are there any ctb victims you find comfort in?

[ctbcat]

for me there's a lot, which might pull in to question some naivete, or delusion, or something, but i'm not, i'd like to think at least. i don't believe my attachment to these people is anything more than onesided, that i'm any more special than some other crazed superfan who also misses them, etc. it's a factor in my catching of the bus, but not the biggest, and... i've always been surrounded by death, i suppose - my grandparents died when i was young enough to process it but not old enough that anyone could relate and it fucked me up a little - so death maybe doesn't do for me what it does for others (as in, the sorrow)

not every suicide victim i find attachment/comfort in is remembered as a good person. which i guess you could call me abhorrent for, and i won't fight it. but... yeah. there's just so many dead people i love.

i have to clarify i have to use the vocab of 'ctb victim' because there's no other term i know of that encompasses them, but i don't necessarily believe all of them to be victims.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

yessss. this John Doe's suicide note sucker punches me in the sternum every time i read it, always resonates so hard & so deeply (except for the loving parents part, lol). he perfectly verbalized what i've never been able to.

John Doe Note

 

[FuneralCry]

I envy anyone who managed to ctb, they are the true fortunate ones and were very courageous to me. I see suicide as self care rather than something to become a "victim" from, to me suicide is unnecessary suffering prevention and the way to find safety from suffering in an existence that was very much undesirable in the first place, I only see non-existence as ideal as it's the permanent absence of harm and torment.

 

[divinemistress36]

Chester Bennington

 

[restless.dreams]

Sylvia Plath and Robin Williams come to mind.

 

[bluebird16]

Nick Drake. Chester Bennington.

 

[Aim]

Hehe!!, Loves this question :D I think i would have to say Chris Cornell. <3 What an loveable and cool guy <3

 

[VidFlumina]

User of this site LetzteAusfahrt, who committed suicide in October 2020. I sometimes read his posts because his laid back attitude towards death brings me some kind of solace.

Example:

Don't be afraid of death

From an atheist's point of view I am asked again and again why I have such a relaxed relationship with death, why I will intentionally take SN without medication in order to remain conscious as long as possible and experience my dying with a clear mind. Why I am not afraid of it and am really...

sanctioned-suicide.net

"I see my dying as something beautiful that I can unfortunately only experience once. The thought of it makes me happy, so I want to be able to enjoy the process." Every time I read it I feel like it changes my brain.

 

[mortuarymary]

Robin Williams.
Chris Cornell
Marilyn Monroe (was it murder)

i doubt Bruce Willis won't be far off, horrible disease hes got.

 

[mortuarymary]

yessss. this John Doe's suicide note sucker punches me in the sternum every time i read it, always resonates so hard & so deeply (except for the loving parents part, lol). he perfectly verbalized what i've never been able to.

John Doe Note

Just read it. Tears xxxxx

 

[astonishedturnip]

Chantal Akerman. One of my favorite directors and who CTB shortly after her mother's death due to an inability to cope with the loss. I sympathize since I'm not going to be able to survive my own mother's (or father's) death.

Christine Chubbuck. I first read about her when I was a teenager and I had a feeling I'd turn out just like her. Surprise surprise, here I am, a dateless, largely friendless virgin pushing 30 who men find "off-putting," who wanted nothing more than a husband and children, living at home, considering death by GSW.

 

[Arvid Schopentar]

Socrates and Jesus

 

[wastingpotential]

sylvia plath & kurt cobain

 

[Gonnerr]

Gene Sprague, the guy in my picture frame. Would have love to jump with him.

Chester bennington , i relate to his song. Ive been hurting since childhood and im crashing right now.

 

[sunnysidedown]

sylvia plath & kurt cobain

Yesss, I love that you mentioned Sylvia Plath!! Her last poem always strikes a chord in me. Kurt's suicide note also made me tear up…

 

[bettertosleep]

Pelle Ohlin, i don't really like Mayhem anymore but i relate to the lyrics of "Life Eternal" so much

 

[piryohae3]

I take comfort in the fact that there are so many others that have already CTB. Last year over 50,000 people killed themselves in the US alone. Over 700,000 people killed themselves worldwide last year. So many others are miserable just like me. Whatever their circumstances are, it drove them to CTB. I'm not alone in this feeling. So many other people did it and I can too.

 

[FutureHanger]

yessss. this John Doe's suicide note sucker punches me in the sternum every time i read it, always resonates so hard & so deeply (except for the loving parents part, lol). he perfectly verbalized what i've never been able to.

John Doe Note

cool, I wonder how you found this? Just wondering as I'd now like to read more suicide notes out of curiosity

I take comfort in the fact that there are so many others that have already CTB. Last year over 50,000 people killed themselves in the US alone. Over 700,000 people killed themselves worldwide last year. So many others are miserable just like me. Whatever their circumstances are, it drove them to CTB. I'm not alone in this feeling. So many other people did it and I can too.

I get so scared of SI, but knowing every day thousands manage to overcome it gives me hope that I may be able to beat it too.

 

[Meteora]

The 27 Club although I m much older now and at the moment a German guy who between age 16 and 23 was diagnosed with cancer three times.

The second and third time he refused to do anything that would help against cancer (chemo, diet etc). On his chest there was a huge tumor growing... very disgusting thing.
He accepted his fate.... found peace with death. Very impressive attitude, he left behind his twin brother to whom he had a very deep connection and his parents and lots of friends. Its not really suicide but in some ways it still was. I liked his approach to death.

 

[computersrfun]

Chiyomi Hashiguchi, aka Nekojiru. I relate with her and her work so heavily, feeling like some weird alien creature who doesn't fit in with this world. She hung herself like I will. Also, we both love Aphex Twin, lol.

I think about her often and the impact her work has had on me. I wanted a Nyatta tattoo next to my Aphex Twin one before I passed, but I think my time coming soon won't allow for that.

 

[PixelPlant]

Billy Watts(djkillbill313) seemed like such a nice guy.
now, his quote serves as my subtitle.

 

[isthisit?]

Terry Davis. His life was incredible but sad

 

[thegoldengirls]

Conrad Henry. The teenager in the US who ctb via carbon monoxide. I found his method so tangible for myself, so much so I even purchased a generator.
I would study all the articles, they even posted pictures of the scene and the equipment he used, how long it took for him to ctb,etc.
But I chickened out with that method because I feared that I will just suffer long term effects instead of ctb.
He seemed like a nice young fellow too, had depression, anxiety.
His suicide was controversial because of his girlfriend at the time.

 

[Malaria]

Ian Curtis, Elliot Smith, Nick Drake

 

[bridgegirl]

yessss. this John Doe's suicide note sucker punches me in the sternum every time i read it, always resonates so hard & so deeply (except for the loving parents part, lol). he perfectly verbalized what i've never been able to.

John Doe Note

"I didn't tell jokes - I was a joke."

Guess this is why no one ever laughs at my jokes. Explains a lot.
I feel a connection to the people who have died at the spot where I want to die. It is a certain type of comfort - knowing I'm not alone. Knowing this place has had, in some way, a pull. I like knowing their names and their stories.

Someone above said Gene Sprague - different spot than mine, but I've always really felt for Gene as well.