Been on this forum since 2020 and I am making the hard decision

[-FrozenRobot-]

I remember being barely 18 and coming on here, looking for "painless" ways to CTB. After a failed poisoning, a failed partial( which the doc's said is highly rare. I don't believe so) countless medication, thousands on a useless psychiatrist and a shitty family, wasted 2 years of med school ...I've decided to hang myself again. probably complete.
I was straightforward with my parents. Just walked to them and said " These are going to be my last 6 months. Just forget that you have 2 son's." My mother had a resting bitch face which is expected.
I've always wanted to run an anabolic steroid cycle. I used to be an amature body builder but all these psychiatric medications turned me into a fat pig. Now I am back on track to reduce my weight so that the rope can handle my weight and not give up. Guess that's one hell of a motivation to lose weight, right?
I probably will start smoking after I lose weight. I never have had a ciggy or a drink. I'm going to indulge myself in everything I've thought cool. My entire life is ruined by this shitty puta genetics of my parents. I am not lying. I did get off the site for a while and tried to improve my life. Months later, I was back here again spending hours researching ways to CTB "without pain"
Fuck this shit man. I can't take it anymore. I am going to hang myself and the reason is my dad...mom and that little shit I have called a brother.

I am sick of everything.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really horrible how humans create so much suffering in this world, I hope you eventually find the freedom you wish for.

 

[dead_milky]

I am so sorry.

 

[backtoearth]

It's horrible to experience so much pain and for your parents not to care - I know what it's like. I hope you manage to find your freedom. You tried to improve things and it is an accomplishment that you got off this site and even just tried, and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

I hope when you do go it is as painless as you wish for it to be <3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Been on this forum since 2020 and I am making the hard decision

Well, it's not a contest to see who gets to the end first, nor is there any great prize at the end. I'm sorry you're at this point in your life where CTB seems like the best option. I'm sorry any of us are at this point. I don't know about the starting smoking part, but hey, why not? All we can do is make the best decision we can for ourselves based on the life we've lived, our circumstances, our perceptions of what is to come, how much more we can handle. I'm sure you'll make the best decision you can for yourself, as we all try to do. Whatever that decision is, I hope you can get to that peace you deserve, that we all deserve.