being chronically ill makes me hate being alive

[strawberry_lemons]

i cannot stand existing in this body. ever since the symptoms started i have not known a days rest, all i can feel is the pain the shoots up my legs after having fun. my hips are inable to support themsevles constanly shifting out of place. i love to draw and write but it aches. moving my joints hurts. being alive hurts. im going to stay around for as long as my cat does because as much as i love life no one person should bear this much phyical pain. it gets worse with age and i cant stomach the thought.

i never had it easy i first got my taste of cruelity at 4 years old from a despicable act, then from 6-11 i was abused horribly. 12 i when my ed started and 13 is when i stared to sh. my lover and best friend was mentally ill and i just, he but all the pressure on me. i had to take care of him while negligeting myself. he loved me but in all the wrong ways. he offed himself and told me ahead of time. what the hell was a closted 14 year old kid supposed to do? i couldnt tell my parents they were chirstans and i was dating someone. i hold his death as my guilt every day.

its been almost one year since i have not taken advandge of by anyone the longest strech since i was 5.

my parents told me god would help me, does this seem like something a kind god would do? i am aching in every way as i type this its the fire shoots up my very nervers. i want to be alive but i cant im guesssing my cat has 7-8 years left, ill do the best i can in that time but it hurts. i wish i couldve been loved like a small child just once. forgive me for my falluires and my disquallifcation as being apart of the human race

sincerely strawberry_lemons, thanks for reading.

 

[whywere]

My heart broke in a million pieces reading your thread. I too have 24/7 chronic pain and I know the daily challenges trying to live.

I 100% love, care and understand where you are, you are FAMILY to/for me, as before SaSu I had no family nor friends in my 67 years and for the first time I have family and that really includes YOU.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and want the best for you and I give you huge hugs, love, caring and the knowledge that you are NEVER EVER alone and that you are part of me.

I may be older, but age is a number when it comes to helping and caring about folks like YOU and I send you lots of sunny blue skies and the knowledge that you are loved and cared about so very much.

I am what I am, and I care because until SaSu nobody gave a damn about me and now I want to help and give you a smile.

Walter

 

[golden_triforce3]

I feel you. I've dealt with chronic issues my whole life. Recently, things got worse and I can barely cope anymore.
The discomfort and fear that my health will probably just keep deteriorating has been consuming my life.
I've always had CTBing in the back of my head, but I'm only now considering it seriously and doing the research on how to accomplish it.

I also relate to the struggles of being queer. I hope you were able to find love and community even if outside of your family.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

while i can't imagine someone that young having hip issues, please tell me you are not 15. i sympathize with you either way.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

while i can't imagine someone that young having hip issues, please tell me you are not 15. i sympathize with you either way.

my age is undisclosed but i am under 21

My heart broke in a million pieces reading your thread. I too have 24/7 chronic pain and I know the daily challenges trying to live.

I 100% love, are and understand where you are, you are FAMILY to/for me, as before SaSu I had no family nor friends in my 67 years and for the first time I have family and that really includes YOU.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and want the best for you and I give you huge hugs, love, caring and the knowledge that you are NEVER EVER alone and that you are part of me.

I may be older, but age is a number when it comes to helping and caring about folks like YOU and I send you lots of sunny blue skies and the knowledge that you are loved and cared about so very much.

I am what I am, and I care because until SaSu nobody gave a damn about me and now I want to help and give you a smile.

Walter

thank you so much for the message it means the world to me, i hope you too have a great time as well <3

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

nothing the useless docs can do?

 

[strawberry_lemons]

I feel you. I've dealt with chronic issues my whole life. Recently, things got worse and I can barely cope anymore.
The discomfort and fear that my health will probably just keep deteriorating has been consuming my life.
I've always had CTBing in the back of my head, but I'm only now considering it seriously and doing the research on how to accomplish it.

I also relate to the struggles of being queer. I hope you were able to find love and community even if outside of your family.

ive done the best i can despite my situation all i can say is i have at least one very dear irl friend

nothing the useless docs can do?

its untreatble im afraid, all they can do is tell me to stick it out

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i'm really sorry to hear that. everything i get seems to have no cure either. just annoyances compared to what you're going through or extremely painful but eventually goes away. again, very sorry.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

i'm really sorry to hear that. everything i get seems to have no cure either. just annoyances compared to what you're going through or extremely painful but eventually goes away. again, very sorry.

thank you for the sympathies, i do my best with the time i have and try to help as many as i can

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you've been through, it's just cruel how people have to suffer so unnecessarily in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[MiMif]

i cannot stand existing in this body. ever since the symptoms started i have not known a days rest, all i can feel is the pain the shoots up my legs after having fun. my hips are inable to support themsevles constanly shifting out of place. i love to draw and write but it aches. moving my joints hurts. being alive hurts. im going to stay around for as long as my cat does because as much as i love life no one person should bear this much phyical pain. it gets worse with age and i cant stomach the thought.

i never had it easy i first got my taste of cruelity at 4 years old from a despicable act, then from 6-11 i was abused horribly. 12 i when my ed started and 13 is when i stared to sh. my lover and best friend was mentally ill and i just, he but all the pressure on me. i had to take care of him while negligeting myself. he loved me but in all the wrong ways. he offed himself and told me ahead of time. what the hell was a closted 14 year old kid supposed to do? i couldnt tell my parents they were chirstans and i was dating someone. i hold his death as my guilt every day.

its been almost one year since i have not taken advandge of by anyone the longest strech since i was 5.

my parents told me god would help me, does this seem like something a kind god would do? i am aching in every way as i type this its the fire shoots up my very nervers. i want to be alive but i cant im guesssing my cat has 7-8 years left, ill do the best i can in that time but it hurts. i wish i couldve been loved like a small child just once. forgive me for my falluires and my disquallifcation as being apart of the human race

sincerely strawberry_lemons, thanks for reading.

my heart broke while reading this. I hope you get better in whichever way you can.

 

[TheDog_]

Do you have EDS?

 

[strawberry_lemons]

Do you have EDS?

i do!

 

[TheDog_]

i do!

I could tell by the hip stuff. I don't have EDS but I'm hyper mobile enough that I have pain and gastrointestinal problems. I hate the hyper mobility community. Sometimes I feel that chronic illness influencers romanticize the sinking hole that is the disorder. Anyways, I'm sorry. I have yet to find someone with EDS that isn't proud to have it in some way. I would do anything to be healthy or be free. I hope you can find peace. If you don't want to die I think you'd like support groups if you don't mind some toxic positivity
I'm sorry if my reply sucked. I'm just so bleh right now. I wish you had never suffered in the first place