Venting basing your entire existence off another

[reiII]

hello all. it's me again. i've seen a few threads here on bpd and its relieving to not be alone. i'm wondering who else is in this struggle.
i've found another person very important to me. it's so happy yet so horrible. the entire status of my day depends on my interactions with them and the tone and mood of which they are set. i don't particularly like living this way. i'm sure this isn't a new concept for others with the same disorder.
because now i become jealous at anyone new that comes into their life. i feel as though im in a constant battle against being replaced- i feel replacement is inevitable. i feel as though my happiness will be taken away from me- or worse- i take it away from myself by lashing out.
i've gotten way better at managing my emotions and stepping away when i'm upset but the intensity of these emotions never faded.
i think that my fp (favourite person) is the reason i'm alive still. all i feel is remorse for them and the sheer existence of this being a reality. i hope they will never know this. i never want to put such a weight on someone's shoulders.
and possibly worst of all, i care so deeply- the line between friendship and romantic interest begins to blur. god help me. i've ruined one friendship before trying to pursue a relationship where one was never needed. it's never good enough for me. this is my greatest joy and the only one left yet i have the gall to ask for more- for the ultimate affection- to be their one and only.
anyway, that was awkward :"D remember fujin from mk is awesome!

 

[mywayout]

hey there. i'm literally that. somehow it's a gradual process that becomes a problem before i know it.

do you feel like it's a curse sometimes? to me it can feel like the only way to gain contentment and the feeling of stability is to have someone to fully rely on, but even if i get to that point i imagine i'd live in constant fear of losing it all. it's kind of cruel in my eyes because it sort of guarantees a day where it all crumbles.

anyway, this post really resonated with me and i hope it goes well for you. i think my biggest piece of advice from my experience is to try to think of a couple of ways to failsafe your friend/relationship with that person (don't overdo it!!) which can be having a conversation about each other's personalities (what MBTI type are you?) so mutual understanding is achieved. it's something i regret i didn't do myself.

 

[reiII]

do you feel like it's a curse sometimes? to me it can feel like the only way to gain contentment and the feeling of stability is to have someone to fully rely on, but even if i get to that point i imagine i'd live in constant fear of losing it all. it's kind of cruel in my eyes because it sort of guarantees a day where it all crumbles.

oh man :'D this one right here. i am gaining my contentment. i do live in a constant fear of losing it all. i'd also self sabotage back in the day because everytime i lost myself and got too emotional or moody- or said too much, i knew it had a permanent effect on that relationship. to me it did. i would never believe otherwise even if they repeatedly insisted. it was a neverending cycle.
so with that said... yes, i think it's a curse. it's something no person should have to live with in their head day to day. but this curse, just once, can be beautiful. we love harder than anyone else. you write such resonsating, powerful words from your heart because of it that i've quoted. i could write about my person tenfold. we love others more than they could ever love us, i think. and that's not to be cocky. love should be equal.
to be honest i wasn't expecting anything from this thread so, thanks for reaching out thanks for telling me it meant something to you. it means so much to me. that's great advice too. im always a message and or reply away for poetic rambling!!!!!!