Hi everyone,
I cut all my ties with my ex a couple of days ago because I had a talk with a friend, and they understood me and the whole situation and I stopped feeling suicidal for a little, which is significant to me due to how I've had suicidal wishes and thoughs for the past 13 years. It's funny that when I temporarily regained my will to live and I laid out a plan of trying to «recover» for the 100th time, I broke my toe the day after when I was about to leave my apartment to attempt that recovery. The physical pain almost made me reach for my SN and it still hurts a lot.
I originally decided a month ago that if I failed my next CTB attempt, that I'd take it as a sign and become a right-to-die and euthanasia activist. I have not tried to CTB this month, but I think part of my «recovery» attempt now will be to join the euthanasia organizations in my country and to also join some religious group. I don't believe in God, but I would be able to meet like minded people there in terms of the life style they and myself live. Several people from that religion think that it would be good for me and they are aware that I don't fully believe in God. I also want to do volunteering and help out in general. I have a family member that is a part of that religious group and she has PTSD as well, been through a lot of what I've gone through, and her life seem to have improved a lot once she joined them. She don't believe in God either, but that whole environment seem to keep her away from her key triggers, which is what I want as well.
I want to focus a lot on the euthanasia work and help out with that. I think I'd be the youngest member in their organization, but I think it's a big issue that my own country does not have assisted suicide when almost 80% of the population is pro assisted suicide, but every political party is against it. There's too few voices for it politically and I want to be a voice and highlight this. I'm also gonna join some philosophical discussion groups to intellectually stimulate myself because I'm tierd of casual and empty conversations.
So apart from resting for the next 3 weeks while my toe heals, these things will be a part of my new «recovery plan». I think I'll also get into a relationship soon with one of my friends, who actually have supported me in all of this for the past half year as they confessed their attraction and interest in me a few weeks ago.
I cut all my ties with my ex a couple of days ago because I had a talk with a friend, and they understood me and the whole situation and I stopped feeling suicidal for a little, which is significant to me due to how I've had suicidal wishes and thoughs for the past 13 years. It's funny that when I temporarily regained my will to live and I laid out a plan of trying to «recover» for the 100th time, I broke my toe the day after when I was about to leave my apartment to attempt that recovery. The physical pain almost made me reach for my SN and it still hurts a lot.
I originally decided a month ago that if I failed my next CTB attempt, that I'd take it as a sign and become a right-to-die and euthanasia activist. I have not tried to CTB this month, but I think part of my «recovery» attempt now will be to join the euthanasia organizations in my country and to also join some religious group. I don't believe in God, but I would be able to meet like minded people there in terms of the life style they and myself live. Several people from that religion think that it would be good for me and they are aware that I don't fully believe in God. I also want to do volunteering and help out in general. I have a family member that is a part of that religious group and she has PTSD as well, been through a lot of what I've gone through, and her life seem to have improved a lot once she joined them. She don't believe in God either, but that whole environment seem to keep her away from her key triggers, which is what I want as well.
I want to focus a lot on the euthanasia work and help out with that. I think I'd be the youngest member in their organization, but I think it's a big issue that my own country does not have assisted suicide when almost 80% of the population is pro assisted suicide, but every political party is against it. There's too few voices for it politically and I want to be a voice and highlight this. I'm also gonna join some philosophical discussion groups to intellectually stimulate myself because I'm tierd of casual and empty conversations.
So apart from resting for the next 3 weeks while my toe heals, these things will be a part of my new «recovery plan». I think I'll also get into a relationship soon with one of my friends, who actually have supported me in all of this for the past half year as they confessed their attraction and interest in me a few weeks ago.
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