Venting Attending bible study makes me feel more suicidal.

[Pancake]

Every Sunday I'm supposed to do bible study. When I hear them preach about how benevolent and loving God is, it makes me angry. They said that God loves me more than even my own biological father, hearing that comparison made me so upset. I feel like I'm being manipulated into worshipping someone I can't even believe in. I pray that if God is real and if he is truly benevolent, he'd kill me. But he doesn't and so I cannot believe. They preach his greatness and say that he hears our prayers, no matter how small. When they use that woeful, inspiring and awe-inducing tone of voice to praise the Lord in Heaven, my stomach churns and I feel like dying, why are you trying to make me just as fanatical and crazy as you are? Please just leave me alone. I can't bring myself to believe in him, so please don't force me to.

I'm sorry for my posts about religion. I know it's a touchy subject but I really wanted to vent out my frustrations about this. I'm truly sorry if I made someone uncomfortable with my post.

 

[Anon1337]

Walk away. What's stopping you?

 

[Housefly]

Came to this realization at 10 but didn't consider leaving the faith completely (didn't know it was an option. Love living in a super religious country) until 16 maybe. Some nights I say "prayers" that if I wake up tomorrow God isn't real and it's a giant asshole. .. it's been years.

Upside, if you can call it that, I told my pastor parents I'm an atheist.... While I was in the psych ward but they got it. I still have to go with them to church but I don't have to participate but they will still do the Pentecostal anointing on me. It's their hobby and I'm NEET on their dime so it's the most I can do.

 

[enough of this]

I think it would have the same effect on me.

 

[MrDarkness]

Every Sunday I'm supposed to do bible study. When I hear them preach about how benevolent and loving God is, it makes me angry. They said that God loves me more than even my own biological father, hearing that comparison made me so upset. I feel like I'm being manipulated into worshipping someone I can't even believe in. I pray that if God is real and if he is truly benevolent, he'd kill me. But he doesn't and so I cannot believe. They preach his greatness and say that he hears our prayers, no matter how small. When they use that woeful, inspiring and awe-inducing tone of voice to praise the Lord in Heaven, my stomach churns and I feel like dying, why are you trying to make me just as fanatical and crazy as you are? Please just leave me alone. I can't bring myself to believe in him, so please don't force me to.

I'm sorry for my posts about religion. I know it's a touchy subject but I really wanted to vent out my frustrations about this. I'm truly sorry if I made someone uncomfortable with my post.

The one thing I learned is that religion can not be forced, if their is a god, I just view them as a person playing the sims, viewing existence, my belief that he doesn't help us, is due to fate, we were born down the paths that lead to this moment, it's due to fate on how we die, but try to make others smile. Life is random

 

[cami]

if it pains you that much, it might be time to leave it. i know how hard that can be first hand but sometimes it just isnt worth it and a loving god would understand.

 

[Pancake]

Walk away. What's stopping you?

Either my mom or my dad teaches the bible to me. If I don't go or they think I have rejected God I'm afraid they won't look at me the same. They're both very devout Christians. Even outside of bible study they're talking about him and praising him. I really don't want to go, but the every time I tell them they get very angry at me.

 

[Worndown]

You will not convince them to accept your view on this. They are too far down the rabbit hole.
Any chance to break out on your own?
Living for your parents approval is not good. Dying because of it is worse.
I hope you can find a way to get through this.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be awful having to go there, to me religion is just a way to brainwash people, the whole concept of religion was created by humans who were unable to accept the fact that existence is completely meaningless and has no purpose, it's something completely fictional, there is no God. The reality is that existence is just unnecessary suffering experienced all for no reason, to me existence is just a horrific, tragic mistake.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Religions are man made and were invented to control people. Try to set yourself free from religion and have our own beliefs/opinions and whatsoever! It may make you free! I wish you all the best!

 

[SolomonKado]

I just try and see it as Jesus was a very kind person who wanted to heal people. He didn't try and force himself onto people.

Many of the churches make it out to be something completely different and a lot less accepting of people.

Many of the people I've talked to told me they turned away from their parents religion because of this. Didn't help there were so many stories of priests in the news for touching kids. No wonder so many people turn away from it. Also the preachers who come on tv or have huge churches to fill their pockets. Oh and the tax loopholes that let them get away with it!…They made religion seem like they were all satanists instead of following God. It's disgusting. Who wants to be apart of something that does these things?!

The Bible says we don't have to go to church to worship. Who would want to…these are only my opinions and how I feel about it

 

[dialogos]

When you're depressed, nothing ever is good enough. Its the most extreme form of myopia. Do your Christian parents beat you up everyday? Do they starve you? Do they try to ruin your joy by torturing you?
Do they exclude you from the good life they have?
I actually envy your position, sorry for my vent.
Wish I could trade places with you, you make them sound nice.

 

[Dmoore3232]

Yeah stay away from them. It is a cult. Heaven is real though I think. However it is nothing to do with those idiots. Christianity was intended to be a cult, it is called giving cult in European religion. Proclaiming someone your lord and savior is the legit definition of a cult. It is not philosophy it is mythology and for beginners in theology. It has pro-slavery, anti-homosexual, and sexist writing in it. It is not a serious subject in academia. Teaching it to children as fact is child abuse and inappropriate as some have said. It is thought to be a major reason for the collapse of Rome by Edward Gibbons.

 

[LikeAPendulum]

Aw man, That priest of yours telling you "God loves you more than your own father" reminds me of a Christian Teacher telling me that I still have a father in heaven after I broke down and told her about my parent's divorce and my father bailing out on us. It irked me the moment I heard it.

The way I see it, is that these people haven't went through such a hardship that really broke them, mentally. How do you expect the sane to understand the insane?

 

[SexyIncél]

Many people can't just have rational relationships where everyone enables each other to build interesting — even strange — perspectives

No, to fit into their group mind, they require you act according to their belief system & obsessions. It even happens in professions

And if you refuse that cost of entry, you don't get the benefits of that relationship. If possible, it'll be good to find likeminded people and obtain any necessary benefits elsewhere

 

[tpboy]

Man made God, not the other way around.

 

[tora]

Every Sunday I'm supposed to do bible study. When I hear them preach about how benevolent and loving God is, it makes me angry. They said that God loves me more than even my own biological father, hearing that comparison made me so upset. I feel like I'm being manipulated into worshipping someone I can't even believe in. I pray that if God is real and if he is truly benevolent, he'd kill me. But he doesn't and so I cannot believe. They preach his greatness and say that he hears our prayers, no matter how small. When they use that woeful, inspiring and awe-inducing tone of voice to praise the Lord in Heaven, my stomach churns and I feel like dying, why are you trying to make me just as fanatical and crazy as you are? Please just leave me alone. I can't bring myself to believe in him, so please don't force me to.

I'm sorry for my posts about religion. I know it's a touchy subject but I really wanted to vent out my frustrations about this. I'm truly sorry if I made someone uncomfortable with my post.

I understand how you feel completely. I grew up in an extremely strict Christian home where my parents forced me to go to church and bible study multiple times a week. eventually I started having panic attacks at church every week, but they still forced me to keep going, which made me develop agoraphobia. I ended up having to lie to get out of it; I told them my sister and her boyfriend went to a different church and that I was going to go with them, but instead my sister and her boyfriend would just drive me to his house every Sunday morning so that they'd think we were at church. eventually I was so done with my parents constantly forcing their beliefs on me that I had a family therapy session with them and my therapist so that if they reacted badly, my therapist would be there to help keep the peace. thankfully they werent as upset as I thought they'd be, and I've never been back to church since.
I still have agoraphobia and religious trauma 6 years later though. but it's nowhere near as bad as it was when I was younger.
parents who force religion on their children are honestly so disgusting and selfish. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I wish I had advice on how to cope with it, but all I can say is one day you'll be independent enough that they won't be able to keep making you go there, and you'll have your freedom from them. I hope that day comes soon for you

When you're depressed, nothing ever is good enough. Its the most extreme form of myopia. Do your Christian parents beat you up everyday? Do they starve you? Do they try to ruin your joy by torturing you?
Do they exclude you from the good life they have?
I actually envy your position, sorry for my vent.
Wish I could trade places with you, you make them sound nice.

seriously, you're comparing their trauma to yours?? you have no idea if they get physically abused by their parents or not, and even if they don't, that doesn't make their situation any less serious. emotional abuse is extremely horrific to live with and just as valid as physical abuse.
don't tell someone you envy them when they're opening up about their controlling, abusive parents. what a shitty thing of you to say.

 

[exiled]

From the perspective of someone who grew up in a non-religious home, became a Christian at 17, and had my parents vehemently angry about my new faith: I am so sorry. The church has hurt so many people, I cannot even keep track. I found my faith because it made perfect sense to me on a personal level. The relationship I developed with God and faith brought me comfort. It brought me joy. It brought me peace. And above all, it brought raw honesty out of me. Like, a place where I could throw all of my crap and know that I was still loved.

That being said, even to this day, I cannot stand Bible studies and churches. Religion becoming so organized like this is quite literally ruining lives. It is so disgusting how hateful Christians can be. No hate like Christian love, as they say. I say this to say, if you find solace in your own personal relationship with faith, don't let that go. However, I promise you you are not less than because you despise a teaching that has turned into an excuse to condemn people. If you disengage, and your parents begin to hate you for it, then I hope you can recognize that for what it is: abuse.

I am so tired of seeing religion being used over somebody as a scare tactic, manipulation, or a condition. Faith is meant to be an empowering tool that we can hold onto in the face of adversity, not a blackmail or threat that terrifies us into "believing" or trusting. You get to decide what that means to you.

You mention that you cannot bring yourself to believe in God. And hey, guess what, there is absolutely zero shame in that. I want to remind you that you have permission to feel what you feel, and believe or not believe what you choose. This pressure from those around you to have faith in something that you just don't have is of course going to make you feel so much worse! I'd feel so isolated and suicidal too if that were imposed on me. Just know that we have choices in this world. And no one should EVER judge or shame you for anything involving your personal belief system.

Have you considered finding online support groups of "ex-vangelicals" as they say? Lots of stories on TikTok under that hashtag as well. You might find a comment section or two that you can relate to. Talking more about your true feelings toward the church might help you feel like you have an outlet for the hell that your parents try and put you through. You'd be surprised how much of a difference it can make to see others put something into words that you've been dying to describe for so long. If you need some resources or would like to find community with others who are in that type of position, feel free to reach out. I can help connect you to people that have underwent similar experiences and have healed from the literal trauma imposed upon them via religion.

 

[never mind me]

You're an adult (or at least you should be, if you are on this forum). So your parents can't force you to go to bible studies, if you don't want to, nor can they force you to believe in anything you don't want to believe in. If they don't accept you and don't love you anymore, only because you reject their faith they don't truly love you anyway, but only the ideal person they think you should be. In this case their opinion of you shouldn't matter at all.

 

[Worndown]

It is possible that the role if God in day to day life is overstated. Less hands on manager and more spiritual reinforcement.
Religeon is also managed by mankind with all of humanities frailties and weakneses.
Maybe less study is good in this case.

 

[Specific_Milk]

I'm sorry you're being forcibly indoctrinated into something you clearly are too smart and rational to believe in. The lash back from religious communities for leaving an established religion is well documented to be severe (in some muslim countries, apostates are punishable by death. Thankfully in christianity that is not the case). If I were you i would find some living apostate online or irl and ask them how they got out of their religion and the consequences they had to deal with concerning family etc.

I hope you will able to succeed in your unshackling of the cuffs of religion. The fight for rationality and reason, of using the humanities to guide life instead of handed down morality from a 4000 year old book will motivate you and give you hope in your journey!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a quote from the secular world that i hope will empower you to take the steps necessary for you to escape the prison of religion:
'"We are not immune to the lure of wonder and mystery and awe: we have music and art and literature, and find that the serious ethical dilemmas are better handled by Shakespeare and Tolstoy and Schiller and Dostoyevsky and George Eliot than in the mythical morality tales of the holy books."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a video about someone who has left the Christian faith as well: (he had the same sort of struggles with family etc that you've mentioned


May secularism prevail and the human faculty for reason and science thrive! sending much love

 

[Gonnerr]

Religion and god is the worst invention of mankind.

 

[Marcus Wright]

When you're depressed, nothing ever is good enough. Its the most extreme form of myopia. Do your Christian parents beat you up everyday? Do they starve you? Do they try to ruin your joy by torturing you?
Do they exclude you from the good life they have?
I actually envy your position, sorry for my vent.
Wish I could trade places with you, you make them sound nice.

What an absolute horrible comment to someone's vent about something that is actively making them more suicidal. You want to trade places? Go pray to your sky daddy instead, you wanker.

 

[Worndown]

If it hurts you, stop.

 

[Pancake]

When you're depressed, nothing ever is good enough. Its the most extreme form of myopia. Do your Christian parents beat you up everyday? Do they starve you? Do they try to ruin your joy by torturing you?
Do they exclude you from the good life they have?
I actually envy your position, sorry for my vent.
Wish I could trade places with you, you make them sound nice.

I'm sorry.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

hey i get being stuck in a religion that is slowly loosing its hold. if you ever want to talk to someone about it im here <3

 

[dialogos]

What an absolute horrible comment to someone's vent about something that is actively making them more suicidal. You want to trade places? Go pray to your sky daddy instead, you wanker.

Horrible? What do you know about the horrors I was in huh?
Anything can make anybody suicidal!
Death, Its like a spell that draws people to obsess about it and it keeps calling and pulling
Non stop till it breaks you down and give in!
That's why you break the spell by destroying its strong hold!
OK let's say he/she stops the bible study, do you think his suicidal urges will stop!
Chances are, he will find something else to fixate on!
The real solution here is to stop being distracted on a a minor detail
And focus on why suicide is the answer for him/her!
That's why I asked is he being beatup, being abused etc because I was!
Because if he is being drawn to suicide so strongly inspire of him/her not being hurt or abused and is triggered
By an inconvenience, then any inconvenience in life would push him/her into death's arms so quickly because he/she isn't even resisting the urge to ctb when his/her life isn't traumatic and is even by his narrative,plain but nice. Many here can't even have that. So why not make him/her think deeply about it?
Is it the circumstances are so bad its worth it to ctb? Or something else is pulling, drawing, calling him/her. Making itself the answer to all his/her inconveniences, discomforts in life, making him/her ignore overshadow the great things in his/her life.
Somethings are worth fighting for, while you still can
Do you get it?
I'm not going to explain anymore

 

[Meditation guide]

This is an old thread but it brings up some of the most excruciating memories I have of Bible classes I was forced to attend.
I would get a sick stomach sitting in that room, listening to an old woman making us memorize Bible passages, while I didn't believe any of it, and the very idea of me, a sensitive young girl, being forced to hear about this man hanging on a cross that way was just horrific, I still feel sick thinking about how awful that was. It's a terrible thing to teach children.