Venting being female is hell (Kind of TMI)

[dysthymia]

I'm tired of being in pain all the time. For 17 days a month, I have uterine cramps. I hate menstruating, I've been suicidal since I was 12 over having periods and it's been 6-7 years now. My breasts ache for no reason. It's unfair that women have to go through pregnancy and childbirth, but this part doesn't bother me that much because I'll never bring a child into this hell

And there's the societal problems. I saw a quote "I saw a lone boy on the highway and thought that could be me. But then I remembered I was born a woman and could never be that free" and I felt it in my bones. I can't even go outside alone. I'm not interested in sex so the one "benefit" women get is irrelevant for me, plus most women don't orgasm from sex anyway. My parents hate me for not being a son. I had a traumatic event that happened just bc I'm female.

If I was born a man, I wouldn't have chronic pain at the very least. I'm so young and suffering from chronic pain already. And you know what their reaction was when I seeked help? "it's normal, deal with it" fuck that noise. I will ctb if it means i'll be relieved of chronic pain. I'm tired of taking pills to manage it

Even if I didn't care about my gender, I'm also autistic. It's like I was set up to fail! Well-played, god. And even if I wasn't autistic, I also have CPTSD.

I'm a special weirdo, because I'm the only one I know who's suicidal over menstruating. I know you can stop it by pills, but I hate taking pills. Even if I was cured of it, I still hate being female. I hate having a high pitch voice, less muscles, being short, having female sex characteristics, etc. And no, i'm not trans cuz I don't feel like I'm a man. And even if I am, that changes nothing and actually makes me more sad cuz this world is transphobic as fuck

I just don't like being human. Either way I'm trapped in a fleshprison and I long for ascension and freedom. I really hope there's a wonderful afterlife to compensate for my suffering

 

[killmepleasefast]

i really felt this!!! hate that i was born as female

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I sympathise. I can't say I want to CTB because of them but, I hate periods. I hate the pain and I hate just how disgusting they are. That said- I'm like you. I'm not trans. I don't have any great desire to be male either. I just don't like being female! You're right though- just being human is probably shit- whichever gender you are. But yeah- my womb and all that went with it was such a waste... I don't want children either. I wish they'd given me a tick box to opt out. I love Sarah Millican- female comedian- do you watch her?

The relevant but starts at 12.35 mins...

 

[touhoufan]

I'm sorry to hear about your chronic pain. Have you never looked into alternatives that could help lessen the recurring pain? I don't mean the obvious birth control but rather estrogen patches, or IUD? I know it doesn't fix everything, but atleast it'd help with that!!

 

[ropearoundatree]

I'm really sorry for everything you've had to go through, and for all of your tremendous suffering for such a prolonged period of time on a regular basis. I've heard that this is more common than is known, and if that is the case (that more people have it, than others are aware), then maybe that is only due to the fact that it's not the sort of thing that one runs around advertising to people. I'm just really sorry you've been dealt these cards and it seems life is both cruel, and unfair, as well as unkind all of the time for some. It's just unfortunate when, you didn't do anything wrong, or there's no rhyme or reason or any good explanation that I can think of, or have heard anyone ever give, as to one person is it seems cursed with this, while others are not. For it to be a large part of the reason why you are here is very tragic as well. I just hope you can find some peace, some how , some way, going forward and going ahead. Take great care!

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I feel you OP. My periods used to be so bad that I was bedridden for 3 days and my boyfriends were horrified by seeing me in so much pain regularly. The best thing was having to go to work with 9 out of 10 pain and not being able to say what is wrong because of the tabu. ^^ And yes I lost jobs because of it.
This is more common than we think unfortunately 1 in 10 women has endometriosis and it takes several years to even get correct diagnosis.
Taking a synthetic hormonal replacement (that's what contraception actually is) is not always option because many women experience severe side effects from it as well.
I would try to see an endometriosis specialist and if you are sure that you don't want children a hysterectomy (uterus removal) might be an option.

 

[Anri_wants_peace]

as someone that wishes so hard to have been born a she...

 

[Kasumi]

I'm kind of having a hard time relating to some things here, such as having to still go to work, not being allowed to talk about it like wtf?
I mean,.. you're probably from the US or some ME country I'd imagine, it's really sad to see people be so outdated in places of the earth, once again I'm glad for living in Europe.
Sure it's not all roses either, but it's less widespread, some dumb people still nag you but the general public is a little more open-minded.

Only cause you don't like being a woman or even feel dysphoric about it doesn't mean you have to be trans,.. maybe you just don't like being a woman, are agender or whatever.
To begin with I don't think it matters much to put a sticker on everything, you are who you are and people should accept that and take you seriously.

I've had luck so far about getting taken serious for my problems by doctors,.. but I've also heard from enough people here who got to the wrong doctors and weren't taken seriously, still it happens a lot less here I feel like.