Being "kind" to yourself?

[WeslieZX]

Hello everyone. I've browsed these forums for a few years but never posted until recently. My suicidal thoughts and depression have gotten really bad to a point where I don't want to overwhelm the people around me and I can see them getting tired of it, so I decided this forum would be a better place to express myself.

I don't know if I have much point in posting this thread but to vent. But does anyone else oftentimes receive the advice to "be kind to yourself", and get frustrated? It doesn't make sense to me at all. I know that I'm worthless and a terrible person. Everything I do is fucking wrong. I work a deadend office job with no possibility of upward mobility, while going part-time through a school program that I half-ass and don't even care about. I barely have any friends, and have never even been in a relationship. I have no meaningful or impressive skills to speak of. I've had years and years to improve myself but have never been able to commit myself to anything. Why in the fuck should I be "kind" to myself? And what does being kind to myself even look like when I hate everything about myself?

 

[bennay]

Hello everyone. I've browsed these forums for a few years but never posted until recently. My suicidal thoughts and depression have gotten really bad to a point where I don't want to overwhelm the people around me and I can see them getting tired of it, so I decided this forum would be a better place to express myself.

I don't know if I have much point in posting this thread but to vent. But does anyone else oftentimes receive the advice to "be kind to yourself", and get frustrated? It doesn't make sense to me at all. I know that I'm worthless and a terrible person. Everything I do is fucking wrong. I work a deadend office job with no possibility of upward mobility, while going part-time through a school program that I half-ass and don't even care about. I barely have any friends, and have never even been in a relationship. I have no meaningful or impressive skills to speak of. I've had years and years to improve myself but have never been able to commit myself to anything. Why in the fuck should I be "kind" to myself? And what does being kind to myself even look like when I hate everything about myself?

People say that to me and it's the most infuriating thing! I have just come to the conclusion that it's because they don't understand so they're just filling in the silence.

 

[kurisutinabestgirl]

I very much relate :)!

I hate the be kind to yourself sentiment. As you said, I know I am terrible. I can't just ignore that fact, I don't wanna become delusional and keep convincing myself that I am great. I would rather hate myself but be actually aware of the sad reality.

 

[Pure]

It's such dumb advice

 

[Snake of Eden]

I very much relate :)!

I hate the be kind to yourself sentiment. As you said, I know I am terrible. I can't just ignore that fact, I don't wanna become delusional and keep convincing myself that I am great. I would rather hate myself but be actually aware of the sad reality.

This hit the spot for me. I used to think i am great just to protect my fragile self esteem and keep going. Now the illusion was shattered I am in reality at the expense of seeing myself for who I am and I cant live with that

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, the way to be kind to myself would be to ctb, and prevent decades of suffering. I know I deserve peace, I deserve better than this life.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

I've tried to be kind to myself countless times, but I always end up hating myself even more.

 

[logi3535]

to be fair i don't think theres much to say. When we're depressed, i think we usually just want someone to stick through it all with us, but in the end we know and think that its not likely because of how we see ourselves. But i understand this sentiment well, being told to "take care of myself" feels like they're saying goodbye, and it hurts to think about being left alone, but oh well.

 

[Argo]

This is basically an inward vs. outward view kind of thing. Usually people lean one way-- they see the totality as the problem, or they see themselves as the problem. For people whose perspective/story says "I am the problem", being kind to yourself will be unrelatable. It's usually not black and white, and these perspectives can change back and forth or exist simultaneously. Everyone has some parts of them they dislike, and some parts of reality as a whole they dislike. Being kind to yourself is just a way of appealing to the idea that it is not your fault, but rather a big picture problem. It's worth looking into deeply because I think blaming yourself only contributes to more pointless suffering than needs to exist, not just for you, but because blaming yourself also logically leads to blaming others.