Venting Are my reasons valid to ctb or am I just an egotistical cunt?

[Confined_Soul]

Like.... I feel all the time that I'm faking everything for attention and that I dont really have any issues.
It doesn't makes sense, but I cant help but believe that.

My Reasons? let's see...
- My mom has had to deal with all of my bullshit for year and I think I'm giving her depression and turning her into an alcoholic.
- Father completely out of the picture, recently got in touch again, he doesn't give a shit
- I can't hold a Job for more than a few months
- I've never been in love... just casually random sex that I never enjoy
- I starve myself for weeks, then have a binge, then starve again, over and over
- My body is completely covered in Self harm scars and I'm disgusted by it
- I've been diagnosed with BPD, Depression, and anxiety, and I just can't deal with it
- I'll probably have to be in therapy/meds for the rest of my life
- I don't really have any motivation to do anything in life, like I don't see a future for me
- All of my past friends have moved on, married or out of the country, I'm the only fucked one
- they had to send away my little sister to live with her father (same mother, different father) because of me...

And I could go on, but you get the idea.... I've never been like molested or abused, had a pretty normal childhood and I'm sure there are millions who have it worse than I do and have never considered ctb, so why do I have to be suicidal all the fucking time?
My mom just tells me to be mindfulness, to distract myself, that I need to do my part if I want to be cured, tha I'm not even trying and just making excuses and so on.

I can't deal with this anymore.

I have a attempted multiple times before but now I know how to properly do it and I am gonna do it.
Maybe I'll be remembered as the egoistical cunt, but I'll be free from all of that so Idgaf.

 

[DreamCatcher]

Sounds like you have a lot of difficult things to work through if you want to survive. Just depends on if you find life worthwhile and if you think there is any real hope for it improving.

"There are millions who have it worse than I do" Is not a valid reason, because anyone suffering deserves peace and we aren't comparing tragedies here. Your happiness is what matters.

Nobody is going to blame you or judge you for leaving early, and if they do they're wrong. There isn't a god to smite you or a jury to convict you for wanting peace. Your reasons are your own and it's always your choice.

I would hope that everyone would find happiness in this life, but I know that's a fairy tale. Find your own peace however you can.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

I don't think there are good or bad reasons. I refuse to judge the others' reasons. Just don't rush and take time to speak here, where listening to you. Don't feel egoistic because you want to die.

 

[cryptic_cynic]

Everyone is an egotistical cunt in their own way.

 

[Black_Knight]

Nobody knows what it's like to be you as well as you do, so you are the best authority on the matter.

 

[Funkbunny]

As daft as it may sound, I believe everything is relative. You're reasons are yours alone and I will never walk in your shoes.

 

[not_a_robot]

If your reasons are valid to you, then they are valid.

 

[Confined_Soul]

Thank you all for your answers
it really made me feel much better
thank you for real, this site it's a huge support, you're all so kind, thank you.

 

[HGL91]

Thank you all for your answers
it really made me feel much better
thank you for real, this site it's a huge support, you're all so kind, thank you.

Glad you feel supported! And there are people on here that are regulars, so you don't have to worry about telling someone something and then being supportive to your face, only to ignore you after and never talk to you again! ^_^ (That's what happens to me in real life). You can continue to chat with people about it like a real friendship.