Venting at my breaking point

[cordolium]

i dont expect many to read this but anyways

all i want to do is die. i have severe chronic pain and it'll only get worse as i grow up. i feel like im crazy. everytime someone loves me they get depressed because i have trouble managing my emotions. i have bad outbursts and dont mean anything i say i just get so angry. i ruin people. ive ruined the two people who have actually loved me and that i loved. im tired of hurting people and hurting myself and feel like my only way out is ending it. i dont want to end it. but nothing helps. no one helps. i dont belong here and i never have. i dont know what to do anymore. i just want it to stop.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Mind if I ask what your chronic pain is from? I'm sorry you've been dealing with it for so long and it's impacted you so much outside of ruining your quality of life. I can relate to ruining people (or thinking I have sometimes, then flipflopping to the opinion I couldn't have meant enough to them to ruin them to make myself feel better), I really hate how just by living/existing, which I never wanted, I've made others worse off for it. I don't know about you but I imagine you're constantly hurting yourself mentally as well. It's awful to exist in such a manner. Welcome to this forum though and perhaps it'll help in some way. I believe it's your choice what you decide to do and I hope you can think fully through what you want to do and figure out what is best for yourself. Best wishes whatever that turns out to be, and once more welcome to SS.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

You sound just like me. I'm much older than u but I feel like this stole my life. The same thing u are dealing with. Sounds like borderline personality disorder or emotionally unstable disorder whichever u wanna call it.

 

[cordolium]

Mind if I ask what your chronic pain is from? I'm sorry you've been dealing with it for so long and it's impacted you so much outside of ruining your quality of life. I can relate to ruining people (or thinking I have sometimes, then flipflopping to the opinion I couldn't have meant enough to them to ruin them to make myself feel better), I really hate how just by living/existing, which I never wanted, I've made others worse off for it. I don't know about you but I imagine you're constantly hurting yourself mentally as well. It's awful to exist in such a manner. Welcome to this forum though and perhaps it'll help in some way. I believe it's your choice what you decide to do and I hope you can think fully through what you want to do and figure out what is best for yourself. Best wishes whatever that turns out to be, and once more welcome to SS.

i have hEDS. my joints are constantly dislocating and i cant walk long distances without my body failing on me. i also have endometriosis, ibs, scoliosis, mitral valve prolapse, POTS and more. and thank you. makes me feel better that im not alone

You sound just like me. I'm much older than u but I feel like this stole my life. The same thing u are dealing with. Sounds like borderline personality disorder or emotionally unstable disorder whichever u wanna call it.

im sorry that you understand what im going through. but im too young to be diagnosed with bpd so i guess i wait. but youre not alone

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, it must be so unbearable what you are going through. To me, it is horrible how so many awful health conditions exist, our bodies really are capable of torturing us. I wish you the best and I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.