Asking for Help

[StarryStarry]

Okay, so out of financial desperation I decided to contact the church up the street (I do NOT practice nor do I believe in the fairytale of god). So I was a bit weepy and I met with the pastor. BIG MISTAKE. I said that I didn't think my life was worth anything. So he starts telling me that if I'm saying what he thinks I'm saying (CTB) that he will have to turn me in and call tell the authorities. FUCK YOU. So I quickly retracted and said oh no nothing like that. So he said he could help me out by paying for me to see a therapist five times. WTF!!!!! Okay, I have no food in my house (haven't had in a while), no rent money, and he is willing to pay for me to see a therapist - like 5 visits are going to help. I am SO STUPID! Why I thought this dumb ass would help me is beyond my imagination. All I can say is that my desperation is obvious. So, this just makes me realize it's time to ctb.

 

[Wrennie]

Okay, so out of financial desperation I decided to contact the church up the street (I do NOT practice nor do I believe in the fairytale of god). So I was a bit weepy and I met with the pastor. BIG MISTAKE. I said that I didn't think my life was worth anything. So he starts telling me that if I'm saying what he thinks I'm saying (CTB) that he will have to turn me in and call tell the authorities. FUCK YOU. So I quickly retracted and said oh no nothing like that. So he said he could help me out by paying for me to see a therapist five times. WTF!!!!! Okay, I have no food in my house (haven't had in a while), no rent money, and he is willing to pay for me to see a therapist - like 5 visits are going to help. I am SO STUPID! Why I thought this dumb ass would help me is beyond my imagination. All I can say is that my desperation is obvious. So, this just makes me realize it's time to ctb.

Every day I'm increasingly convinced that the systems put in place to "prevent" suicides are designed with the actual intent to "cause" them.

Threaten to lock up a depressed, suffering individual with nowhere else to turn to. Force you to strip in front of a complete stranger for an 'intake evaluation', fall asleep to the screaming of other inmates, have flashlights shone in your face every 15 minutes come bedtime, be robbed of your phone/any connection to the outside world, sleep on a bed as rock solid as a board, and be confined to your room for hours on end staring at a blank wall until you're finally scheduled to attend a "group" - which basically just consists of some random psych lady with an overinflated ego rehashing all of the same overused platitudes you've heard of infinite times already. Then you're pressured into having to take drugs that can make you dependent on them just to function, cause horrendous & in some cases PERMANENT side effects, and then they'll force you to foot the bill for the whole ordeal.

Gee, that'll help for sure! /s

 

[Onthe29th]

Okay, so out of financial desperation I decided to contact the church up the street (I do NOT practice nor do I believe in the fairytale of god). So I was a bit weepy and I met with the pastor. BIG MISTAKE. I said that I didn't think my life was worth anything. So he starts telling me that if I'm saying what he thinks I'm saying (CTB) that he will have to turn me in and call tell the authorities. FUCK YOU. So I quickly retracted and said oh no nothing like that. So he said he could help me out by paying for me to see a therapist five times. WTF!!!!! Okay, I have no food in my house (haven't had in a while), no rent money, and he is willing to pay for me to see a therapist - like 5 visits are going to help. I am SO STUPID! Why I thought this dumb ass would help me is beyond my imagination. All I can say is that my desperation is obvious. So, this just makes me realize it's time to ctb.

I'm really sorry that happened to you.
He probably doesn't want to say that he'll help you pay your bills because he doesn't want his regular members or others to come to the church asking to have their bills paid as well.

it's really hard to just do something good for people without worrying about taken advantage of oteven getting killed nowadays.
Have you tried talking to job and family services or tried getting section 8? There might even be some income driven homes/apartments too if you're in your 50's.

I know my state has those and there are healthcare clinics within walking distance of them.

 

[StarryStarry]

I'm really sorry that happened to you?
He probably doesn't want to say that he'll help you pay your bills because he doesn't want his regular members or others to come to the church asking to have their bills paid as well.

it's really hard to just do something good for people without worrying about taken advantage of our even getting killed nowadays.
Have you tried talking to job and family services or tried getting section 8? There might even be some income driven homes/apartments too if you're in your 50's.

I know my state has those and there are healthcare clinics within walking distance of them.

Where I live has nothing and older people are worthless so ........

 

[Chiisai]

This reminds me of my local church where homeless people ask for food in exchange of church services. The pastor/priest might have just been waiting for you to say what you really need. Anyway, hoping for the best outcome.

 

[Onthe29th]

Where I live has nothing and older people are worthless so ........

That's unfortunate. I'm studying mental health now and so I can tell you that psychologists KNOW that people ctb for financial reasons but the rent continues to go up, jobs are increasingly difficult to get and nothing.

I'm sorry I couldn't help you more. It's infuriating how the world operates.

 

[StarryStarry]

That's unfortunate. I'm studying mental health now and so I can tell you that psychologists KNOW that people ctb for financial reasons but the rent continues to go up, jobs are increasingly difficult to get and nothing.

I'm sorry I couldn't help you more. It's infuriating how the world operates.

I appreciate your input. Unfortunately, I'm older and my story is very long (I won't bore you). I am being pushed more and more to ctb and that's okay.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you had that experience, I can imagine it must be very frustrating. I personally do not believe that therapy is helpful as it does not take away why you are suicidal in the first place. I wish we lived in a world where suicide was not so stigmatised and our right to die was respected. I never see it as a good thing to open up to others about being suicidal. I wish you the best in whatever happens.