Awful

[HelpPlease]

I have so much guilt. I have severe brain damage Bc I was a drug addict - lots of meds prescribed. But it's gonna really hurt a lot of people- I feel like I have no choice I am suffering and I can't function. At all. I'm so worried about my family and in particular my child. I'm a terrible deadbeat dad with Brian damage- it's gonna kill everyone but I don't want to suffer anymore. At all at all at all I've had enough suffering for ten lives. So I used drugs and it gave me brain damage and then i had a child out of wedlock on accident. Maybe the biggest piece of shit ever. I'm hurting everyone but I'm a so so so sick and housebound. I'm very sick with brain damage

 

[Jean Améry]

I'm very sorry to hear about your suffering. I won't judge you and neither should you. What's done is done and to be human is to be fallible and err. I'm sure if we all knew beforehand what would happen and had perfect control over our actions no-one would do something that was ill-advised or dangerous.

You may have made serious mistakes in your past but you're not a murderer or someone who wilfully hurt others so to call yourself that is not appropriate in my opinion.

To want to die due to extreme pain is understandable. Whether that means you should do it or not is up to you to decide. I obviously can't make that decision for you. In any case I would try to avoid making a decision while you're very emotional.

 

[HelpPlease]

It's gonna hurt so many people but I am suffering intensely. So so so much. If only I hadn't of made a person I can't imagine hurting a child like this. But I am hurting her now too. My dad is dying in front of me I don't leave the house I am very very sick my brain just finally had enough and it snapped. I am very very sick. I can't take much more pain and I don't want to be here for my dads death especially when so many people are blaming me for it. Then my daughter will have so much pain for her whole entire life. And she might do the same thing I am. I just can't believe how stupid stupid stupid I am. I'm a coward drug addict. At least the people I knew who did this didn't have kids- all that pain will be brought down on her. My dad is breaking down bc of all this stress. My head hurts constantly and I am writhing uncontrollably. I have fried my brain and it is showing in every single thing I do every second of my existence . I'm scared and very sick
An innocent child!!!!!!!!

 

[HelpPlease]

I dunno why I keep posting I'm sorry I'm in a desperate frantic place my head feels awful. I should stop posting then I supppse but my brain damage is very very real. I'm hurting mentally ill and brain damaged in lots of pain. I'm not making much sense
Yes fried

 

[Soul]

Does your father have the care he needs? Am I understanding right that you and your dad live together? Are you attending to his needs? If he's dying I would try to focus on him, to do what I can to make him comfortable. Hugs x

 

[HelpPlease]

I can't do anything!!! He needs help and so do I. It's no wonder everyone hates me they can't possibly understand what I am feeling inside no one can. I am in excruciating pain nonstop 24/7 cantvsleep just feel like trash all the time not justbheadcahe but brain dead. So brain dead I can't even ctb right

 

[Soul]

I can't do anything!!! He needs help and so do I. It's no wonder everyone hates me they can't possibly understand what I am feeling inside no one can. I am in excruciating pain nonstop 24/7 cantvsleep just feel like trash all the time not justbheadcahe but brain dead. So brain dead I can't even ctb right

Can you contact his doctors and get him medical care?

 

[Dead beat dad]

I have so much guilt. I have severe brain damage Bc I was a drug addict - lots of meds prescribed. But it's gonna really hurt a lot of people- I feel like I have no choice I am suffering and I can't function. At all. I'm so worried about my family and in particular my child. I'm a terrible deadbeat dad with Brian damage- it's gonna kill everyone but I don't want to suffer anymore. At all at all at all I've had enough suffering for ten lives. So I used drugs and it gave me brain damage and then i had a child out of wedlock on accident. Maybe the biggest piece of shit ever. I'm hurting everyone but I'm a so so so sick and housebound. I'm very sick with brain damage

It sounds like you are in a very dark place brother, I'm so sorry to hear your take.
Drugs, addiction and bad choices may have landed you here, but these are the demons of the past.
Do you have access to anyone who can help with your situation to take this immediate and emotional pressure off, even just temporarily? Maybe you can regroup and plan your next move with less fog clouding you?
Just my 2c brother, I hope you find some light on your path.
DBD

 

[sunny.sativa]

Were you using substances during your original post?
Just curious.

I want you to know that your child loves you.
Not for what you do, but for who you are.
You can still try to be a good parent. That's what really matters, I say. Even if you're not a GOOD parent, at least you made an effort. I know you're hurting and I understand you have brain damage, but you really do have the choice to do the best you can with what you have.

It's hard, but your child is worth it.
Peace n love.