Autism is why I’m alone

[lex4449]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

 

[mirisasofia09]

HI! I am an autistic and ADHD woman. I understand you and your experience. It's true, being autistic is a disability that is invisible to many but for us who live it it is very visible. We know our experiences perfectly (often bullying, even serious trauma, exclusion, lack of support and often school difficulties). In my experience, beyond school/university which are battlegrounds that can undermine our self-esteem, the deficits destroy us in executive functions that are often lacking and in the social ones (our absorbing interests, the difficulty in recognizing non-verbal or symbolic language). We often end up alone and isolated. It can be worked on with psychological therapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy, and with pharmacological therapy given that there are often comorbidities but at my age I think it is useless. Whatever your decision for the future, I give you a virtual hug from a distance, for reasons similar to yours I am seriously thinking about suicide.

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

 

[Kalista]

ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female

So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful

people is why this happens, not autism. you're surrounded by people with rigid thinking and outright rejects someone who is different.

the problem is them, not you -- a very true statement in this case.

but even with that in mind, it doesn't change the fact that people treat you poorly.

I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons.

whatever you choose to do, may you do it well.

 

[Mirrory Me]

There are things people say, that can hinder our love to ourself, but truth is you capability to feel and be loved, if you don't let them get to you... Hopefully you are able to endure and find way to cope with these thoughts and emotions- you don't have to be alone because there's something wrong with you.

 

[ShatteredShards]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

Maybe I can offer some advice?

Autism is a one Hell of a spectrum, as we both know, though you CAN treat it by educating yourself on the topic of socially psychology, then putting what you've learn into practice, repeating the whole trial and error concept as time goes by. Obviously it's by no means a quick fix, but it sure as Hell helps in the long run (if you maintain your persistence, that is) and eventually you'll come to the understand that those around you (including yourself) are more complex that you might've originally thought, opting to treat everyone you meet on a case by case basis, instead of referring articles and poorly executed studies.

I won't act like I know what your life consists off or what you've endured, though from what I've read so far, it gives off the idea that you're surrounding yourself around the wrong people. There are plenty good peeps in the world and they're easier to find that you think, so here's some solid advice; go volunteer for a charity, pretty much all of the people in those types of places are good natured, which kinda acts as a double whammy, you're doing something positive and making friends whilst doing it, win/win.

As for relationships, well it's waiting game coupled with making yourself feel appealing to the right person. Do you best to take care of your appearance, emphasise your most admirable traits, be hygienic and try not to worry about finding a partner whilst, it'll happen sooner or later, trust me. Now, it might come across like I'm brushing off what you've said, which is not the case, I'm just trying offer best advice I can give based on my own experience, since I've been in the same situation and retain the same disability as you.

You're the arbiter of you life, how you go about making decisions is up to you, so I'd always recommend exhausting all reasonable options before CTB.

 

[Hotsackage]

That's pretty much the point, working on something, when the condition you have is complex and hard to be managed. I'm with you on that. Well wishes

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I hate how so many of autistic individuals are hurting because this world is so cruel and unfair… :((
It just hurts… no way to justify why this world should exist further

 

[CogitoMori]

I'm afab and autistic and most of my bullies were female too. I think women might be more cruel to autistic people since they rely more on "subtle" communication (lying and saying the opposite of what you mean) than men do in general. There was another study recently that said that most allistic people subconsciously identify and decide they don't like autistic people, whether they know about their autism diagnosis or not. This world isn't made for us and they've made it clear they don't want us here. We're pretty much aliens to them.
It also said that once they decide they don't like you, there's nothing you can do to change their mind. You're "bad" because you're weird and no matter how many times you prove yourself they will never like you.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

A random psychology today article is not a good source of information. It's a pop-sci magazine, not a scholarly source. While some of the information on there is good, there have been times when I've come across stuff on there that was pure bullshit, esepcially from the blog section. It's a magazine, not a peer-reviewed scholarly journal. Also, may I ask that you post the link to said article? I tried looking for it but cannot find it. The way how it's written makes me want to look into it a bit more.

With that in mind, there are plenty of autistic men who go on to on to find romantic partners and even get married. For example, my uncle was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and he is married and has a kid.

 

[lex4449]

I'm afab and autistic and most of my bullies were female too. I think women might be more cruel to autistic people since they rely more on "subtle" communication (lying and saying the opposite of what you mean) than men do in general. There was another study recently that said that most allistic people subconsciously identify and decide they don't like autistic people, whether they know about their autism diagnosis or not. This world isn't made for us and they've made it clear they don't want us here. We're pretty much aliens to them.
It also said that once they decide they don't like you, there's nothing you can do to change their mind. You're "bad" because you're weird and no matter how many times you prove yourself they will never like you.

I know that! Why do think i plan on killing myself!? It'll make a lot of people happy

Do you best to take care of your appearance

I AM hygienic, unlike those reddit neckbeards. so to bring up my appearance at all despite it being nothing why I'm alone is pure disrespect. Not advice

I give you a virtual hug from a distance

That's not good enough, it's never good enough. I've had more success with my suicide attempts then with love.

people is why this happens, not autism. you're surrounded by people with rigid thinking and outright rejects someone who is different.

the problem is them, not you -- a very true statement in this case.

but even with that in mind, it doesn't change the fact that people treat you poorly.


whatever you choose to do, may you do it well.

It's ALL neurotypical people, they're all part of the problem, especially when they do nothing to stop us getting bullied. They're all bad.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Become a goth, then people will just assume you're being a goth bitch whenever you fail any kind of social cue.
Source: It's what i do lmao. Can't get mad at me for not having any idea what they want and not reacting, if they didnt expect a reaction to begin with !

 

[lex4449]

Become a goth, then people will just assume you're being a goth bitch whenever you fail any kind of social cue.
Source: It's what i do lmao. Can't get mad at me for not having any idea what they want and not reacting, if they didnt expect a reaction to begin with !

This is real life, not South Park. That still wouldn't work for me anyway

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

This is real life, not fucking South Park

I'm not even kidding, people are being infinitely more tolerant towards my bullshit when im dressed like im about to play at an MCR concert. The kind of stuff i'd get yelled at when dressed normally gets ignored.

 

[PlaceCalledHome]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

I'm a female with autism and adhd who's had life-long difficulties connecting with people (honestly it's at the root of most of my suffering). I have often wondered if it's the reason I've experienced so much social and romantic rejection and if it's the reason I have difficulty getting along with my family who aren't on the spectrum. In my case trauma and mental illness probably make me even less appealing to others.

If it's any consolation I've big-time crushed on quite a few autistic men irl and find a lot of autistic traits very attractive and endearing. I've never dated an autistic man though as they're harder to read and I could never tell if they were interested in me or not.

 

[blackpillhopeless]

For context, im autistic, and ive been bullied, harassed, ignored, and picked on by everyone everywhere i go! Throughout my childhood a majority of my bullies and tormentors were female, I was often picked on because of my autism. I've been told to my face that no one will be with me because of it. I've went online and researched the topic. I was proven correct.

"The majority of women absolutely loathe autistic men. It usually comes from everything about autism when put in a male being anathema to them.

Think of the following:
Poor social skills
Lack of reading subtle cues
Emotional issues
Learning issues
Lack of or poor mastery of life skills

Not exactly appealing attributes without large amounts of effort to cover those all up. With great effort you can reduce that to maybe one or two elements left but those can still often be too much for people to handle. Autism puts either a massive burden on the person with it to correct themselves or burden on who they are with. Like with disability, people go out of their way to not feel burdened by someone straight away and avoid certain traits."
from an article on psychology today.

This means I'm completely screwed no matter what I do. I'm already in so much pain since I lost my cat Charlie, my best friend and the one who got me through the toughest times. I've been so alone. Finding friends alone is difficult. So to find out I'm hated by 50% of the population is incredibly hurtful. I've been considering suicide because of this and many other reasons. How am I supposed to work on myself if I can't change having to this disability. I don't care if I'm called soft for this. It's over for me.

Hugs man, I am in a similar situation too due to my autism and below average face. I feel like there isn't a real solution to my problems, I just got dealt a very bad hand.

 

[RoyalBengalAutistic]

I can relate

 

[lex4449]

Hugs man, I am in a similar situation too due to my autism and below average face. I feel like there isn't a real solution to my problems, I just got dealt a very bad hand.

That's what suicide is for! My looks weren't an issue, but it doesn't matter anyway. All the women in the world will be happy when I'm dead

 

[İnilerim]

You're deluding yourself if you think not wanting to date you is equal to hating you.

 

[AAE]

Another person on the spectrum here, and that's what it is, a spectrum. Every color we can possibly see is included and represents each unique individual with their own gifts and/or disabilities. It's important to know that while there's lots to learn about oneself after being diagnosed, autism is also a word, a label. Society loves putting labels on people they're afraid of. We're not a label, we're unique individuals and they choose to think we're "all the same" which is not true. The "neurotypicals" are just as unique individuals on a huge spectrum as us "neurodivergents".

From a guy who just turned 40, barely surviving with multiple chronic illnesses and disabilities, I'll say this: If the downsides of being on the spectrum were my biggest problem I wouldn't be on this website. And these downsides are mostly not with me but with other people's lack of will to coexist and be decent.

My advice is to try and really get to know yourself and let your good sides shine. Everyone is worthy of love and comfort if they seek it and have the same love to give. Don't let the scared, self-entitled "normal people" tell you otherwise. Those who bully are scared of everyone and everything but wouldn't spend a minute trying to learn to understand anything, not even themselves.

 

[lex4449]

You're deluding yourself if you think not wanting to date you is equal to hating you.

That's not what I meant at all, you're just nitpicking.