I think I am somewhat good at it. At college I need more social contacts. My best friend at college has different courses now. I really really liked him. Recently I met him and it was great. I miss the time when we met us more frequently. This dude is a genius, a genuinely good person, very helpful etc. But he is eager as fuck and usually does not have a lot of time. Though I think he helped me a lot because he knows I am disabled.
Now I am in need to find other people. He still can help me but I don't want to rely solely on one person. There were basically two persons I had regular contact with.
I am not good at social interactions. I think I messed some interactions up. But I have met new people. I think there are different traits that I find important when I have contacts at college. Maybe the most important one they must be trustworthy and good people. Another one is it would be good if they were smart so that we can help each other. Another point (maybe the least important) it would be good if they were eager and had some motivation. Sitting next to someone who talks the whole time annoys me.
In the past I had some acquaintances in college which did not make very happy. I was "friend" with people who were friendly but they barely did anything for college. And they were not that bright. I can quote the person I think of when I opened up about my mental illness she said "Well I always have depression either." She did not really know what depression means. She was not mentally ill I am very sure about that. It was just a pretty ignorant statement. But I was really completely fucked during this period. She was friendly despite her ignorance. However statements like that are kind of annoying. She equated the feeling of boredom and (superficial) sadness with depression.
There is currently a guy who seemingly wants to take advantage of me. I hinted that I might have some issues (but I have a lot of information that could help him.) Honestly he disgusts me. First I thought maybe he is a good guy but my first impression was pretty wrong. Due to him I have contact to more people. He introduced me to some of them. And some of them really seem to be okay. But the guy who introduced me to them disgusts me. Maybe I am a little bit too judgemental. But I don't feel any empathy when I am around him. I rather have the feeling he wants to take advantage of my vulnerability.
I am in a dilemma. The group he introduced me can help me in college. But I try to keep a certain distance to him. However we have some courses together. He tries to come close to me.
Gladly I have met recently two other people I can connect with. I am not sure whether the one guy is very smart or not. But he seems to me way more genuine than the other guy, I try to keep contact with him. For me it is more important that the other person is genuine than their intelligence. However I rely on some information I cannot collect when I am all alone. I hope he wants contact with me. I have a lot of insider information which can be helpful.
To add one thing. I think in my analysis of these social interactions I seem to be too utilitarian/cold. Someone who does not see the other person as a human rather than strategic contact. I can see why other people could have this impression. But I just have the feeling most people don't want real friendships at college. The guy I described as the best friend at college forgot my last name. Lol. And he was by far the guy I had the most contact with. I just cannot pretend that some strategical considersation would not be part of socialising. I really would like to have him as a close friend. But he is way too busy for that. And other people seem for me also not very eager to make new deep friendships.
Okay I add one last guy. Recently I also met another extremely savvy guy. I think he does not have much motivation. Though he is exceptionally smart. I would also like to have contact with him. But he does not seem to be a very social person. I don't know whether I should try to approach him. I am not fully sure about his character. But he seems to be less fake than the guy who I described above.
So I think I am good in judging whether people are trustworthy or not. My closest friends are genuinely good people and very very trustworthy. But people like that are seldom and not easy to find.
Now I am in need to find other people. He still can help me but I don't want to rely solely on one person. There were basically two persons I had regular contact with.
I am not good at social interactions. I think I messed some interactions up. But I have met new people. I think there are different traits that I find important when I have contacts at college. Maybe the most important one they must be trustworthy and good people. Another one is it would be good if they were smart so that we can help each other. Another point (maybe the least important) it would be good if they were eager and had some motivation. Sitting next to someone who talks the whole time annoys me.
In the past I had some acquaintances in college which did not make very happy. I was "friend" with people who were friendly but they barely did anything for college. And they were not that bright. I can quote the person I think of when I opened up about my mental illness she said "Well I always have depression either." She did not really know what depression means. She was not mentally ill I am very sure about that. It was just a pretty ignorant statement. But I was really completely fucked during this period. She was friendly despite her ignorance. However statements like that are kind of annoying. She equated the feeling of boredom and (superficial) sadness with depression.
There is currently a guy who seemingly wants to take advantage of me. I hinted that I might have some issues (but I have a lot of information that could help him.) Honestly he disgusts me. First I thought maybe he is a good guy but my first impression was pretty wrong. Due to him I have contact to more people. He introduced me to some of them. And some of them really seem to be okay. But the guy who introduced me to them disgusts me. Maybe I am a little bit too judgemental. But I don't feel any empathy when I am around him. I rather have the feeling he wants to take advantage of my vulnerability.
I am in a dilemma. The group he introduced me can help me in college. But I try to keep a certain distance to him. However we have some courses together. He tries to come close to me.
Gladly I have met recently two other people I can connect with. I am not sure whether the one guy is very smart or not. But he seems to me way more genuine than the other guy, I try to keep contact with him. For me it is more important that the other person is genuine than their intelligence. However I rely on some information I cannot collect when I am all alone. I hope he wants contact with me. I have a lot of insider information which can be helpful.
To add one thing. I think in my analysis of these social interactions I seem to be too utilitarian/cold. Someone who does not see the other person as a human rather than strategic contact. I can see why other people could have this impression. But I just have the feeling most people don't want real friendships at college. The guy I described as the best friend at college forgot my last name. Lol. And he was by far the guy I had the most contact with. I just cannot pretend that some strategical considersation would not be part of socialising. I really would like to have him as a close friend. But he is way too busy for that. And other people seem for me also not very eager to make new deep friendships.
Okay I add one last guy. Recently I also met another extremely savvy guy. I think he does not have much motivation. Though he is exceptionally smart. I would also like to have contact with him. But he does not seem to be a very social person. I don't know whether I should try to approach him. I am not fully sure about his character. But he seems to be less fake than the guy who I described above.
So I think I am good in judging whether people are trustworthy or not. My closest friends are genuinely good people and very very trustworthy. But people like that are seldom and not easy to find.
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