I've never have thought so, but I wish I could give people this love; to hand it over. This feeling, this desire to die, is ever-present, all-consuming, and drives me to the point of nausea. I am upset and upset and filled with an overwhelming desire to die. And I wish I wasnt to be loved, but what is it worth for those I love to suffer because of the death of someone the likes of me? My friends took me hiking in Scotland, my family bought me a car, sent me to a prestigious university, and they all showered me with love. And then I'll die. And I will die, and what will come from this love will be grief. I wish I was unlovable, I wish they hated me in the name of something else.

the day they stop loving you... you'll want the time to come back

 

[nightmare_moon]

I feel you. My sibling loves me dearly and I'm also in a loving relationship with a wonderful girl, yet I'm still depressed and sleeping all day. I often spite them for being the one thing keeping me from ending it all because holy shit do I want to do it; It's frustrating having them stop you. It's a sort of jealousy that everyone else lives for their goals and happiness yet I choose to live to make others happy even if I know I'm being used for comfort. I can understand having potential and having a supportive community yet still wanting it to end. I hope you find happiness somewhere.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

To each their own. No judgement here. I feel like anyone can kill themselves for whatever reason they want.

 

[Moonshinee]

the day they stop loving you... you'll want the time to come back

I only want their love to stop so they dont suffer my grief. of course i'll be saddened, i love them too. but i love almsot too much. my death, it'll be horrible on them.

I feel you. My sibling loves me dearly and I'm also in a loving relationship with a wonderful girl, yet I'm still depressed and sleeping all day. I often spite them for being the one thing keeping me from ending it all because holy shit do I want to do it; It's frustrating having them stop you. It's a sort of jealousy that everyone else lives for their goals and happiness yet I choose to live to make others happy even if I know I'm being used for comfort. I can understand having potential and having a supportive community yet still wanting it to end. I hope you find happiness somewhere.

i really understand what you mean!! i feel the same way, that my being was to essentially make others life just that more convinient. its driving me mad, and to take my own life is to break free from fate, basically.

I feel you. My sibling loves me dearly and I'm also in a loving relationship with a wonderful girl, yet I'm still depressed and sleeping all day. I often spite them for being the one thing keeping me from ending it all because holy shit do I want to do it; It's frustrating having them stop you. It's a sort of jealousy that everyone else lives for their goals and happiness yet I choose to live to make others happy even if I know I'm being used for comfort. I can understand having potential and having a supportive community yet still wanting it to end. I hope you find happiness somewhere.

i really understand what you mean!! i feel the same way, that my being was to essentially make others life just that more convinient. its driving me mad, and to take my own life is to break free from fate, basically.