Are people going to take real meaning out of your notes?

[piger]

I've been drafting notes on and off over the past year or so, but recently I've looked more into manifestos and notes of mass shooters, domestic terrorists, along with others who CTB. No matter how much content they leave or how extreme it is, their message and point of view are just completely undermined by everyone. For fucks sake not even Ted was taken seriously. At the end of the day it's all just perceived as the mysterious ramblings of someone who failed in society or wasn't treated well and was mentally ill (please get help if you are suicidal guys this is so serious!!!! So tragic!!!). Granted, I think that people tend to be curious about someone who was mysterious or did something tragic or evil, but they turn those people into a fetishization from who they actually were.

I wanted to try making an impact on my general manifesto with a message written with confusing bullshit but nobody is really going to care will they. I'm starting to think not even private notes are going to be read well enough except "Oh no he died but why!!!", "I didn't think he was actually going to do it!!", or "This person must have been very angry im feel sorry for him...". Nobody even understands me in the first place or wants to deal with me anymore. Would they truly understand why I CTB after explaining properly to them, or what thanks and grievances I give?

What do you guys think? Are people going to care about what you say?

 

[Treeline589]

I don't think people will care. For the longest time I considered writing notes but at this point I feel it's useless

 

[sadnessnsuicide]

I've been drafting notes on and off over the past year or so, but recently I've looked more into manifestos and notes of mass shooters, domestic terrorists, along with others who CTB. No matter how much content they leave or how extreme it is, their message and point of view are just completely undermined by everyone. For fucks sake not even Ted was taken seriously. At the end of the day it's all just perceived as the mysterious ramblings of someone who failed in society or wasn't treated well and was mentally ill (please get help if you are suicidal guys this is so serious!!!! So tragic!!!). Granted, I think that people tend to be curious about someone who was mysterious or did something tragic or evil, but they turn those people into a fetishization from who they actually were.

I wanted to try making an impact on my general manifesto with a message written with confusing bullshit but nobody is really going to care will they. I'm starting to think not even private notes are going to be read well enough except "Oh no he died but why!!!", "I didn't think he was actually going to do it!!", or "This person must have been very angry im feel sorry for him...". Nobody even understands me in the first place or wants to deal with me anymore. Would they truly understand why I CTB after explaining properly to them, or what thanks and grievances I give?

What do you guys think? Are people going to care about what you say?

Super interesting post. I also have fluctuated between the ideas of leaving a note for everyone who matters to me, to leave a note to one person, to now thinking that any note I write will be quickly forgotten or misunderstood.

My biggest issue is that when I finally sit down to write my notes, I never know what to say. It's not like I have any final or grand revelations to make, everyone already knows I'm suicidal and everyone knows my life story because I share it so liberally. I want to write something meaningful, like you said, but the words just don't come to me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't particularly care, which is why I am making my note as repetitive and frustrating to read as possible. To make the terms clearer I'm also working on sketching comics that might hopefully visually depict exactly why it is I need to be dead. If that fails, then there's not much else I can do to get people to understand how I feel whether or not I'm living or dead.

 

[Klo]

I don't think people care. Reading manifestos of mass murderers used to be part of my job and we were just analyzing for certain influences such as known sources of disinformation or white supremacist ideology. I don't know how much of the public even reads that kind of stuff but if they did most people would not understand it. As far as personal notes I used to think they were important but I've changed my mind. If you want people to know how much they've hurt you that seems kind of vindictive once you ctb. If they have any conscience they will already feel bad. For a while I thought I should write out my social and political theory but that seems pretentious now. If my ideas mattered I should live and test them. Once you are gone nothing in this world will matter to you anymore and the idea that it will now is ego driven

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, it does not really matter how others react after my death as I will not exist at that point. However I would write a note to try and give those left behind some closure, but it is unlikely that they would ever fully understand.

 

[AloneInCollege]

I've been writing a note/my will recently. I do think it's important because you can get your final words out there, ones that can't be argued with, and have a certain closure with yourself by saying what you want to maybe things you couldn't have before. But I have also been thinking that people don't actually listen to me now so they wont after I die either. So I feel like the note is more for me than anything.

 

[whitefeather]

Thankyou all for sharing this evolutionary conversation

 

[Hate you]

There's no point in leaving behind a note when it's going to be given some false sympathy and then left to be ignored forever.

 

[its-about-time]

I want people to understand my perspective. They don't in life, they just push me to "try harder" "wait it out" "find something that makes life worth living" etc. My hopes in a note is that they would realize how serious I was and stop and actually try to see my perspective. But I don't really think it would happen. So my note is focused just on saying how much I appreciate their efforts to help me and apologizing for not being capable and for hurting them.

 

[nembutal]

this makes me so sad