Before you ctb, please read.

[blueorchids]

(Apologies, this is copy and pasted from a previous post, but the main message is still relevant and I'd like more people to see it.)

Hi, all. I hope today has been easier on you.

I want to start off the post with my own experience.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and a suicidal mother. My mother spoke of it in front of me at a very young age, which certainly left a deep imprint on my perspective on living. I never had any siblings and I had a feeling of perpetual loneliness as I got through school, where virtually nobody liked me. I suffered from an eating disorder that my family often joked about, and I cannot bring myself to accept what I see in the mirror everyday. Even as of today, I'm possibly much older than many of you on this site, yet I've been in no romantic relationships whatsoever because I am simply undesirable.

Let me tell you this: none of these issues have left me unaffected. I became obsessed with death a couple years back, and felt so much of what I've seen you post. No, no-one around me understood. There was so much fear in speaking about how I felt. I saw my life coming to an end. I thought that was it, and the relief in hopelessness is one of the most mind-numbingly pleasurable things you can feel when all you'd felt prior was pain.

But I'm alive.

I looked at my cat, the one who'd meow at me for food and scratches.

I looked at my mother, who sacrificed her happiness to give me the life she wanted me to have.

I looked at how many sights I hadn't seen, how many songs I had left to hear, how many books I'd yet to read, how many people, wonderful people, I hadn't yet met. I didn't have many things to be grateful for, but the little I had was sufficient.

Please, if you are suffering, let me take a bit off your load of burden. All the self-hatred and spiralling and overthinking and anxiety, if you were like me and had no-one to rely on, I'd like to be the person who can provide you with a shoulder to lean on.

I know it's all meaningless, really, it is, but we humans have given it a meaning with relationships and money and the hope of new experiences, and these things are harder to throw away than life. It doesn't seem like it now, but you have a lot left to live for.

You have a choice; it's your body and your life. However, I'd like to contribute information one would like to make that choice as well-informed as possible. Before you browse through your options and your will, please, please be inclined to throw me a message. To ask me questions, to vent, anything you need.

And if nobody has told you this recently, I'm proud of you. For making it through for this long with everything you've gone though, for waking up. I don't know you, but the overwhelming sense of love I have for you, if you're on here, is great. It doesn't have to be over. Life can be so much more.

Thank you, and just again if you need to hear it, I love and care about you, and cherish the time you've spent reading this.

 

[NoHorizon]

I know this is the recovery section so apologies if this is too negative, but I just can't believe anyone that says platitudes like "I'm proud of you" "I love and care about you" etc. I know you mean well, but those sort of statements make me disregard everything else because you can't possibly feel those emotions about me without having an idea who I am or that I even exist.

I know that this forum can be a negative place, but I don't think fake positivity helps anyone in need. It's why I tend to shy away from talking to people in real life about this stuff now because I know the response I'll get and I know it won't be of any benefit to me.

 

[LittleJem]

please come and kill me. I am suffering all day every day. I hate it so much.

 

[Chara]

please come and kill me. I am suffering all day every day. I hate it so much.

This. Or at least ensure it goes smoothly. Really don't want more brain damage.

 

[chloramine]

I know this is the recovery section so apologies if this is too negative, but I just can't believe anyone that says platitudes like "I'm proud of you" "I love and care about you" etc. I know you mean well, but those sort of statements make me disregard everything else because you can't possibly feel those emotions about me without having an idea who I am or that I even exist.

I know that this forum can be a negative place, but I don't think fake positivity helps anyone in need. It's why I tend to shy away from talking to people in real life about this stuff now because I know the response I'll get and I know it won't be of any benefit to me.

To be fair I think it is possible to an extent? I love and feel for all the people here without really knowing them. It's not the same as personally knowing someone and being willing to do absolutely anything for them for sure. But. I wish I could help everyone here. I wish I had the ability to really know more people in general. I know humans can do terrible things, but also. Strangers can make a random joke or smile as you pass them or dance in public or a bunch of other things and just. Make your day a little better. Friends can be the highlight of your life. Humans can be impossibly amazing in the smallest ways.

I love people more deeply when I know them, yes. I love people I don't know as well though. Just for existing. It's possible to love and be proud of without knowing. I get how they come across and can legitimately be buzz words that someone doesn't actually mean as well. I just think it's possible to love without knowing. Or for love to be more of a reveal that was always there as opposed to something that didn't exist previously.

 

[NoHorizon]

To be fair I think it is possible to an extent? I love and feel for all the people here without really knowing them. It's not the same as personally knowing someone and being willing to do absolutely anything for them for sure. But. I wish I could help everyone here. I wish I had the ability to really know more people in general. I know humans can do terrible things, but also. Strangers can make a random joke or smile as you pass them or dance in public or a bunch of other things and just. Make your day a little better. Friends can be the highlight of your life. Humans can be impossibly amazing in the smallest ways.

I love people more deeply when I know them, yes. I love people I don't know as well though. Just for existing. It's possible to love and be proud of without knowing. I get how they come across and can legitimately be buzz words that someone doesn't actually mean as well. I just think it's possible to love without knowing. Or for love to be more of a reveal that was always there as opposed to something that didn't exist previously.

That was interesting to read, thanks. I can't say I agree with all of it (while I can understand caring for someone even after a minor interaction, I feel it's too much of a stretch to care for someone you're not aware of/know nothing about), but it's good to see that perspective.

 

[Holu]

First and foremost, this is recovery, so thank you very very much for the positivity.

That being said this is giving off major "Jesus loves you" vibes

Ultimately the words are unfortunately empty without much action behind them.

 

[Cute_&_Loving]

Thank you very much for trying to be helpful, but we both know, unless something rather tangible happenes to some of us here, it;s impossible to live in this pain and be grateful for small things. I'm all for being thankful for small stuff, but only if I have big positive things going on in my life... And for some people here, even big things won;t change their mind....
But I'm very thankful you keep on fighting for yourself, despite your struggle and for trying to help. I hope your words will touch someone's heart here and make them think. All the best wishes to you, lovely.....