Venting Before I Wasn't Scared to CTB - Why am I Now?

[OutOfThisBody]

Last summer before school started I was dead set on killing myself, I just didnt have the supplies. Now school has started and I am just waiting on my last supplies to arrive, and I am scared to go. I don't know why. Maybe school is making me anxious about it?

Part of it is I'm scared to enter a different state of consciousness after a bad experience with edibles and anxiety. Im scared if I die I could wake up in some terrifying existance like the state of mind I entered during my bad trip. It's irrational for sure but I lowkey had a panic attack or something during that episode.

For one class however I havent started the assignment and its six weeks in, I have no ideas and I can't catch up, so killing myself will fix that problem.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Perhaps it could be related to that it feels more real now when you've almost fixed every preparation for it?