Attempt number 2

[heyhoherewego]

Going to try again tonight with full suspension, this time with benzos.
ditched a test today and they told my parents, but i covered for myself. i was actually hoping to go and give it, but write some absolute absurdities (i have no idea wtf is going on in the class, not like i could give it normally). writing some insane bullshit on a test which would likely be checked very soon might have served as further motivation, but ig ill work with what i got. i hope the rope treats me well tonight, ill keep this thread updated incase anything goes wrong or if my SI once again gets the better of me.

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish, Heyho, however things work out. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Good luck and I hope you find peace!

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best.

 

[SixNeufUn]

Hope you will get what you're searching for

 

[lastch]

Did u decide on partial or full?

 

[heyhoherewego]

Did u decide on partial or full?

my first attempt was full (it was supposed to be anyway, wasnt able to take the step)
this attempt will also be full, although ill probably still try doing partial at the edge of the table and slipping off into a full suspension, maybe with benzos ill be able to take the step if that fails.
if im not able to do either, i have spare nooses ready in my room to do partial in my closet.

 

[heyhoherewego]

Update:


the time is approaching and im not sure if it will work tonight. i just dont feel any urge whatsoever to end it. life isnt bad enough, but i know its the only escape. fuck man

i wont have another opportunity like this down the road, shifting houses + school tests just around the corner will make sure of that. why do i feel this way .
i wish i could say i was feeling frustrated or anxious or upset but im not. im not really feeling much of anything rn. have i missed my chance? is suicide possible if you dont have any crippling condition or horrific life circumstances? i thought i came close in my last attempt, but maybe i was farther from it than i realized.
ig ill still try tonight but if im already having doubts i dont think being even more sleepy and being on benzos to make my already calm state of mind even calmer will do it for me. fucking hell. why is attempting suicide the temporary cure for suicidality, its a sick joke.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Please, if you have doubts, wait. The option may seem like it will go away or there's only one shot. This is a rational worry but it's not true. I'm sorry you're suffering like this.

 

[LunarLight]

Please, if you have doubts, wait. The option may seem like it will go away or there's only one shot. This is a rational worry but it's not true. I'm sorry you're suffering like this.

Agree. If you're not sure, you better wait. We only die once.

 

[heyhoherewego]

man id vent but i dont even want to. ive randomly discovered fucking zen mode a couple hours before i was supposed to kill myself
if there is a god, i bet hes having fun watching this.

 

[Fangarina]

man id vent but i dont even want to. ive randomly discovered fucking zen mode a couple hours before i was supposed to kill myself
if there is a god, i bet hes having fun watching this.

Zen is good, and glad you didn't just push through for the sake of it. I'm a firm believer that when we know, we know. Take care of yourself, and I hope the zen gods are keeping you level tonight