LonelyKitten
Seeking one final escape
- Aug 13, 2023
- 284
Hi.
I don't have anything special to say this time.
I'm just at my damn limit with everything and want to let it out.
I want out... I feel so miserable being back in Germany.
I was hoping to try and pick up an SN order, but it never actually arrived.
I'm wishing harder and harder that it did.
I feel so miserable being alone.
I feel so miserable knowing that realistically, the only successful thing I could put my weight behind anymore is to disappear forever...
All my experience, everything I've ever seen, done and learned - *that's* all this world will allow me to do at this point.
I just wanted to be a girl.
Why did I have to be born so weak, so unsuitable for this world?
Why in a place so hostile to my very existence?
Why did I toss away the safety I did find?
Why did I destroy everything?
Did I simply always... want to die, no matter how much my situation improved?
Was there just no way to make up for the first 18 years of my life, no matter what happened?
I see so many goodbye threads now and can't help but see myself joining in the near future.
That seems to be the last real action I can take... 25 years, all for nothing but one final, brief spark.
Sorry little girl, I think that's the only way I can protect you from any further suffering, destitution, or god forbid imprisonment again...
I don't have anything special to say this time.
I'm just at my damn limit with everything and want to let it out.
I want out... I feel so miserable being back in Germany.
I was hoping to try and pick up an SN order, but it never actually arrived.
I'm wishing harder and harder that it did.
I feel so miserable being alone.
I feel so miserable knowing that realistically, the only successful thing I could put my weight behind anymore is to disappear forever...
All my experience, everything I've ever seen, done and learned - *that's* all this world will allow me to do at this point.
I just wanted to be a girl.
Why did I have to be born so weak, so unsuitable for this world?
Why in a place so hostile to my very existence?
Why did I toss away the safety I did find?
Why did I destroy everything?
Did I simply always... want to die, no matter how much my situation improved?
Was there just no way to make up for the first 18 years of my life, no matter what happened?
I see so many goodbye threads now and can't help but see myself joining in the near future.
That seems to be the last real action I can take... 25 years, all for nothing but one final, brief spark.
Sorry little girl, I think that's the only way I can protect you from any further suffering, destitution, or god forbid imprisonment again...
