I think some people are scared to become exactly like their parents. I can somewhat relate to that. My dad is very cynical and arrogant. Blames everyone for their incompetence but he himself is very stupid and incompetent as fuck. For example he made fun of the English of a certain politician. He himself does not understand one word English. He recently wanted to type the female version of the term blogger (in German bloggerin) he typed ploogerinn. Maybe one could say this is nothing more than an anecdote. But it quite is a good example for the arrogance of my dad. He always points the finger at other people because his children have hellish lives. He was directly involved in the abuse. Not the refugees are the reason for the misery of this family. (he often emphasizes that) Calls everyone else incompetent despite the fact he ruined the lives of his own children. Once I told it straight to his face. I paraphrase it "The politicians have not abused us. You always call other people losers. For me these politicians with their PhDs are no losers. At least they have not ruined the lives of their children. People who do shit like that these people can be called losers." He cried afterwards. But don't worry after two weeks he completely forgot everything. My parents are extremely skilled to fade out hurtful truths. My father is even better at that than my mom. And due to the fact he is so good at it he suffers less. I think honest and refecttive people could barely cope/live with the guilt of what they did. My dad though is so ignorant that he barely thinks about it.
I think his cognitive abilities are pretty bad. I repeated that a thousand time. My cognitive abilities are way better than his still he is the one who is able to hold a job. I envy that a lot. I think the cognitive abilities of my dad are so horrible due to untreated depression. It is really frightening. It sometimes feels like he was in a pre-stage of dementia. I could imagine in case I get dementia or a stroke my cognitive abilities could become as impaired as his. Though I think I won't reach that age anyway.
Maybe this was not the core of this thread. But I wanted to introduce you to my dad. I am scared to become like him.
It is true my parents did a horrible job how they raised their children. Though I am not sure whether I would do a better job. Gladly I am reflective enough to know that if you barely can manage your own life procreating is not a smart decision. So in case I procreated I would fear to be even worse than my parents.
In some relations I am similar to my parents. When I was young they influenced me a lot on politics. I have learned from them the aversion to drugs. And I still hold that position. This was probably the best thing they taught us. My mom is really eager. She abused me to become self-disciplined. She kind of succeeded. I am extremely self-disciplined. Though the side effects of that is that I am a mental wreck that only consists of pathologies like OCD behaviors and bipolar/psychotic elements. I am imprisoned in an agonizing hypervigilant torture chamber which can be called my consciousness.
I am very thin. But my sister also became obsessed by her weight. Maybe I sound arrogant. But I am way more intelligent and educated than them. Admittedly that is not difficult if you look at people who think abusing their children is a promising way to prepare them for the world. During my first psychosis my sister thought hitting me in the face would be a potential way to make me again thinking straight.
My sister is in a severe cognitive decline since her first/ especially second psychosis. It is really frightening that shit like that can happen. Honestly I think I am barely affected by that. I had way more issues concerning my mood and psychosomatic pain. So this is a clear difference between me and my relatives.
My mom and sister are aiming for hedonism in some sense. My dad I don't know he is very lazy and really stupid. My parents politicized me with talking about politics when we ate food together. It affected me in a very positive manner.
I am interested in philosphy which noone else in my family is interested in. I am kind of deep. At least this is what many people told me. I think my sister once was that too. But now she is one of the types who shares these embarassing platitudes of websites with pseudo-deep platitudes. Shit like mademyday.com I am not sure how widespread this website is in other countries. But it is pretty shitty.
I realize this thread is again way too long.
My parents like soccer. I lost more and more interest in that. My financial situation will be way worse than theirs.
I think I have presented many examples I could go on for hours but who wants to read that shit anyway.
There are some parallels between my relatives and me. My dad has OCD and depression too. But on many key elements we are quite diametrical.
Initially I wanted to elaborate on the implications of being different to your family. How it feels to be an outcast in your own family. This can probably be a huge impact on one's mental development. But as I said this thread is way too long already.
Are you an outcast in your own family?
I think his cognitive abilities are pretty bad. I repeated that a thousand time. My cognitive abilities are way better than his still he is the one who is able to hold a job. I envy that a lot. I think the cognitive abilities of my dad are so horrible due to untreated depression. It is really frightening. It sometimes feels like he was in a pre-stage of dementia. I could imagine in case I get dementia or a stroke my cognitive abilities could become as impaired as his. Though I think I won't reach that age anyway.
Maybe this was not the core of this thread. But I wanted to introduce you to my dad. I am scared to become like him.
It is true my parents did a horrible job how they raised their children. Though I am not sure whether I would do a better job. Gladly I am reflective enough to know that if you barely can manage your own life procreating is not a smart decision. So in case I procreated I would fear to be even worse than my parents.
In some relations I am similar to my parents. When I was young they influenced me a lot on politics. I have learned from them the aversion to drugs. And I still hold that position. This was probably the best thing they taught us. My mom is really eager. She abused me to become self-disciplined. She kind of succeeded. I am extremely self-disciplined. Though the side effects of that is that I am a mental wreck that only consists of pathologies like OCD behaviors and bipolar/psychotic elements. I am imprisoned in an agonizing hypervigilant torture chamber which can be called my consciousness.
I am very thin. But my sister also became obsessed by her weight. Maybe I sound arrogant. But I am way more intelligent and educated than them. Admittedly that is not difficult if you look at people who think abusing their children is a promising way to prepare them for the world. During my first psychosis my sister thought hitting me in the face would be a potential way to make me again thinking straight.
My sister is in a severe cognitive decline since her first/ especially second psychosis. It is really frightening that shit like that can happen. Honestly I think I am barely affected by that. I had way more issues concerning my mood and psychosomatic pain. So this is a clear difference between me and my relatives.
My mom and sister are aiming for hedonism in some sense. My dad I don't know he is very lazy and really stupid. My parents politicized me with talking about politics when we ate food together. It affected me in a very positive manner.
I am interested in philosphy which noone else in my family is interested in. I am kind of deep. At least this is what many people told me. I think my sister once was that too. But now she is one of the types who shares these embarassing platitudes of websites with pseudo-deep platitudes. Shit like mademyday.com I am not sure how widespread this website is in other countries. But it is pretty shitty.
I realize this thread is again way too long.
My parents like soccer. I lost more and more interest in that. My financial situation will be way worse than theirs.
I think I have presented many examples I could go on for hours but who wants to read that shit anyway.
There are some parallels between my relatives and me. My dad has OCD and depression too. But on many key elements we are quite diametrical.
Initially I wanted to elaborate on the implications of being different to your family. How it feels to be an outcast in your own family. This can probably be a huge impact on one's mental development. But as I said this thread is way too long already.
Are you an outcast in your own family?
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