Are there stages of suicidality?

[Deleted member 18655]

A few weeks ago I was crying at the drop of a hat throughout the day and had been that way for months. This afternoon I let myself think about the one issue guaranteed to make we sob and nothing happened. The issue hasn't changed at all but I think I've come to a point where my plan to ctb has changed everything. I've been getting less and less afraid of death and have been letting go of the idea of people in my life.

Is this something others experience the closer they get to ctb?

 

[Nymph]

I'm becoming more unemotional and apathetic the closer I get. Something good happens I don't feel anything, something bad happens-don't feel anything.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I think I'm entering a stage of melancholic resentment (made it up - sounds good). I'm looking around my apartment. I had to buy almost everything new in the place because I was moving back here to settle down in the city I thought I loved with the people I've longed for. I was going to set down roots for once. I had a clear plan that involved people and activities and being social and having people to care about, who care about me. I've cut every one of them off.

And everything I look at reminds of how things were supposed to be. How almost perfect they were before COVID, Things will never be the same. It's just a shame. It was going to be wonderful. It's such a shame.

 

[Ghost2211]

For me it seems like stages that can move backward and forward. The amount of desire to die as well as the fear element can be vastly different from week to week.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

For me it seems like stages that can move backward and forward. The amount of desire to die as well as the fear element can be vastly different from week to week.

This is odd to say: i'm happy for you. Since May in my apartment. Not working. Doing nothing of value and seeing no one. Every day is the same: I'm as low as I've ever been and there hasn't been any desire or will to live. And I'm working on the fear every day. I'm happy that you have variety in your life now. The stages are all moving in the same direction. With each stage I prepare and get stronger. It never goes forward. I'm okay with that now.

 

[ladolcemorte]

Yup. That is how I feel. I used to cry profusely due to stress. But then everything just went dark, and I cannot even tell you the last time I cried.

 

[Ghost2211]

This is odd to say: i'm happy for you. Since May in my apartment. Not working. Doing nothing of value and seeing no one. Every day is the same: I'm as low as I've ever been and there hasn't been any desire or will to live. And I'm working on the fear every day. I'm happy that you have variety in your life now. The stages are all moving in the same direction. With each stage I prepare and get stronger. It never goes forward. I'm okay with that now.

I'm sorry you feel so lonely. If you ever need a friend to talk to, or even just to listen feel free to reach out. You're valued and cared about.

 

[GonnaGoBye]

Maybe. I stopped expecting and giving expectations, placing my trust in people, and stop being also emotionally attached. I think this is my defensive mechanism or something but the part that I wanted to ctb and not caring too much at all is something refreshing for me.

 

[catsarecool]

For me before my suicide ideality would be very erratic and emotionally driven. It would be extremely intense but usually come in bursts that lasted a week or two at most and I would be crying my eyes out and just feeling like shit in general.

But now it's more like a neutral state of mind. Most of the time I accept it as a inevitable fact that I can't wait to happen while it also makes me a bit sad. I still occasionally cry about it once in a while but that's mostly because I'll be leaving a lot of dear people to me behind. I feel like it also helps me appreciate the good things in life.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I'm sorry you feel so lonely. If you ever need a friend to talk to, or even just to listen feel free to reach out. You're valued and cared about.

Oh, thank you! I'm truly touched by your words.
I don't feel lonely. Unfortunately I'm a introvert so being alone doesn't bother me. I was beginning to come out of my shekk and I was surrounded bt wonderful people. They still care for me. My family cares about me in their own way. I guess what I'm feelinf is neutral loneliness, not depressive loneliness. I've been low quite a bit in my life. This feels very very different.

I still occasionally cry about it once in a while but that's mostly because I'll be leaving a lot of dear people to me behind. I feel like it also helps me appreciate the good things in life.

This

 

[Sprite_Geist]

The 1st stage for me was when I turned 18-19. Suicide was a small thought in the back of my mind. I never actually "felt" suicidal and I didn't want to take my life, it was just a question that popped up every now and again. Over time, and as my life got unhappier, this question started to turn into a desire and at this point I did want to end my life; thought it was still infrequent. This was the 2nd stage. Now I am in the 3rd stage were I get those dark thoughts all of the time, and it's made worse if I have a bad day - dealing with rude people, feeling isolated, etc.