Venting Asking for a second opinion

[ahzekahriman]

New member here. Finally found a place to share my thoughts without pesky guidelines preventing me from sharing.

Im currently a late year student at university. My final thesis (required for graduation) has been delayed for 2 years now, because im not capable enough on working it. Have been working for some time to avoid said thesis, earning my own keep since i no longer got allowance for being a student (cut off after 4years in uni), but now my contract is up and I am officially jobless. Feeling pretty shitty most of the time since the pandemic happened, I lost all my ambitions and drive since me and my ex broke at early '20. I feel like i am not cut out for living, since I cant even do my fucking thesis, and working small times or interns isnt even an option since it pays like garbage.

Do you guys think I should end it all rn? I dont want to continue living, or at least for now i dont. Have been having ctb thoughts in uni years but these days it came back even stronger. I dont want to progress, Im not capable enough to handle the stress. I think it would be the most logical sense in ctb since i would not have burdened my family by being a failure, and my body rots on the ground, so i would not use anymore resources of this precious earth. Probably the most good ive done in this world is being a fertilizer for the trees.

Anyway, sorry if my words seem sloppy. English is not my primary language.

 

[Amakishiyo]

It depends, do you think you have the energy to try to seek help or change? To keep trying for a little longer? If you have some hope left, it may be worthwhile just holding out a little longer if you can bear it. If theres any things you think could help you, it might just be worth trying if you have some hope left.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

None one here can or will tell you if you should CTB. Only you can decide if it is worth continuing to live.

What do you think is getting in the way of you completing your thesis?

 

[FuneralCry]

It literally says in the rules of the site that others cannot tell you what to do. But of course it does sound tiring being trapped in that situation, I think that it's true that some people aren't meant for existing, at least that's the way that I see it.

 

[Darkover]

only you can make the choice whenever life is worth living or not it's you who as to walk in your shoes

 

[AngryDog]

Those suicidal thoughts, lack of enjoyment of things you used to enjoy and feelings of low self steem are quite common in depression, which you seem to be struggling with. When that happens, suicide looks tempting and it seems like a logic decision, because it looks like a long term solution. "My family and loved ones would cry or suffer for a while, but in the end, they'll move on" one might say to themselves. It seems rational, but most of the time it is not. The suicidal ideation can come and go sometines randomly. In many cases it's a treatable hormonal inbalance. Also, there are are several external circumstances that may have contributed to the disorder in your case.

I know, failing to keep a job, breaking up with your partner and not being able to finish your thesis sucks real hard. Working on a thesis can be especially a real bitch and require an enormous amount of time and work. At the same time, the fact that you struggle with your thesis means that you passed all the other exams, which isn't something easy to do at all. From one university student to another (I'm 6 years late and still can't finish my own thesis), I know how it feels and it sucks, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

I would recommend you to seek help in form of a psychiatrist and/or psychologist first and see how it goes.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Caoine01]

final thesis

Can you please tell me what the topic of the thesis is, how much you have already done and what your mother tongue is?