Story at what age did you first try to ctb?

[interna]

i remember the first time i tried to ctb. i was around 7, and i had just finished arguing with my parents. it was late at night. i can't properly remember, but i think i was alone? they'd left for a stroll, i believe. i was more angry than anything else.

of course, i was so small i didn't actually know any viable method, but i can recall grabbing a kitchen knife, hurrying to their bedroom, laying in bed and trying to stab myself in the stomach repeatedly. SI didn't let me, obviously, but it's one of the if not the first memories of trying to kill myself i have.

 

[Gangrel]

Around 15, i don't remember much from that time tbh, life was hell and still is

 

[VoidButterfly]

My first actual attempt was at 19. I took every pill I had and figured that'd be enough. Just ended up losing some of my tongue.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

10, I jumped from the second floor ended up straining both my legs and getting a huge bruise on my back .

 

[Unlucky777]

12 years old

 

[interna]

My first actual attempt was at 19. I took every pill I had and figured that'd be enough. Just ended up losing some of my tongue.

oof that sucks. did you physically lose part of your tongue or do you mean like feeling?

10, I jumped from the second floor ended up straining both my legs and getting a huge bruise on my back .

jumpings ballsy for a 10 year old. wonder if you felt fear or something

 

[VoidButterfly]

oof that sucks. did you physically lose part of your tongue or do you mean like feeling?

The middle of my tongue disintegrated in my mouth, I took a drink of milk and it was filled with bits and I was so confused until I saw in the mirror that it was all coming off. It never recovered.

 

[anhedonic_moron]

roughly when i was 12 or 13 when my mom yelled at me, thought about drinking bleach since one was next to me but what i consider to be my first attempt was 2 years when i tried to hang myself in a forest

 

[Macedonian1987]

I never attempted to CTB, but I want my first attempt to be my last one. I plan to CTB at the age of 39 or 40.
It has been long overdue if you ask me. I've been wanting to die since the age of 16.

 

[Xi-Xi]

11

 

[interna]

roughly when i was 12 or 13 when my mom yelled at me, thought about drinking bleach since one was next to me but what i consider to be my first attempt was 2 years when i tried to hang myself in a forest

hanging in a forest sounds beautiful! im planning to hang myself near a riverbank surrounded by trees, last thing i will see will be fishies swimming:)

 

[anhedonic_moron]

hanging in a forest sounds beautiful! im planning to hang myself near a riverbank surrounded by trees, last thing i will see will be fishies swimming:)

it really is, it's very calming especially on a mildly windy day when you can see the branches on the tree move. to see the fishes move as you go on is even more beautiful!

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

16-17. Violently slashed my wrist with a knife four times but was stopped. I did it in a psychotic break, because, despite being suicidal since 4, I had never been able to go through with an attempt while lucid.

I had stood on my loft bed many times, stared at the hard floor below and tried to imagine jumping head-first. I had stared at my ceiling fan, even tying a noose out of bed sheets and trying it on, tightening it. I had put the scissors I used to cut myself against my throat, against the roof of my mouth, my chest. I had tried so bad to find something I could do.

It wasn't just SI. It was fear of failure. Fear of killing myself and then things fixing right afterwards, making my death for nothing. Fear of my friends killing themselves too.

Fear of pain and loss of control. That one the most, I think. Falling from a height might hurt. Hanging might choke you. That's why I chose a knife in that psychotic break. I control the pain with a knife.

hanging in a forest sounds beautiful! im planning to hang myself near a riverbank surrounded by trees, last thing i will see will be fishies swimming:)

If I ever hung myself, it'd be in one of my favorite forests. Forests are beautiful.

 

[kuroshimi]

17-18?

I always had some kind of death wish, but never really acted on my thoughts. I had full-fledged attempt after I get to university when I tried to hang myself in bathroom of my parents' house.

 

[IsolatedChaos]

i remember the first time i tried to ctb. i was around 7, and i had just finished arguing with my parents. it was late at night. i can't properly remember, but i think i was alone? they'd left for a stroll, i believe. i was more angry than anything else.

of course, i was so small i didn't actually know any viable method, but i can recall grabbing a kitchen knife, hurrying to their bedroom, laying in bed and trying to stab myself in the stomach repeatedly. SI didn't let me, obviously, but it's one of the if not the first memories of trying to kill myself i have.

I have a very similar story! Though I was 9 at the time.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

oof that sucks. did you physically lose part of your tongue or do you mean like feeling?

jumpings ballsy for a 10 year old. wonder if you felt fear or something

I did... I now have a fear of heights

 

[interna]

I have a very similar story! Though I was 9 at the time.

do tell if you want!

I did... I now have a fear of heights

i see. it mustve really sucked. i think jumping is probably one of the scariest methods besides drowning.