"Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else."
David Foster Wallace
I currently read a book of him. But not with this quote. I am curious what the replies will be. Personally I could imagine in a suicide forum: I despise myself so much that my self-hatred is next level shit. I feel so much as a failure that I don't think anyone else is that bad or stupid.
Maybe these are some thoughts of a depressed person. Though you are not alone with that. This at least a lesson this forum taught me. I hate me and my life. But at least I am not alone with that.
Yesterday I had a discussion with a friend about individualism and capitalism. He said something like the mixture of his personal preferences is sort of unique if we combine all of them. I was not sure and said something like this might be an individualism trap. We often define us by things we buy. Capitalism teaches us to be an individual and to express us with the things we buy. However in the end we define us by what we purchase (we talked about style and outer appearance). And expressing us over our outer appearance is rather sheep like/ herd mentality and a contrast to deep individualism.
I also added that maybe the extent of free will is an illusion. We feel like we would be free to make decisions. Though the environment we grow up and live in determines a lot of our behaviors. The money we have also restricts the options we have. There are hidden compulsions we are often not always aware. Also on a psychological and physiological level.
By the way the conversation was between me and mybest friend. I think my family envies how much I show love for him. Well he did not ruin my life you morons. And when I can be transparent about my suffering and suicidality it is easier for me to joke with my friends. I had some longer threads on my mind but I need sleep. The points I mentioned are probably only scratches on the surface. Sadly we don't do lengthy debates that often anymore. My friends lost their interest in that. But since I became a lefty we have less differences anyway.
I agree with my friend. If I combine all my idiosyncracies I am sort of unique. Though my psychological needs are pretty similar to the rest of the world in most aspects. I have severe painful mental conditions but I am not alone with that. As DFW said I think it might be an irrational thought that one think I might be unique. DFW was scared that something was falsely wired in his head that works in other people. Personally I doubt have that feeling for me. My inadequacies fit pretty much many losers on the planet who hate themselves, who die a thousand deaths of loneliness daily and that wish that anything hopefully kills them in their sleep.
Off-topic:
There was a person in this forum that made me think. So many of us want to die. And then this young woman who loved life died so quickly. This is so cynical. I am ambivalent whether I am an agnostic. But if there is an almighty God that controls my life it seems like he,she or it wants to drive me to commit suicide. The physics noble prize winner is catholic and believes in God. I watched some interviews. Some physics believe in God which scares me because I am impressed as hell by their skills. Their logic does not seem to be that unreasonable. My religion teacher advocated like the believe in God is like placebo. Believing in him can't do damage. Well when I was suicidal my somewhat religious education let me suffer more. I was so anxious about hell. When I became atheist nothingness could comfort me. So yes it was sort of the noncebo effect. If God determines our lives he cannot be such a good guy when I read torture or rapes stories all over the world. Maybe he is allmighty and does not interact with the world. Maybe he wants to punish me. However this is a pathological thought of depression. I think this is why many modern people question God. They feel like the desire for a higher being is ingrained in most people. Though this is exactly why they become sceptical. Then some of them search for other higher things to believe in. The mammon God of money or spiritual things likle esotericism.
Some become nihilists which canj be a poison too. Maybe I should have focused more on the main topic. But I like my rambling because I can talk about the things which I currently ruminate about. However I have so much things in my mind at least today that it becomes hard to filter them.
David Foster Wallace
I currently read a book of him. But not with this quote. I am curious what the replies will be. Personally I could imagine in a suicide forum: I despise myself so much that my self-hatred is next level shit. I feel so much as a failure that I don't think anyone else is that bad or stupid.
Maybe these are some thoughts of a depressed person. Though you are not alone with that. This at least a lesson this forum taught me. I hate me and my life. But at least I am not alone with that.
Yesterday I had a discussion with a friend about individualism and capitalism. He said something like the mixture of his personal preferences is sort of unique if we combine all of them. I was not sure and said something like this might be an individualism trap. We often define us by things we buy. Capitalism teaches us to be an individual and to express us with the things we buy. However in the end we define us by what we purchase (we talked about style and outer appearance). And expressing us over our outer appearance is rather sheep like/ herd mentality and a contrast to deep individualism.
I also added that maybe the extent of free will is an illusion. We feel like we would be free to make decisions. Though the environment we grow up and live in determines a lot of our behaviors. The money we have also restricts the options we have. There are hidden compulsions we are often not always aware. Also on a psychological and physiological level.
By the way the conversation was between me and mybest friend. I think my family envies how much I show love for him. Well he did not ruin my life you morons. And when I can be transparent about my suffering and suicidality it is easier for me to joke with my friends. I had some longer threads on my mind but I need sleep. The points I mentioned are probably only scratches on the surface. Sadly we don't do lengthy debates that often anymore. My friends lost their interest in that. But since I became a lefty we have less differences anyway.
I agree with my friend. If I combine all my idiosyncracies I am sort of unique. Though my psychological needs are pretty similar to the rest of the world in most aspects. I have severe painful mental conditions but I am not alone with that. As DFW said I think it might be an irrational thought that one think I might be unique. DFW was scared that something was falsely wired in his head that works in other people. Personally I doubt have that feeling for me. My inadequacies fit pretty much many losers on the planet who hate themselves, who die a thousand deaths of loneliness daily and that wish that anything hopefully kills them in their sleep.
Off-topic:
There was a person in this forum that made me think. So many of us want to die. And then this young woman who loved life died so quickly. This is so cynical. I am ambivalent whether I am an agnostic. But if there is an almighty God that controls my life it seems like he,she or it wants to drive me to commit suicide. The physics noble prize winner is catholic and believes in God. I watched some interviews. Some physics believe in God which scares me because I am impressed as hell by their skills. Their logic does not seem to be that unreasonable. My religion teacher advocated like the believe in God is like placebo. Believing in him can't do damage. Well when I was suicidal my somewhat religious education let me suffer more. I was so anxious about hell. When I became atheist nothingness could comfort me. So yes it was sort of the noncebo effect. If God determines our lives he cannot be such a good guy when I read torture or rapes stories all over the world. Maybe he is allmighty and does not interact with the world. Maybe he wants to punish me. However this is a pathological thought of depression. I think this is why many modern people question God. They feel like the desire for a higher being is ingrained in most people. Though this is exactly why they become sceptical. Then some of them search for other higher things to believe in. The mammon God of money or spiritual things likle esotericism.
Some become nihilists which canj be a poison too. Maybe I should have focused more on the main topic. But I like my rambling because I can talk about the things which I currently ruminate about. However I have so much things in my mind at least today that it becomes hard to filter them.
