J
jojobanana
Student
- Oct 8, 2023
- 132
So I made a huge mistake today.
I wasn't coping well and did not sleep at all. I woke up early and phoned the out of service counselling team available to me.
In the past when I've spoken to them about planning and how I feel I've been honest that I know how I'll do it. I've never told them how. I have SN. They just asked me questions about what it was and how you use it. I didn't tell them what it was or how i got it. I just kept repeating that I was safe today. Though I feel I may use it soon.
So I said the wrong things and they phoned my friend and then called ambulance to do a welfare check. I basically begged them to not let them come to my house because i'm so afraid of them. A few people phoned me. The ambulance crew twice, the counselling team and the out of hours team.
They kept questioning me about what it was. They said they got the impression it was poison. I told them it was a misunderstanding and it isn't poison. I did lie that i didn't have it immediately available but I could get it if I want. I don't want anyone to take it because I know if I don't have it I'll just find another way.
They eventually believed me when I said I was safe. Which I am for now. But I regret saying anything.
I did want to ask them genuinely what am i supposed to do when i'm in trouble? if my method doesn't work i don't want to be alone with the ambulance crew or police. i don't want to be alone at all with them.
if things go wrong i just don't want to be alone.
I wasn't coping well and did not sleep at all. I woke up early and phoned the out of service counselling team available to me.
In the past when I've spoken to them about planning and how I feel I've been honest that I know how I'll do it. I've never told them how. I have SN. They just asked me questions about what it was and how you use it. I didn't tell them what it was or how i got it. I just kept repeating that I was safe today. Though I feel I may use it soon.
So I said the wrong things and they phoned my friend and then called ambulance to do a welfare check. I basically begged them to not let them come to my house because i'm so afraid of them. A few people phoned me. The ambulance crew twice, the counselling team and the out of hours team.
They kept questioning me about what it was. They said they got the impression it was poison. I told them it was a misunderstanding and it isn't poison. I did lie that i didn't have it immediately available but I could get it if I want. I don't want anyone to take it because I know if I don't have it I'll just find another way.
They eventually believed me when I said I was safe. Which I am for now. But I regret saying anything.
I did want to ask them genuinely what am i supposed to do when i'm in trouble? if my method doesn't work i don't want to be alone with the ambulance crew or police. i don't want to be alone at all with them.
if things go wrong i just don't want to be alone.