Discussion at what age did you think about suicide the first time? [poll]

[_Minsk]

Just a small poll(:

 

[FuneralCry]

I have never wanted to be alive really, I have never been suited for this life and have always struggled with living but I started to actually think about suicide when I was around 11-12. Suicidal thoughts are a part of me and have been for a long time.

 

[LastWhisper]

For me it was when I was 13, because of some personal problems which themselves aren't really worth it. And then with every next year I had think about it more and more often having more and more reasons for doing it.

 

[ClownMe]

Around 15.

 

[CFLoser]

11

 

[Pallf]

The depression and anxiety started at thirteen after a slew of deaths in the family, but I didn't start having suicidal ideations until freshman year of college. Turns out coming to terms with your sexuality can mess with you pretty badly. Whodathunkit?

 

[Promortalist_]

Wow, the votes really surprised me. We have so much in common it's scary.

I had this weird sadness lingering at the back of my head since 6-7 yrs of age or possibly even earlier (I don't remember). I always had suicide ideations but didn't know it was depression & anxiety until much later in life.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

I voted 10-15, but it was actually between 6-9. My mom had really bad financial problems back then and she would have a lot of rage outbursts and say things like "why don't I die?", "I just wanna shoot myself"... And I'd think, "yes, that would be nice for me too...". I think I wouldn't have had suicidal thoughts so early if it weren't for that stress and those things she said.
What's curious is she doesn't seem to understand my suicidality.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

started really thinking about it when I was 11 or so.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm astonished by the results. That's depressing

 

[Winklemate]

I voted 10-15 but honestly I don't even remember a time when I didn't think suicide was how my life was going to end. I'd like to think it wasn't earlier, so 10-15 is probably a safe bet. It definitely wasn't later.

 

[Despondent]

I had my first thought of hanging myself (in my closet) when I was eight years old. I look back and the scary thing about this is, I don't even think that suicide was ever mentioned to me/around me. At that age, I would worry myself to the point of physical sickness -- it was difficult to even get out of bed. I did have a few things going on in my life, at the time, but it seems like a lot of it was existential issues that I didn't realize since I was young. That would explain my existential crisis twelve years later lol.

 

[littlelungs]

The applicable age range for me isn't listed... but I was 8. I still didn't fully understand the finality of death, but I did know that being alive was terrifying and painful, and that I didn't want to have any part in it anymore, so I pulled a plastic bag over my head, tied it around my neck, and waited. When I started to feel lightheaded and my breathing became shallow, SI kicked in and I ripped the bag off my head.

I often think about how much suffering I could have spared myself if it weren't for the SI – a real pesky thing if you truly don't want to live anymore. Living is difficult, dying is difficult, everything is just so damn difficult. Ideally I would have just not been born in the first place... but here I am. Whoopee.

 

[Nutshell]

Unable to cast vote because the poll fails to include people under 10

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Passive ideation at 17, active at 18/19.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

It started much earlier than the options listed.

I first thought "I want to die" at the age of 4. At around 9/10, I regularly experimented with suicidally motivated acts, such as keeping my head under water for as long as I could, keeping gas cylinders switched on, winding scarves around my neck really tightly. But that seed was planted at 4, and it has only grown since then.

 

[narval]

I've said 10-15 because proximity. I believe that first time was around 9

 

[goingoutinstyle]

no under 10 option? :P but yea i think i probably first had thoughts about not wanting to exist anymore or wishing i was never born when i was around 6-7, and then the first thoughts about actually killing myself when i was 12.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'd say around 12 or 13.

 

[netrezven]

7, don't know the reason

 

[Skathon]

~7-9.

 

[Flau]

I'd say... Maybe i was born with a weird brain, maybe it's my parents that fucked me up.
But as long as i can remember myself I've been attached to gore stuff, liking blood, loving to imagine myself dying, thinking of.. "What would happen if i die" and things like that when i was about 8 years old.

At the age of 11 I had my very first attempt. Didn't work, was totally woth it, I liked the part where I tried!
As I grew older I've given 4 unsuccessful attempts overall that I never talk about in my irl circles. They don't get me, they judge and call me stupid.

Last one was in September 2018. (I was 17) After I got 0 help from a child suicide prevention hot line. It was 2am, I was alone, scared, the lady on the phone told me we don't have a whole day to chit chat, plus it's late and she was sleepy she said.
The bitch really didnt help, only made things worse.
Well... That time it didn't work either. Was a dumb move, I didn't calculate things properly, I got scoffed at later on.

 

[NasiGoreng]

I was 8, but I believed god decided if you live or die. So I stopped believing in god because if he existed I wouldn't have to live trough that pain.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

18-19 years old. The thoughts were only small at that time though. Since then they have grown, and their grip is stronger.