attempting tonight

[vault]

i am going to attempt tonight. im not going to keep going. all day long today, i have had persistent thoughts of CTB. i want it to stop. i am triggered by every minor inconvenience and i cant take it anymore.
i am going to attempt with my partial hanging method. i will take some benadryl beforehand to be drowsy and have less strength. i am not confident that I will succeed tonight. i just hope i dont fail too badly.
if this fails, i will try again another day when it gets bad enough again. i have a whole bottle of benadryl which i might try to OD on as a plan B.
I haven't really established any relationships on this forum but it has served as a safe space for me regardless. thanks to this whole community for coming together so we can all speak comfortably.

 

[vault]

result: i dont think i can do it. i was testing it out and i just cant get past SI. ill look into some other methods but in the meantime i will have to live. i feel stuck whenever i get to this point. i cant die but every waking moment is miserable. i dont know what to do.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm sorry that tonight didn't work out the way you had hoped.

And I'm also sorry to hear that you haven't connected to others on this site yet. How have you been trying? And feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

 

[Arcitect]

i cant die but every waking moment is miserable.

I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm sorry it came down to this. I hope one day you'll find peace, somewhere. Whether that be here on Earth or somewhere yonder. I'm pretty new to this community too, but I quickly learned that there are a lot of caring and helpful people here.

 

[Amyend88]

result: i dont think i can do it. i was testing it out and i just cant get past SI. ill look into some other methods but in the meantime i will have to live. i feel stuck whenever i get to this point. i cant die but every waking moment is miserable. i dont know what to do.

I'm sorry you didn't succeed. Have you considered full suspension? Most consider it because of the SI problem.

 

[vault]

I'm sorry that tonight didn't work out the way you had hoped.

And I'm also sorry to hear that you haven't connected to others on this site yet. How have you been trying? And feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

thank you for your kind words. I'm rather shy, even online lol so its a little hard for me to approach people.

I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm sorry it came down to this. I hope one day you'll find peace, somewhere. Whether that be here on Earth or somewhere yonder. I'm pretty new to this community too, but I quickly learned that there are a lot of caring and helpful people here.

thank you so much. There absolutely are so many caring people on here. I love that I can share my hardships and be met with kind responses from people who can relate rather than hostility.

I'm sorry you didn't succeed. Have you considered full suspension? Most consider it because of the SI problem.

i suppose i should consider that. I have avoided it probably because i dont want my neck broken lol. but i am pretty light and there is a forest nearby my home so it could work out

 

[niknod]

Thinking of you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you didn't succeed. Partial is one of the methods that often fails due to SI and it's so difficult to overcome SI. Please don't be too hard to yourself. I wish you all the best and I hope u find peace.

Edit: maybe this link is of interest for you:

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how it's so difficult to die, it's so cruel how we cannot just easily die in peace when we want to. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[vault]

I'm sorry you didn't succeed. Partial is one of the methods that often fails due to SI and it's so difficult to overcome SI. Please don't be too hard to yourself. I wish you all the best and I hope u find peace.

Edit: maybe this link is of interest for you:

Best way to succeed partial hanging

Last week, I have been practicing different ways of doing partial hanging and will share which method has worked the best out of all. In order to succeed partial hanging, is to fully block the carotid arteries on both sides of your neck, around 80-90% of the blood flow in the blood vessels has...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

thank you very much

 

[MatthieuFrederickW]

Have you done any practicing beforehand like trying to blood choke yourself with your own hands or rope, etc? Hope you find success eventually.

 

[vault]

Have you done any practicing beforehand like trying to blood choke yourself with your own hands or rope, etc? Hope you find success eventually.

i have practiced, although Last night i did get farther than i ever had before and the tremors when i stood up were worse than i ever felt. I am using a belt and some socks rather than rope.

 

[Dying Knight]

i have a whole bottle of benadryl which i might try to OD on as a plan B.

I'd just use deep inhales of butane for easy partial hanging instead. It causes collapse in a few seconds.

 

[vault]

I'd just use deep inhales of butane for easy partial hanging instead. It causes collapse in a few seconds.

thank you wasnt aware of that!

 

[fallintotheshadows]

I hate how it's so difficult to die, it's so cruel how we cannot just easily die in peace when we want to. But anyway I wish you the best.

You are the one member I feel bad for the most. You have been here for so long and have not been able to committ to any method other than if we were able to actually have a way to do it with what hospitals have provided to put others out of their misery.