Venting Autism w/ depression

[paroxyical]

Autism is good like 20% of the time and pretty f-ing terrible 80% of the time.

I'm so over it. Autism has plenty of benefits if you're happy. You get hyperfixations and stimming feels nice and , in my case, i have such an excess of raw love and support to share with people.

When im depressed it's just anxiety, nonverbal episodes, bad stimming urges, SH urges, repetitive intrusive thoughts, not understanding anything, social anxiety, overload, dysfunction... i hate it

I dont really blame my autism I guess. I blame my depression. but the two are a goddamn terrible mix.

 

[Generic]

A really high percentile of people with autism eventually become depressed, so I personally do somewhat blame it. I'm pretty sure that my life would've been way less miserable if I was normal.

 

[paroxyical]

A really high percentile of people with autism eventually become depressed, so I personally do somewhat blame it. I'm pretty sure that my life would've been way less miserable if I was normal.

it's society, not really the autism. although the last bit is correct yeah. because if we were normal, we'd survive a lot better in this highly neurotypical world.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Autism is total shit 100% of the time

 

[faust]

Hello,
I am sorry you are experiencing this...
I wish your depression is gone and you are able to share your love with the world
Btw how do you feel right now?

 

[TAW122]

I blame my autism, specifically Aspergers for making my social life and just general day to day life miserable. The way people treat me and the way I see the world, it just sucks. If I had a choice in genes and traits (I don't but suppose I did), I would have chosen to be non-autistic and NT, take even a -10 IQ point penalty or a bit more, and perhaps my day to day life would be better. I am also no super genius or any one of those exceptional people (Newton, Tesla, Einstein, etc.) so having this disorder has done more harm than good for me.

In short, I can relate to your similar struggles as I had similar issues in my life too. It is a HUGE part of why I plan to CTB because I have no desire to live out decades more (or even half a century longer; unless I die from other causes) of this hellish existence. Anyways, sorry to hear your situation and I hope you find peace one way or another.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

I would have chosen to be non-autistic ... take even a -10 IQ point penalty or a bit more ... I am also no super genius ... so having this disorder has done more harm than good for me.

This fucking guy gets it. The average autist has zero superpowers and people just think you're a freak. Why fucking bother living, if you have autism?

 

[Generic]

I honestly feel like the people who say that autism is simply 'different' are lying to themselves. Even if people were more supportive/understanding of the condition, it'd still be a huge disadvantage.

 

[paroxyical]

I honestly feel like the people who say that autism is simply 'different' are lying to themselves. Even if people were more supportive/understanding of the condition, it'd still be a huge disadvantage.

Yeah- I mean that if autism was the norm, and everything was suited to us, we would be fine. But that's impossible and only hypothetical. Autism awareness only works to a point. The world caters for the majority and why should it do otherwise? why please few and not many?

It is different, but a difference like this will always bring negative implications in a world made for normal.

 

[Fragile]

autism may be a blanket term for many conditions with similar symptoms and different causes, but there is a big link between autism and other life altering mental illnesses like anxiety, severe depression, OCD, self harming behaviors, and many, and i mean MANY other conditions. there's even a link between autism and transgender identities and sexual orientations in both males and females.

and i'm not even mentioning the correlation between autism and other non psychological illnesses that tend to be chronic in nature.

so, yeah, this condition sucks almost universally unless you are in the higher end of the spectrum, and even people with high intellect and autism struggle with many aspects of life and are statistically likely to die younger than normal people. now just imagine how unfair the life of someone with low functioning autism must be like, i've seen some kids that are non verbal and will probably never be able to live without a caregiver taking care of 90% of their needs, every single day of their lives...

this is considered a disability for very good reasons and it sucks that it exists, no other way around it.

 

[Simba]

Unfortunately i gotta agree .. i don't always understand people properly and they vice versa and it almost always gets me frustrated to the point that i think why bother and so on :/ on one hand ,i want to be "me " but on the other hand.. I'll just end up being a miserable person for the rest of my life... I usually tend to get really attached to people that i like ,and yet sometimes people just end up leaving me and that makes me feel bad and overthink what is the reason for them leaving me and that "i " must have done something wrong when clearly it's not always but whatever.. then when i feel really bad i could overthink about situations bad scenarios and so on to the point that I'll feel sickening :( i actually felt more discrimination from people with autism than neurotipycals or other people with different disabilities and so on.. sucks :(

Also i gotta add that my emotions tend to go from A to Z ,like 2 polar ends ... I could be really happy and excited and whatever and if someone says something to me that makes me feel bad it like knocks me down to being depressed and so on :/ and then there are times where i just feel nothing ,dull ,bland.. i don't really know how to explain it much either