toyu
Not sure how to feel.
- Jul 31, 2024
- 34
Everything is just completely useless. I been trying to get better for quite a long time, all the meds do to me are make me feel nothing (except sometimes anger). The doctors have prescribed me multiple SSRIs, none of which have worked, but instead of giving me any other type of medicine, they give more SSRIs.
I'm no longer super depressed, and I no longer actively want to kill myself, but I don't see it as a good thing as much as everyone else around me seems to. I miss feeling, even if the feeling was terrible, and even if it would lead to my eventual death. Now I just feel like even more of a shell of myself. The emotional blunting that naturally develops doesn't help either.
My motivation, which is the main reason I wanted to start meds, hasn't improved much either.
Tried therapy once, that went bad.
It seems like half of the world is evil for no godamn reason, and it seems like nobody wants to do anything about it.
Every time I try to love someone, it just ends up bad for me. I know logically that I just shouldn't try with relationships, but I'm human. With everything in life it's just a fight between the logical side of my brain and the emotional side.
My last relationship lasted a year and made me want to end my shit crazy style. I broke up, and then had feelings for this one person for a long time, got with them, and I loved them so much, and was actually happy, and then randomly they want a break (nothing against them, just upsetting). I don't know what I did wrong, it's only been a month. I'm not an idiot, I know this will be the end.
My friends piss me off even though I think I love them very much. I can't tell if any of the way I act and feel is geniune, or just my brain playing a character for myself and others.
Everything is so useless, I don't want to do anything. I wish I just didn't have to, it's exhausting. I don't even have any real responsibilities yet, I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
If you read my ramblings thanks. Been a while since Ive poste
I'm no longer super depressed, and I no longer actively want to kill myself, but I don't see it as a good thing as much as everyone else around me seems to. I miss feeling, even if the feeling was terrible, and even if it would lead to my eventual death. Now I just feel like even more of a shell of myself. The emotional blunting that naturally develops doesn't help either.
My motivation, which is the main reason I wanted to start meds, hasn't improved much either.
Tried therapy once, that went bad.
It seems like half of the world is evil for no godamn reason, and it seems like nobody wants to do anything about it.
Every time I try to love someone, it just ends up bad for me. I know logically that I just shouldn't try with relationships, but I'm human. With everything in life it's just a fight between the logical side of my brain and the emotional side.
My last relationship lasted a year and made me want to end my shit crazy style. I broke up, and then had feelings for this one person for a long time, got with them, and I loved them so much, and was actually happy, and then randomly they want a break (nothing against them, just upsetting). I don't know what I did wrong, it's only been a month. I'm not an idiot, I know this will be the end.
My friends piss me off even though I think I love them very much. I can't tell if any of the way I act and feel is geniune, or just my brain playing a character for myself and others.
Everything is so useless, I don't want to do anything. I wish I just didn't have to, it's exhausting. I don't even have any real responsibilities yet, I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
If you read my ramblings thanks. Been a while since Ive poste
