dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
Yup, I've been clinically out of depression since my blood results of Testosterone levels are between accepted range, since 9moths ago.
After 20 years, we found it was low testosterone which made me so impaired.
Today i feel fine in that regard.
LIFE could be enhanced if more than just a chemical balance occurs, today I saw myself as the little kid who mistrusts, who's afraid, and who wants to be hugged and reassured everything will be fine.
I have to look out and take care of the inner children in me.
Turns out things I want to do in life require risk, requires me to act, which is not as easy ad I would like. It is almost as if it also required me to be willing to be fail. Because it seems I want to act only in a win basis, but life is not like that.
I need to make the commitment to act upon my goals, I'm required to give up the dream of the big picture and just start small with basic things.
I'm heart broken too, well ego injured and hurt from a girls decision to push a away, but I get it and I'm doing great in comparison to 10 months ago when I almost drank my N.
But I'm required to do things that I have not been inclined to do, that might seem foolish for many people that I might result in making a fool a myself.
I want to live life now that I got one, and to that I realized i seriously have to give up weed, because it really does pushes me to do nothing.
I I want to live life and be willing to make a commitmet if I find again a woman I like. How stupid of me to push away the last woman who asked me to commit. Fool I was.
But maybe i wasn't ready that day, I had like 4 months into recovery, could commit without knowing I'll be fine. Without knowing im a man and I'll do whatever necessary to provide.
I need that certainty now , the certainty that I will act and do things.
But actually doing them is a little out of the mind scope that unlike to be in. I like to be in my thoughts in my head, and focusing my attention outward is a little disturbing.
Specially when I'm required to communicate with someone else. I'm lousy at doing that, and I want to get better, if you have any advice its welcome!!!
After 20 years, we found it was low testosterone which made me so impaired.
Today i feel fine in that regard.
LIFE could be enhanced if more than just a chemical balance occurs, today I saw myself as the little kid who mistrusts, who's afraid, and who wants to be hugged and reassured everything will be fine.
I have to look out and take care of the inner children in me.
Turns out things I want to do in life require risk, requires me to act, which is not as easy ad I would like. It is almost as if it also required me to be willing to be fail. Because it seems I want to act only in a win basis, but life is not like that.
I need to make the commitment to act upon my goals, I'm required to give up the dream of the big picture and just start small with basic things.
I'm heart broken too, well ego injured and hurt from a girls decision to push a away, but I get it and I'm doing great in comparison to 10 months ago when I almost drank my N.
But I'm required to do things that I have not been inclined to do, that might seem foolish for many people that I might result in making a fool a myself.
I want to live life now that I got one, and to that I realized i seriously have to give up weed, because it really does pushes me to do nothing.
I I want to live life and be willing to make a commitmet if I find again a woman I like. How stupid of me to push away the last woman who asked me to commit. Fool I was.
But maybe i wasn't ready that day, I had like 4 months into recovery, could commit without knowing I'll be fine. Without knowing im a man and I'll do whatever necessary to provide.
I need that certainty now , the certainty that I will act and do things.
But actually doing them is a little out of the mind scope that unlike to be in. I like to be in my thoughts in my head, and focusing my attention outward is a little disturbing.
Specially when I'm required to communicate with someone else. I'm lousy at doing that, and I want to get better, if you have any advice its welcome!!!
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