Venting At the hospital due to SI

[Turkish_Rose]

As the title says. Had a fit of range where I impulsively successfully cut myself to a point where I could have bled out, but because it was on accident I freaked out so bad it alerted my neighbours. Now I am at the hospital, waiting for hours to be stitched back together.

I hate this world so much. There's so much suffering here at this hospital, it makes me cry. I hate it. I hate it. I wish I had acted rationally and just filled up the bathtub after realising what had happened. I wish this could just end.

 

[cetacea]

im sorry for your pain. theyll put you back together and then you can figure out what to do from there. i hope you will be safe and okay. are you in any pain? are you very sad? what can i do to make it better?

 

[Turkish_Rose]

im sorry for your pain. theyll put you back together and then you can figure out what to do from there. i hope you will be safe and okay. are you in any pain? are you very sad? what can i do to make it better?

I'm so scared. I feel really alone. And I wanna cry both because of my suffering and that of those around me at the hospital. I feel utterly miserable. I rly need ppl to talk to but it's really late where i am

 

[Weltall]

I'm sorry you are in pain and suffering.
Please at least attempt to consider all options that are in front of you.

No matter what your choice is, we just want you to be happy.

I'm so scared. I feel really alone. And I wanna cry both because of my suffering and that of those around me at the hospital. I feel utterly miserable. I rly need ppl to talk to but it's really late where i am

Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. I will be up for some time.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

The hospital is such an uncomfortable space. I hope your time there passes asap.

 

[Raindancer]

I hate hospitals with a passion. I am so sorry you are there alone. I hope the pain isn't too bad. I don't think I can PM yet, but I will be here and up for awhile if you want to chat.

 

[LonelyKitten]

Hospitals can be a horrifying environment for someone suicidal - you're stuck absorbing and witnessing all the suffering around you, on top of your own, while isolated and unable to leave if you feel the need to.

I'm sorry you have to experience that right now.
Is there a thought that soothes you?
You say you regret not turning it into a completed ctb - even if you may change your mind when you're in a better space than right now, perhaps the thought of, "this is temporary, I have this out to it" may help you get thru your current predicament?

Do they know it was self-harm?
Consider trying to avoid some form of being committed/sectioned, if this environment really gets to you.
Not being able to leave voluntarily may make it far worse.

Does talking to us help?
Maybe you can feel less alone venting or relaying your experience to us.

I wish you the best

 

[Turkish_Rose]

Hey everyone, thought I would give an update now that I'm out of the hospital.

Firstly, thank you all for all the warm wishes, it helped me a lot, even if I wasn't able to reply at the time <3.

Thankfully the procedure they chose wasn't all that invasive nor painful, and I was able to be discharged simply with some stuff I am going to have to wear for like a week or so, along with 'receiving' some calls from mental health professionals (which won't happen cus UK moment)

I was able to spend my time after my last message here, along with the rest of the day, with my best friend. I was so shocked when not only did she pick up the phone at 4 am, but quickly found a way to make her way to the hospital, in order to be there for as long as was necessary (which ended up being a loong time lmao). Then I spent a while with her, along with other friends (who did not know what had happened as I was able to hide the bandages under sleeves), until finally going back home to my cats.

This experience has given me a lot to think about. From being faced with the fact that, if help had not arrived, I would have died, to my experience in isolation at the hospital and experience what it's like being there, to then my friend arriving, and everything else, I have been left with a lot to contemplate. I came to this website with the conviction to CBT, but now that conviction has been shaken. I have a lot to think about.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

Thanks for the update @Turkish_Rose. You've been on my mind. I'm glad that your friend was able to be with you.

 

[tiger b]

Sounds like you've a good friend. You might have a lot to think about, but you surely can do that at your own pace. Best wishes

 

[Raindancer]

I am so glad you are OK and your friend was there for you. Take all the time you need to figure things out and I wish you the best<3.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm glad you will be ok! And going back home to your cats, who would probably be lost without you. It sounds like you have lots of love, from your friend, and your cats.

 

[justcallmeJ]

So glad to hear! You are lucky to have such a nice friend. I wish you the best <3

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I wish you the best. The people in your personal life and the people here will support you.

 

[LonelyKitten]

I'm glad you have a caring friend, and some kitties!

Take your time, if you can. You don't have to rush to either decision.
I know what it feels like - recently having been in a hospital related to near-ctbing myself, it can really rattle at your thoughts and convictions.
When it's all thrust directly in front of you - the hospital, death, impact on those you know, etc. - it gives you a lot to process.
No longer fully in the abstract, the actual implications of passing on are made more clear, more tangible to you.

Feel free to talk to all of us about your thoughts, if it helps you figure things out, yeah?
You can be open here regardless of which direction or choice you are more inclined towards.

Best wishes

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I'm so glad you're out of the hospital, and that you felt supported.

My first inpatient experience was the result of some psychosis, and since it wasn't really my conscious choice, I came out with a lot of the same questions and thoughts you're facing now. I've since come to recognize how important it is for me to talk to my doc when I think I'm on a mental downswing. I've not given up all thoughts of CTB, but I'm in a better place to really evaluate my choices.

Wishing you all the best going forward!

 

[hi-okbye]

similar thing happened to me. recently i ended up in the hospital due to ditching out of my ctb attempt. i almost regret it because i wonder if it would've worked if i had just not looked for help. i understand what your going through and know how stressful it can be, i wish you luck and peace soon <3

 

[username8888]

I hate this world so much. There's so much suffering here at this hospital, it makes me cry. I hate it. I hate it. I wish I had acted rationally and just filled up the bathtub after realising what had happened. I wish this could just end.

That's the reason I am saving enough money for Nitrogen gas.

This experience has given me a lot to think about. From being faced with the fact that, if help had not arrived, I would have died, to my experience in isolation at the hospital and experience what it's like being there, to then my friend arriving, and everything else, I have been left with a lot to contemplate. I came to this website with the conviction to CBT, but now that conviction has been shaken. I have a lot to think about.

Whatever your choice: life or ctb. You are both usually right. Besides, are you from Turkey? Your English is cool.