quietpill
I get so jealous of euthanized dogs.
- Nov 27, 2024
- 56
Posting this here because the OffTopic thread seems too upbeat for the content? I'm unsure. But I woke up to this dream the few hours I managed to sleep today and I can't stop thinking about it.
It was in Idaho, the last time I saw my dad when I was about 13-14. A small, green town. Except this time my dad loved me and I loved him. The sense of support and confidence I imagine you can only get from a parental figure just enveloped me in warmth.
I was dropped off half-way there and wondered how I would make it the rest of the way. Suddenly a group of teenage-twenty somethings found me, and they were so friendly. They said, "You need help? We are your friends, we work in produce!" I'd never met them, but I was so happy to be meeting them and hear that they were my friends so I said, "Of course! I know you! You're from produce!" Like me, none of them drove. I got the vague clatter, scrape, and grind of bikes and skateboards. More youthful than the bus I take daily. But they got me to the interview.
It was fancy and upscale, despite meeting in a mall. Hazy and typically dreamlike, it didn't matter even though I got the details. The man met me and asked my qualifications. I lied like I always do and said I was good with people, I love them, I make friends all the time. In fact! I made friends on the way here and they work in produce. Both of us were sooo pleased to hear it from me. He was impressed, I saw it in his wide, close lipped smile and squinting happy eyes. He wanted a personable person. All that was left was to see how I signed things.
Now, in real life, I do customer service often. And even when I don't, I handle so much content that requires signatures. I do it at least most of, if not over, a hundred times a day. It's become a thoughtless, neat squiggly line I can define comfortably as being "mine".
But in this dream, for this fancy, nice job I wanted so bad and had travelled and made new friends to get to, I knew I could do it.
...Except I couldn't. I leaned in and drew it over the dotted line and it was... jagged. Ugly. The signature you expected from an illiterate, if not a child. The man was not smiling at me anymore and I said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. Let me try again." Again. Again. Again. I ran out of professional line to try on. Over and over I scrawled over the contract with one awful signature after another, filling the sidelines and everything, and I only apologized. My face was pressed up against the table, hoping I could scrutinize every centimeter into elegance. I'd just made so many friends, I wasn't lying. I could make a nice, neat signature. But I couldn't. I may as well have been a 5 year old with chalk on the sidewalk because it was so, so bad. And I was just trying and I felt the man get agitated and angry. My new friends who had believed in me stood around just watching me fail. Faceless and hollow as mannequins I'd dragged there.
I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm to get ready for work and saw my boss had texted me an hour earlier asking if I could come in early but I couldn't. My alarm is carefully timed to sleep until the last minute before I needed to prepare for my bus commute, it takes an hour and a half.
I'm off now and I have a measly 17 hours this week. I wish I would've woken up earlier so I could make more money and now, now I barely withhold tears as I write this. I hope there isn't too many typos, it's embarrassing enough. I've had several memorable nightmares in my life, and many small, strange and recurring ones but this one is striking a real cord with me. It's been a while since it felt like such a deep, personal attack on my psyche that I just wanted to curl up into a grave and truly die, like even the small, personal hopes I have become these gnashing teeth that chew me up from the inside out. I can't even sleep.
I guess I just feel extremely disturbed. I'm wondering If you've had a terrible, personal nightmare recently, please feel free to vent it below because I'm scared I'm going to fall asleep to another one and I'd like to feel less alone in that sense.
It was in Idaho, the last time I saw my dad when I was about 13-14. A small, green town. Except this time my dad loved me and I loved him. The sense of support and confidence I imagine you can only get from a parental figure just enveloped me in warmth.
I was dropped off half-way there and wondered how I would make it the rest of the way. Suddenly a group of teenage-twenty somethings found me, and they were so friendly. They said, "You need help? We are your friends, we work in produce!" I'd never met them, but I was so happy to be meeting them and hear that they were my friends so I said, "Of course! I know you! You're from produce!" Like me, none of them drove. I got the vague clatter, scrape, and grind of bikes and skateboards. More youthful than the bus I take daily. But they got me to the interview.
It was fancy and upscale, despite meeting in a mall. Hazy and typically dreamlike, it didn't matter even though I got the details. The man met me and asked my qualifications. I lied like I always do and said I was good with people, I love them, I make friends all the time. In fact! I made friends on the way here and they work in produce. Both of us were sooo pleased to hear it from me. He was impressed, I saw it in his wide, close lipped smile and squinting happy eyes. He wanted a personable person. All that was left was to see how I signed things.
Now, in real life, I do customer service often. And even when I don't, I handle so much content that requires signatures. I do it at least most of, if not over, a hundred times a day. It's become a thoughtless, neat squiggly line I can define comfortably as being "mine".
But in this dream, for this fancy, nice job I wanted so bad and had travelled and made new friends to get to, I knew I could do it.
...Except I couldn't. I leaned in and drew it over the dotted line and it was... jagged. Ugly. The signature you expected from an illiterate, if not a child. The man was not smiling at me anymore and I said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. Let me try again." Again. Again. Again. I ran out of professional line to try on. Over and over I scrawled over the contract with one awful signature after another, filling the sidelines and everything, and I only apologized. My face was pressed up against the table, hoping I could scrutinize every centimeter into elegance. I'd just made so many friends, I wasn't lying. I could make a nice, neat signature. But I couldn't. I may as well have been a 5 year old with chalk on the sidewalk because it was so, so bad. And I was just trying and I felt the man get agitated and angry. My new friends who had believed in me stood around just watching me fail. Faceless and hollow as mannequins I'd dragged there.
I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm to get ready for work and saw my boss had texted me an hour earlier asking if I could come in early but I couldn't. My alarm is carefully timed to sleep until the last minute before I needed to prepare for my bus commute, it takes an hour and a half.
I'm off now and I have a measly 17 hours this week. I wish I would've woken up earlier so I could make more money and now, now I barely withhold tears as I write this. I hope there isn't too many typos, it's embarrassing enough. I've had several memorable nightmares in my life, and many small, strange and recurring ones but this one is striking a real cord with me. It's been a while since it felt like such a deep, personal attack on my psyche that I just wanted to curl up into a grave and truly die, like even the small, personal hopes I have become these gnashing teeth that chew me up from the inside out. I can't even sleep.
I guess I just feel extremely disturbed. I'm wondering If you've had a terrible, personal nightmare recently, please feel free to vent it below because I'm scared I'm going to fall asleep to another one and I'd like to feel less alone in that sense.
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