TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,706
Disclaimer: I am not telling anyone that they shouldn't write a note. Ultimately, it is up to each individual to decide whether one wishes to leave a note for those in their lives (family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, etc.). Instead, this thread is just explaining another benefit of not leaving a note behind.
With that said, this is something that recently came to mind. Years ago, I was fixated on writing a note, then I wavered from wanting to and then not wanting to, and ultimately settling on not leaving a note behind. My reasoning (of course, speaking for myself) is that the amount of effort and energy spent into doing so would be in vain and nil, especially when people don't understand it and I wouldn't be around to clarify, not that I would want to be around to begin with (hence the act of CTB'ing)!
Furthermore, it is up to the survivors to deduce what is going on and I think the lack of knowledge of it is just easier (imho), and it's not like they would be persuaded nor come to an understanding of the why. If they get it, then that's great, but if they don't, it shouldn't be on the person who is CTB'ing to get them to understand (in reality, most wouldn't, or those who may understand still reject it due to some personal arbitrary reason or bias). Additionally, it misses the point of CTB'ing as an ultimate act of free will, to not only overcome one's strongest instinct to live, but also finding ultimate, permanent peace. Sure, the reasoning matters, but too oftenly I find that people (especially survivors) are fixated on the "why" rather than respecting one's wishes to go.
Finally, the most important niche benefit for not writing or leaving behind a note is that in the event someone screws up and survives, they can avoid letting other people (except for first responders and those close to them such as close friends or family) know that they intended to CTB but failed. Failing a CTB attempt is horrifying as it can (depending on the method) leave permanent injury and suffering as well as result in a worse aftermath. These consequences include, but are not limited to: additional scrutiny, a stay in the psych ward, and in the event of a permanent injury, not being able to try again or use the same/previous method as before. Another caveat of surviving an attempt and someone leaving a note is that depending on the degree of incapacitation and debility from the attempt, they may even lack the means to cancel or destroy their note after the failed attempt, leading others to discover the CTB while one is alive (just imagine the horror, humiliation, and embarrassment alone from that!), causing more urge to CTB while being unable to. Now, people can say but delayed emails and snail mail, but again, the caveat is that if one survives an attempt and is severely debilitated to such a degree that they couldn't cancel it or sent it via snail mail (will take time, but unable to cancel it once sent), then they would suffer the psychological aftermath of failure, which is another hell in-and-of itself. Prior to one CTB'ing, life is already hell, but failing and having one's own most inner most confessions and personal vulnerability on full display is another exponential level of suffering that words cannot describe.
Therefore, this is the one niche advantage of not leaving a note behind, it's in the rare event (shouldn't happen but again nothing is 100% guaranteed in this existence) that one fails. Once again, I am not telling people that they shouldn't leave a note, write a note as it is up to the individual themselves. If they find closure in doing so and/or wish to for whatever reason (or lack thereof), then it is their prerogative and I respect their decision.
With that said, this is something that recently came to mind. Years ago, I was fixated on writing a note, then I wavered from wanting to and then not wanting to, and ultimately settling on not leaving a note behind. My reasoning (of course, speaking for myself) is that the amount of effort and energy spent into doing so would be in vain and nil, especially when people don't understand it and I wouldn't be around to clarify, not that I would want to be around to begin with (hence the act of CTB'ing)!
Furthermore, it is up to the survivors to deduce what is going on and I think the lack of knowledge of it is just easier (imho), and it's not like they would be persuaded nor come to an understanding of the why. If they get it, then that's great, but if they don't, it shouldn't be on the person who is CTB'ing to get them to understand (in reality, most wouldn't, or those who may understand still reject it due to some personal arbitrary reason or bias). Additionally, it misses the point of CTB'ing as an ultimate act of free will, to not only overcome one's strongest instinct to live, but also finding ultimate, permanent peace. Sure, the reasoning matters, but too oftenly I find that people (especially survivors) are fixated on the "why" rather than respecting one's wishes to go.
Finally, the most important niche benefit for not writing or leaving behind a note is that in the event someone screws up and survives, they can avoid letting other people (except for first responders and those close to them such as close friends or family) know that they intended to CTB but failed. Failing a CTB attempt is horrifying as it can (depending on the method) leave permanent injury and suffering as well as result in a worse aftermath. These consequences include, but are not limited to: additional scrutiny, a stay in the psych ward, and in the event of a permanent injury, not being able to try again or use the same/previous method as before. Another caveat of surviving an attempt and someone leaving a note is that depending on the degree of incapacitation and debility from the attempt, they may even lack the means to cancel or destroy their note after the failed attempt, leading others to discover the CTB while one is alive (just imagine the horror, humiliation, and embarrassment alone from that!), causing more urge to CTB while being unable to. Now, people can say but delayed emails and snail mail, but again, the caveat is that if one survives an attempt and is severely debilitated to such a degree that they couldn't cancel it or sent it via snail mail (will take time, but unable to cancel it once sent), then they would suffer the psychological aftermath of failure, which is another hell in-and-of itself. Prior to one CTB'ing, life is already hell, but failing and having one's own most inner most confessions and personal vulnerability on full display is another exponential level of suffering that words cannot describe.
Therefore, this is the one niche advantage of not leaving a note behind, it's in the rare event (shouldn't happen but again nothing is 100% guaranteed in this existence) that one fails. Once again, I am not telling people that they shouldn't leave a note, write a note as it is up to the individual themselves. If they find closure in doing so and/or wish to for whatever reason (or lack thereof), then it is their prerogative and I respect their decision.
