Are you overthinking your suicide?

[coma-baby]

Do you think that you're overthinking your plan? Do you think you're overthinking your date? Do you think you're overthinking what will happen afterwards? And do you think that overthinking is preventing you from taking that final step?

For me?
Oh yeah. Big time.

I wish I could get myself to act impulsively and bite the bullet so to speak. My decision to ctb was not formed on impulse. I've been considering it and dragging my feet and weighing the pros and cons for around 17 years. I've been thinking about this for 17 years. At this point, I am sure that this is what I want. But now I'm stuck on the little details. I would love to turn the volume of my brain down and just go for it.

How about y'all? Do you guys deal with the same shit?

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

If being frightened into impotence is "overthinking," then yes. But the day I have to move out onto the streets is the day I stop overthinking.

 

[Ratherbeskinny]

I'm not tbh. I'm just like "when the time comes, I'll get my hands on pills and just do it". My mom's house is like a farmacy to begin with, so that wouldn't be too difficult. I've been thinking about other methods as well for the last few days though, that's how I know it's (almost) my time. I'm the queen of overthinking in general, though.

 

[Fragile]

yes, definitely.

this is the most consistent thought i've had in my mind for the last 12 years. and i've always known that i will go by my own means.
but what's really bothering me lately is always overtinking about what's going to happen afer i'm dead, to me and also to those left behind, and then, what happens if i fail? this is now becoming an intrusive thought.

 

[Nem]

If being frightened into impotence is "overthinking," then yes. But the day I have to move out onto the streets is the day I stop overthinking.

Fuckin rights!!!! Once homeless it's time for immediate action
Peace!

 

[lymbo]

Fuckin rights!!!! Once homeless it's time for immediate action
Peace!

OMG homeless yn canada you wont need to thynk of ways to ctb

 

[Nem]

OMG homeless yn canada you wont need to thynk of ways to ctb

Yep, a person can freeze their asshole in just a few minutes in this shit hole
Peace

 

[GreyMagic]

Yes. Can't stop trying to plan the perfect death even though I know my death is never going to be good enough. Just like everything else in my life.

It's painful.

 

[passenger27]

I overthink everything. Can never quite get it exactly right...

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

Yes, everyday, every hour and every minute my thoughts are consumed with it. Should I wait until after Thanksgiving so my family can enjoy at least one of the holidays? I most definitely can't wait until after Christmas. I'm afraid with how things will play out. If it's going to hurt or if I'll just slip off into sleep and won't be aware otherwise. I'm finding myself trying to make the blow less painful for others and making myself suffer trying to stick around for it. It's absolutely torture and awful. I wish they had a company that was a non for profit that could assist others with their affairs before, during and after death in order to ease stress and anxiety for us. No matter what method or reason someone is or will be passing shouldn't matter. Truly having to CTB seems like we have to suffer completely until the end alone and scared because society doesn't see it fitting to end ones life before "their time". So wrong

 

[RealLostSoul]

for sure. I think about my family and everything. Not going to lie. One side in my head tells me "maybe it's just another day until it gets better" and another one tells me "dude you have nothing left to live for. you waited for so long but it just gets worse. what are you waiting for? pack your shit together and leave this trash planet"

 

[Jengator]

Yes definitely. I just want to do it already. My dad has family in town doting all over him. They aren't even his blood. They are my blood, yet they pretty much ignore me, leave for the whole day, don't offer to take me to the right doctor. But will talk about their day and their normal people complaints, make a sarcastic comment about me not throwing away a paper cup. I'm disabled and not getting the right healthcare. Nobody fucking cares. I just got asked to put something in the dryer while they are gone. I really want to blow my head off right now.

 

[a_strange_day]

Not about the act in itself, everything is ready. On the other hand I'm totally overthinking everything else, but honestly I think it's just a way to find an excuse to push back the deadline, procrastination.

 

[coma-baby]

Reading through everyone's replies so far. Seems like we're all in good company.

I also kinda figured that EVERYONE on a forum website about suicide would be in the same boat with overthinking. That's probably why we took the time to make the accounts. Why we take the time to make posts and replies.

We're all thinking instead of doing. I hate this. I hate thinking. I want it to stop.

 

[Ame]

I overthink and obsessively agonize over minute details to the point of paralysis. This extends beyond suicide and bleeds into every single aspect of my life - so much so, that I don't even know that I can say that I have a life. If anything, I am sure that this tendency of mine is one of the things that lie at the core of my desire to CTB.

 

[coma-baby]

I overthink and obsessively agonize over minute details to the point of paralysis. This extends beyond suicide and bleeds into every single aspect of my life - so much so, that I don't even know that I can say that I have a life. If anything, I am sure that this tendency of mine is one of the things that lie at the core of my desire to CTB.

This is the boat I'm in right now.
I had a job interview scheduled a couple weeks ago and I was more or less paralyzed (catatonic?) with anxiety to the point where I didn't go.

I overthink and obsessively agonize over minute details to the point of paralysis. This extends beyond suicide and bleeds into every single aspect of my life - so much so, that I don't even know that I can say that I have a life. If anything, I am sure that this tendency of mine is one of the things that lie at the core of my desire to CTB.

This is the boat I'm in right now.
I had a job interview scheduled a couple weeks ago and I was more or less paralyzed (catatonic?) with anxiety to the point where I didn't go.
Same with dishes. Dishes are something I notice because they pile up. It gets to the point where there aren't any left and they go moldy. I overthink the little things and it stops me from taking care of myself and my home.
Sorry I'm on mobile I'm not sure how to fix that mistake above? Maybe when I'm home.

 

[Ame]

This is the boat I'm in right now.
I had a job interview scheduled a couple weeks ago and I was more or less paralyzed (catatonic?) with anxiety to the point where I didn't go.
Same with dishes. Dishes are something I notice because they pile up. It gets to the point where there aren't any left and they go moldy. I overthink the little things and it stops me from taking care of myself and my home.
Sorry I'm on mobile I'm not sure how to fix that mistake above? Maybe when I'm home.

Oh no, it's okay! Please try not too worry too much about the formatting mistakes.

I'm terribly sorry about the job interview and that this obsession loop has negatively impacted your capacity to practice self-care. My case is a bit different but I think that we can agree that being overly inhibited can be a really shit state of affairs. Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Reading through everyone's replies so far. Seems like we're all in good company.

I also kinda figured that EVERYONE on a forum website about suicide would be in the same boat with overthinking. That's probably why we took the time to make the accounts. Why we take the time to make posts and replies.

We're all thinking instead of doing. I hate this. I hate thinking. I want it to stop.

Yes totally! I wish i was more impulsive, braver, less scared & with a really weak SI!

 

[justwannadie]

I'm overthinking it so much. I'm procrastinating suicide. I want to die so bad and I know it's going to happen but I keep delaying it. I obsessively research and plan and tell myself I'm going to do it soon and that calms me down but when I try to follow through with my method, which requires planning in advance and traveling somewhere, I can't. I think the biggest problem is that my method requires me to travel somewhere 2 hours away by train and I feel really scared and unsafe when I'm alone on public transportation and in busy cities. I hate it so much. I want to just do it. I had the opportunity for another location (no longer have access to it) and I went there easily. But this is far and requires public transportation, which is such a stupid reason to hesitate. My anxiety and agoraphobia are so bad and I have this fear that something terrible is going to happen to me while I'm in the city. But I'm just going there once, to kill myself, so I shouldn't be so terrified. It's not like I'm going to be living there. And it's crowded, broad daylight. I hate my brain.

 

[Moon Flower]

I'm starting to overthink it. My date's set for the 7th and I can't stop thinking about how at this time in a week I'll no longer be, and it's a very strange feeling

 

[MeltingHeart]

Do you think that you're overthinking your plan? Do you think you're overthinking your date? Do you think you're overthinking what will happen afterwards? And do you think that overthinking is preventing you from taking that final step?

For me?
Oh yeah. Big time.

I wish I could get myself to act impulsively and bite the bullet so to speak. My decision to ctb was not formed on impulse. I've been considering it and dragging my feet and weighing the pros and cons for around 17 years. I've been thinking about this for 17 years. At this point, I am sure that this is what I want. But now I'm stuck on the little details. I would love to turn the volume of my brain down and just go for it.

How about y'all? Do you guys deal with the same shit?

Sometimes I think strange things like I wonder how many people have ctb since I've been on here , or how many today, or I read stories in the media about people that have & have a sort of envy...and can't understand why I can't - why am I so scared? They weren't ? Or they prob were but they still managed to do it anyway! Then I just feel like I'm cracking up even more due to thinking about it ALL the time whilst still being trapped in the land of the living...

 

[bornsinner]

yes I'm over thinking big time

 

[MeltingHeart]

yes I'm over thinking big time

I can't help but feel a lot of peeps on here are- I get that the research & prep is good ...but ultimately many are prob just quite scared - which is understandable as it is quite scary really...I guess some people are waiting for their 'date' they have set- which is a concept I don't quite understand - but each to their own of course

 

[RainAndSadness]

Yes. I'm an old 2018 member for a reason.

 

[Stan]

I think overthinking is something that everyone one has done at some point. What I find damaging is when members express that in ways that worry other members. Peacefulness of methods is one I see a lot and that sends ripples of concern through others that were at a certain level of acceptance with their choice.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I had a job interview scheduled a couple weeks ago and I was more or less paralyzed (catatonic?) with anxiety to the point where I didn't go.

Me too. I had an interview for a state position yesterday at 1PM. I stayed up until 5AM obsessing over filling out forms and finally went to sleep, no alarm, at 7AM. I don't want to be seen. Can't leave my house. I don't have the integrity to deal with the way people tend to treat each other, let alone something like me.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Do you think that you're overthinking your plan? Do you think you're overthinking your date? Do you think you're overthinking what will happen afterwards? And do you think that overthinking is preventing you from taking that final step?

For me?
Oh yeah. Big time.

I wish I could get myself to act impulsively and bite the bullet so to speak. My decision to ctb was not formed on impulse. I've been considering it and dragging my feet and weighing the pros and cons for around 17 years. I've been thinking about this for 17 years. At this point, I am sure that this is what I want. But now I'm stuck on the little details. I would love to turn the volume of my brain down and just go for it.

How about y'all? Do you guys deal with the same shit?

I've been thinking about suicide for over 3 years and have been saving my pain medication which I should have been taking. Not all of it of course because I need it. But I'd save one pill from each day so I'd have enough to kill myself because Ive been in pain for 14 years since I was 20 and am not able to leave the house. And I knew how the doctors were getting with pain meds, how they are cutting everyone down because of the teal drug addicts who are overdosing. So people like me have to suffer due to their addiction. I mean if people want to do drugs don't punish me for it. Three years ago my friend who had the same illness as an killed herself and she let me know of a docor who you can call and tell him what hpkind if pills you have and how much you'll need and all that stuff. The only thing I'm over thinking is the date. I know I have enough to go and I obviously know how I want to go. I just don't know when. I'm scared I'm not going to lie. I'm afraid it may not work even though I have enough to kill three people. But still does anyone really want to kill themselves? It's not something you dream about as a kid. It's screwed up that we can't just walk into a doctor's office like you can do with animals when they are suffering and say out me down. I know people with mental disorders aren't going to ever be allowed to be euthanized because a lot of people always think it's going to pass which is wrong. But still least euthanize people who have a degenerative physical disease or even a disease of the mind like dementia.

 

[Midnight]

Yes for nearly 2 decades. How i managed to torture myself like this for so long i have no clue.

 

[bigj75]

yes. probably could just order sn and get it done properly but I'm secondguessing myself between nembutal and sn.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Yeah, lots of worrying, wanting to be beyond perfect, finding flaws where there probably are none; I think I use it subconsciously as an excuse to delay.