Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 20,714
Hello everyone,
I wasn't sure where to put this so hopefully it's good enough for off topic. Some of you may remember me while some may not. I'm already too overwhelmed at the thought of having to find out people I liked already CTB'd but if they left the site just to recover or take a break like I did then that's totally ok.
I don't know if even anyone missed me because all I did was spam forum games and occasionally repeat the same thing about how lonely I am. On that front, nothing has changed. I'm just as lonely and unwilling to find a job of any sort because what's the point when I plan to kill myself in 2022 anyway?
The main reason I took a break in the first place was actually because my irl friends started wanting to hang out with me more and some of these friends are quite nosy with my phone meaning I couldn't be on the site. I also got a bit tired of having the same discussions over and over leading to nowhere really. That said, I never really stopped thinking of CTB even while I was enjoying my time with my friends. I still don't have a girlfriend which is the one thing that would make me stop my plans and at this point I really don't think I ever will.
The thread explaining my situation is gone but basically, on September 29, 2020: exactly one year ago, a user I met on this very site who approached me first and who I became infatuated with decided to rightfully cut off ties with me and while I bear no ill will toward her and completely understand why she did so, it still hurts exactly the same as it did even after a full 365 days passing. I realize now that even trying to find someone else would be completely unfair to them because this girl in particular had almost everything going for her in terms of things I'm attracted to and the chances of encountering a completely different person with those exact same traits is insanely low especially considering that I somehow happened to ALSO check off a lot of traits that SHE liked.
Anyway, knowing my situation is impossible I know for a fact that I will end my life sometime in mid to late 2022. I've started my suicide note already though progress has been slow. So far, the tone of it is set to be extremely insulting to anyone dumb enough to try to read it so that's been fun.
So yeah, I'm back and I'm sorry for worrying people for not saying why. If you hated me all along then I'm sorry I've returned. I'm sure I'll make you very happy next year when I finally end it all…
Edit: Just realized I probably should have just made this a status and I keep forgetting that feature exists.
I wasn't sure where to put this so hopefully it's good enough for off topic. Some of you may remember me while some may not. I'm already too overwhelmed at the thought of having to find out people I liked already CTB'd but if they left the site just to recover or take a break like I did then that's totally ok.
I don't know if even anyone missed me because all I did was spam forum games and occasionally repeat the same thing about how lonely I am. On that front, nothing has changed. I'm just as lonely and unwilling to find a job of any sort because what's the point when I plan to kill myself in 2022 anyway?
The main reason I took a break in the first place was actually because my irl friends started wanting to hang out with me more and some of these friends are quite nosy with my phone meaning I couldn't be on the site. I also got a bit tired of having the same discussions over and over leading to nowhere really. That said, I never really stopped thinking of CTB even while I was enjoying my time with my friends. I still don't have a girlfriend which is the one thing that would make me stop my plans and at this point I really don't think I ever will.
The thread explaining my situation is gone but basically, on September 29, 2020: exactly one year ago, a user I met on this very site who approached me first and who I became infatuated with decided to rightfully cut off ties with me and while I bear no ill will toward her and completely understand why she did so, it still hurts exactly the same as it did even after a full 365 days passing. I realize now that even trying to find someone else would be completely unfair to them because this girl in particular had almost everything going for her in terms of things I'm attracted to and the chances of encountering a completely different person with those exact same traits is insanely low especially considering that I somehow happened to ALSO check off a lot of traits that SHE liked.
Anyway, knowing my situation is impossible I know for a fact that I will end my life sometime in mid to late 2022. I've started my suicide note already though progress has been slow. So far, the tone of it is set to be extremely insulting to anyone dumb enough to try to read it so that's been fun.
So yeah, I'm back and I'm sorry for worrying people for not saying why. If you hated me all along then I'm sorry I've returned. I'm sure I'll make you very happy next year when I finally end it all…
Edit: Just realized I probably should have just made this a status and I keep forgetting that feature exists.
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