Are many white men not aware of their privileges?

[noname223]

I have two friends at college. One is extremely friendly and wants to help other people. But the other guy is also very friendly but I think he suffers from different types of negative behaviors. He is extremely intelligent and I think his life was very easy for him so far. I think he is kind of lazy but still gets very good grades because of his intelligence. When I opened up to him about depression he was kind of smug. He claimed he knew depression though this did not sound like a clinical one. I think he considered me just lazy when I described my issues. Well I think laziness is certainly not one of my issues.

I had the feeling he was not really aware about his privileges. He comes from a wealthy family, had a good education and his biography sounded pretty healthy. I am not sure about his thought process on this topic. But I think many men turn into a defense position when they hear that topic. As if someone wanted to attack them and wanted to undermine their position. I think my dad has this position. Maybe I should add I am also a white man in my mid-twenties. Though I experienced a lot of discrimination because of my mental illness and maybe because of my suicidality. Besides from the moral aspect I am not sure what would be the strategical best position for me. (if we assumed I wanted maximize my own well-being primarily). I think I had to insist on inclusion andd supporting minorites. I am a mental wreck and I heavily rely on the help of others. I think also men with my demographics have a lot of issues and insecurities. At least when I see dating platforms I have the feeling it is easier for women to have success there.

However there are many aspects where my sex and gender privileges me. For example sometimes I am when it is dark at the train station. I don't really have to be scared someone could assault me. Or I could get sexually assaulted. There is the off-chance but women have to be way more careful. I have talked to a lot of women. And so many of them said to me they were sexually assaulted or molested in the past. I think men are often not aware how it is to live with such a sorrow. At least not where I live. When we take Ukraine sexual assaults are used as weapons on any person no matter their age, sex or gender. I think for men it is easier to have a good career. Many women do a lot of carework for which they barely receive credit.

One could argument concerning war men have the worse position and this might be true. Though I live in a rich Western country where it is voluntary to join the army. I think in academia it is easier to be taken serious as a man. There is a huge gender pay gap. Men's sports are often seen as superior to women competitions. It is easier to join the highest elite circles if you are a man. I think a reason for that is: many men support each other in cliques and it is more difficult for women to fight through.

I have not thought through this topic so far. These are just some ideas. Feel free to insult critcize me.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Privilege is kind of a loaded word, and I don't think it holds up very well when applied to many real-world scenarios. For instance, I am a white male but live in a black majority area, where many establishment owners and police officers are black. I don't feel all that privileged walking down the street every day, but that would clearly be different if I lived in, I don't know, Beverly Hills. So I think context matters to at least some degree.

As for the gender pay gap, no doubt there is one, but I think some of the numbers that are thrown about are somewhat overblown. With that said, it should be illegal to pay differently based on gender, race, etc.

I do feel lucky that I'm not physically vulnerable though, I'm with you on that one. I feel terrible for anyone who has to fear for their safety.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Well, idk what privilage I am suppose to get, but my life doesn't feel too good, so maybe I am exempt from this privilage? Personally, I would rather have beautiful woman (pretty) privilage than whatever this white male privilage is. I definitely don't see my life being worth living, even being white male.

 

[GlassAlwaysEmpty]

I don't feel privileged at all. Men are treated like shit by society.

I'm expected to be strong and to provide and if I don't I'm worthless. I'm not expected to show emotion and if I do I'm told to man up.

There's a reason male suicide rates are higher than female suicide.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm white, male, and in the US if that makes a difference. I'd like to know, exactly, what privilege I'm supposed to have had? It must have passed me over somehow or another.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think anyone really enjoys being told they are 'lucky' or privelaged- or- have things easy- unless they are in that frame of mind already- to be humble and grateful. I think many people are struggling- no matter what their gender/race. On an individual level, I think people do tend to feel like ther own efforts and achievements are being undermined when it's pointed out that they had an advantage to begin with.

I think this is especially true when it comes to mental 'handicaps'. I have crippling self doubt and social anxiety. I suppose I have kind of assumed that many of the people I have worked with don't have to battle this. Yet- when I've talked to them- it's become clear that they DO struggle with things also. I guess we never really know what a person has to deal with. We'll never know what it's like to live inside another person's body with their mind. Plus, some people may well have things that haven't been officially diagnosed. It doesn't mean they're not struggling- it just means they haven't got help.

That said, there definitely are inequalities in this world. I'm not so sure people always take it for granted though. The most successful white men I have come across in life have actually been pretty grateful for their lot. I've actually found that some really successful people in life tend to be genuinely grateful, nice and supportive of others- maybe because they've 'made it' type thing- so they can relax and reflect to a degree- rather than having to keep fighting to succeed.

 

[leloyon]

The factors you mentioned about him coming from a wealthy family and living a good life sounds more like his privilege than his race and gender.
It's always wealth first. It's always class first.

 

[Someone123]

Plenty of white men and white boys, teenage or even younger, have done ctb because their lives well horrible since they were born, due to terrible abuse, etc. So it is case by case, and people should not assume that a person has "privilege" based on race. In many cases there are likely advantages based on race, but in many there are not- people should not assume that an individual has benefited from any privilege based on race.

 

[Georg]

Just look at the suicide rates (men vs women) in EVERY country in this world and you will see who is privileged. Men privileges don't exist unless you are in the top 20% regarding looks and money. When ppl talk about men privileges they only talk about top 20%. Just like you did, lol

 

[Zegers]

I don't think anyone really enjoys being told they are 'lucky' or privelaged- or- have things easy- unless they are in that frame of mind already- to be humble and grateful.

People love to brag about their physique, background, etc. Maybe the most humble people are the ones you mention, but people love to brag in general.

I see dating platforms I have the feeling it is easier for women to have success there.

The feeling is right and anyone who comes from a good background is lucky, no matter what their race.

 

[chloramine]

I think part of the problem is that privilege has been framed as getting something extra when it's actually having fewer barriers. So everyone will have their individual struggles and problems, but if you're say black then there will be additional barriers regardless of personal situations. One of the ways that I've heard it explained is that if everyone is running a race then certain factors will mean you have a longer way to run. If you're a woman, not white, lgbtq+, grew up in poverty, have health issues, etc each of those things put you further back from the starting line.

 

[Someone123]

The feeling is right and anyone who comes from a good background is lucky, no matter what their race.

How can you tell if a person has a good background? Someone who is in a financially good situation and whose parnets seem nice to them in public might be going through total hell behind the scenes, this happens all the time, and they put on a smiley face because society pressures them to do so. There is no way to know if a person is "privileged" unless you walk in their shoes- many rich parenst torture their kids from the moment thehy are born, and no one outside the ho9use sees it, and the kids have no idea who to ask for help or how to ask for help, and they get wrecked inside and spend their whole lives trying to fix it (until they ctb, often young). YOu should never assume that someone is "privleged" from what you see on the outside.

if you're say black then there will be additional barriers regardless of personal situations.

That is not the case- it all depends on the family you have growing up. I've known of plenty of white kids who ctb young who had much worse lives than 99% of people of any race. People should stop assuming that a person has advantges based on their race when their are so many other fcators that affect their life. Did Lebron James's kids have extreme privilege? Of course. And there are many other black people who come from backgrounds of extreme privilege. and many white kids who ctb before they even become adults due to abuse. People should stop assuming privilege based on race, though it does apply in some situations, in many others it does not.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

How can you tell if a person has a good background? Someone who is in a financially good situation and whose parnets seem nice to them in public might be going through total hell behind the scenes, this happens all the time, and they put on a smiley face because society pressures them to do so. There is no way to know if a person is "privileged" unless you walk in their shoes- many rich parenst torture their kids from the moment thehy are born, and no one outside the ho9use sees it, and the kids have no idea who to ask for help or how to ask for help, and they get wrecked inside and spend their whole lives trying to fix it (until they ctb, often young). YOu should never assume that someone is "privleged" from what you see on the outside.

We can only judge based on the evidence that is provided. Also, privileged means having advantages that others do not. If they are in a financially good situation, then they are privileged compared to someone who can barely make ends meet. Being in a financially good situation is not exclusive to being white or male. Any sex and any race can be good financially.

You say that many rich parents torture their kids from the minute they are born. That also happens with poor people, too. Some parents take out their financial struggles on their children, and each other.

It is quite funny you mention that we shouldn't assume someone is privileged based on what you see on the outside, yet you referred to some people as privlleged based on their sex and race (as per your title), which is something you see and notice on the outside.....

 

[unplug]

The only white men who are privileged are the ones you see on TV. It's not even about gender, both can be, mostly money and looks, then you're privileged.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

The only white men who are privileged are the ones you see on TV. It's not even about gender, both can be, mostly money and looks, then you're privileged.

Not even race either. There are people whom aren't white that are privileged. Heck, I even consider big streamers and Youtubers privileged, and not all are white either.

 

[unplug]

Not even race either. There are people whom aren't white that are privileged. Heck, I even consider big streamers and Youtubers privileged, and not all are white either.

Yeah, true.

 

[Zegers]

How can you tell if a person has a good background?

A good background is not only economic, it's having health and a good family in general terms.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I like how the OP neglects to return to this thread to defend their points that we refuted :|

 

[noname223]

I like how the OP neglects to return to this thread to defend their points that we refuted :|

As long as you like it I think my behavior is okay. I read some replies and liked some of them. I am not sure about my own position. I found some replies (the ones I liked) pretty good. I am not defending my position because I am not that determined whether it was nuanced enough in the first place. Sometimes I like to post thought provoking/contrarian threads for the sake of thought provocation.

 

[Daft-Bear]

Unfortunately, the world revolves around ourselves metaphorically. We don't experience what the other sex experiences because we aren't them. That being said, everyone here wants to kill themselves. Men kill themselves at about 4x the frequency so…unless you are a successful, attractive white male, idk about that privilege… that being said there are a lot of successful white men who also kill themselves.

Here's the thing. If you met me you'd say I'd probably have privilege. I've been emotionally manipulated by most of the women in my life, and been cheated on by at least 3. I suffer in silence because whenever I've tried to express my hurt, I get told to suck it up and to more or less be thankful for my privelage (as though that would bring me some solace). It just makes more more suicidal if I'm at an "advantage" and still failing at life, relationships, and mental health.

It's not a mystery to me why most school shooters are white men. They're told they're privileged, they suffer in silence, and when they ask for help they're told to solve their own problems. But they need help and guidance. Psychology tends to me female centric and rarely addresses the problems men face, so if they get the luxury of therapy, there's a good chance it won't help anything because men and women fundamentally struggle with different things.

I also want to point out that I dont think women are the problem, despite my experience suggesting that they would be. I think men or women, you have the capacity to be a shitty person. Separating it by sex just serves to isolate you from others and segregate in ways that simply detrimental to no one but yourself. We are just people, we are more alike than we are different.

Idk if that's helpful. Just some rambling thoughts.