Method At Peace with my decisions

[scottishlass]

So this is not the first time I've tried everything to die on my own terms. Having clicked the button and ordered what I need again and I feel at such peace with the decision. I can't wait to take the ethylene glycol and pills. This time I'm making sure I will not be found. It's a painful way to go but part of me thinks I deserve to suffer. My mental health team have no idea I'm like this again, my parents just cut me off on the phone when all I want is a simple hello. I think of the friends who would be better off without me, and finally I wouldn't have the constant battle in my head of hiding how I truly feel.
I wonder does anyone else out there, when people brand you a "warrior or survivor" all it makes you want to do is die faster. I am the shell of the person I used to be before I was attacked and I will never want to live with my body in the state that it's in now. I will keeping trying to die, it will work and I will finally be at peace.

 

[livinginsorrow]

i'm really sorry you're not okay and have decided to CTB. i'm happy you're at least at peace with the decision. but please know your friends would never be better off without you. i'm sure most people wouldn't. your parents sound like dicks and i'm sure that doesn't help and i'm truly sorry for that, and i'm sorry you were attacked. i hope you find peace in however your life pans out. i'm here if you ever want to talk about anything..
sending love

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I see no value in being a warrior or survivor because it just means someone who is torturing themselves with unnecessary suffering.
I've been a so - called survivor for far too long now, and it's just pointless and meaningless and pisses me off when people tell me how strong I've been.
I don't want to be strong anymore, I just want to die.
I'm so sorry people have not been supportive, and that you were attacked, and hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[sadlyexisting]

No one deserves to die a painful death or suffer, but if you are at peace with that decision, I wish you all the best with your attempt.
I hope you find the peace you are looking for!

 

[Amyend88]

I'm so sorry that life is like this. Both being Scottish, perhaps we crossed paths at some point. Our methods may be different, but it seems that we're heading to the same destination at a similar time. Here's hoping that the next world will be better.

 

[sash]

We have all 'survived' to get this far. I am sorry for the shite you're going through
I wish you peace from the cruelty.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be a relief to feel at peace with your decision, I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering.