Hi, I'm bpd too. I can totally relate to all you say. Is your diagnosis new? Bpd can be recovered from, it takes hard work and time but many can significantly improve their traits and behaviours. I have good management of my bpd and am now trying to address my identity and self worth issues. Seek and do all you can to access dbt therapy, make sure they are personality disorder specialist, do the group therapy as well as 1-1, it's essential in bpd treatment. Address the trauma if it's relevant. Bpd is horrid, for many it is fatal, but not all. Don't believe the stigmas believe in Yourself! And those days you can't manage that, always believe in unicorns. Stay Beautiful