Discussion Are long-term relationships fun or ultimately just annoying?

[BluesRunTheGame]

I don't know, I've never had one. I'm a dumb romantic at heart but also something of a non-conformist lone wolf and cynic and I see so many long-term relationships just conforming to the idea of what a couple should be in society, with plenty of resentments kept quiet or nagging spoken aloud. I've got a feeling the closer you get (i.e. literally, through living together or even marriage) the more you'll just end up resenting. Living apart would be my ideal, I reckon, but it's just not really 'done', long-term.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Depends on each person involved. Some are cut out for it, some aren't. Sometimes one person is and the other isn't, sometimes both are, and sometimes neither are. I imagine a lot of the "happy couples" you see are only like that in the public eye and trouble could be brewing in paradise unbeknownst to anyone including maybe even themselves. That said, I think there are also plenty of genuinely happy couples and for them it's not just fun, but also enriching in so many ways that can't be explained to those who aren't experiencing it themselves...

 

[SueySide]

It's disappointing when you're a romantic, but that goes with many other things in life. From my own experience, I feel like it's better when you don't know 'everything' about someone, because eventually you either get used to them, and everything goes flat and stagnant, or you absolutely resent them from years of little ticks. Ultimately long term relationships don't just thrive on love, but more so on responsibility and commitment, and a lot of determination.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Fun for a short while and then it becomes a burden, like the beginning of any addiction. In this modern world we can with statistical certainty count on a future breakup when we start dating someone, I'd say it's retarded and that everyone just pretends to like it (and that goes for all romantic relationships and even friendships).

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Living apart would be my ideal, I reckon, but it's just not really 'done', long-term.

Idk, would you say 5 years is long-term? That was my first relationship, we never moved in together, because we simply couldn't afford to move out of our parent's places, even by adding our salaries together (embarrassing...). So I guess it is possible.

I've got a feeling the closer you get (i.e. literally, through living together or even marriage) the more you'll just end up resenting.

You're kind of right, although it doesn't necessary has to be *really* bad. It's just that we're all different and ultimately every other person will have their own traits, quirks etc. that will rub you the wrong way, and the more time you two are spending together the more these traits will upset/annoy/unnerve you. When people are dating, especially when they are in love/in lust/infatuated with each other, they are trying to be their best selves whenever they're together. However, it is impossible to remain your best self 24/7. A person that lives with you will be in a bad mood, tired, sick etc. and you'll have to learn to live with it.
However, it is possible to find a person that isn't going to really rub you the wrong way and live with them comfortably, with little to no conflict or resentment. You just have to have realistic expectations and realize it's not going to be like a non-stop 24/7 romantic date. You don't have to conform to what is expected by society, you just have to be honest about your own expectations, listen to the other persons, and see if there can be a compromise you both are going to be comfortable with.

 

[Sherri]

Well mine I dunno if it's considered a long one cause it's just 5 months. But I dont think it's annoying. Quiet the opposite.

 

[TessB]

I've been married 3 times and the first 2 were horrible.. one of them was 10 years and only the first year was fun and exciting, followed by 9 years of absolute hell.. but it was like we were trapped in that situation there was no way out.
I've been with my husband now coming up to 10 years again.. and I can honestly say we have so much fun, the only stress is the effect my mental health has on our lives. But sometimes I wonder if having bpd means you are both absolute hell and massively exciting to be in a relationship with? And he's the opposite like a quiet sensible business man so we spark off one another.

 

[TriggerHappy]

I've been married 3 times and the first 2 were horrible.. one of them was 10 years and only the first year was fun and exciting, followed by 9 years of absolute hell.. but it was like we were trapped in that situation there was no way out.
I've been with my husband now coming up to 10 years again.. and I can honestly say we have so much fun, the only stress is the effect my mental health has on our lives. But sometimes I wonder if having bpd means you are both absolute hell and massively exciting to be in a relationship with? And he's the opposite like a quiet sensible business man so we spark off one another.

wow :: what experience you have! hard won wisdom yeah?! also had a couple of long-term 'relationships' they're in no way conventional so really hard to label... i'm really romantic at heart so i give everything - MDMA RaveBaby confessions :: (holding back is a bit manipulative & cowardly i often feel) - my relationships implode around the five / mostly seven year mark :: it get's difficult being involved with someone bipolar (I could never kick them out no matter how i got tortured) it's like my struggle with addiction :: there's nothing wilder than being with someone that knows you; knows how to navigate your universe (& is willing to journey it with you & you with them...)
but when it falls apart it gets hectic - sometimes awful :: been emotionally ripped apart & bashed with a hammer (literally) so often I tell myself it's not worth it > too much pain / everything moves towards it's end anyway (Nick Cave) /


for you youngsters out there :: live fully - i know it sounds trite - but do your best to within whatever life limitations you have :: life is short & sickening money is meaningless family are tricky but sacred teachers sex and poetry are sublime if you have someone worthy to share it with.
when they are gone / or the opportunity is wasted - memories are beautiful but more bitter than sweet.

it's about acceptance and respect and patience. and like n.a say: honesty open-mindedness and willingness (easy to contemplate; difficult to work through!) own your shit stuff your shame your ugly your insecurity - if they still like you; and celebrate your weakness as your strengths - then they're worth it.
(if they don't charge them by the hour...for your weirdness, yeah!). XM!GS

 

[WornOutLife]

My problem with long-term relationships is that I always end up getting bored because I feel like I was in a prison.
The longest I've dated a girl was for 3 years and damn, I don't think I could ever do that again lol.

There were great moments but getting out of the "routine zone" when you don't have that much money is very difficult. I mention the money because you can do lots of stuff with it, such as travelling all over the world, having a cruise, etc. That doesn't mean you'll have a happy relationship for ever, though.

I guess I feel more comfortable with short-term stuff because of my bipolar disorder and also, I find short relationships much more fun. It's as if I could deal with them in a better way because the passion and love spark is always there.

Now, I would like to be in a serious relationship again and last as long as possible but the thing is I'm way too mentally unstable and I don't feel ready yet.

 

[NumbItAll]

I don't know, I've never had one. I'm a dumb romantic at heart but also something of a non-conformist lone wolf and cynic and I see so many long-term relationships just conforming to the idea of what a couple should be in society, with plenty of resentments kept quiet or nagging spoken aloud. I've got a feeling the closer you get (i.e. literally, through living together or even marriage) the more you'll just end up resenting. Living apart would be my ideal, I reckon, but it's just not really 'done', long-term.

I completely agree, I hate the conventional model of a relationship. If I really like someone that doesn't mean I wanna be with them 24/7 and have our lives fully integrated. I would rather just hang out when we both want to do something so the connection happens organically and doesn't feel like a tedious project.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I hate the conventional model of a relationship. If I really like someone that doesn't mean I wanna be with them 24/7 and have our lives fully integrated. I would rather just hang out when we both want to do something so the connection happens organically and doesn't feel like a tedious project.

I'd say the model of relationship when the two people are living together is conventional for the stage of life when you feel ready to "start a family" with another person, and there's no limit, you might not want it until you're never years old. It is not that unconventional to date long-term, and it's not unrealistic to want that.

 

[Makko]

The only relatioship I'd imagne not turn annoying immediately is if I get a slave that I have complete control over.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

The only relatioship I'd imagne not turn annoying immediately is if I get a slave that I have complete control over.

I know of two very lovely ladies who could be just what you're looking for. One's named Alexa and the other is called Siri...

 

[Makko]

I know of two very lovely ladies who could be just what you're looking for. One's named Alexa and the other is called Siri...

If I sew my phone into a body pillow and hug it, does that count as a relationship?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

If I sew my phone into a body pillow and hug it, does that count as a relationship?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

[TriggerHappy]

I've got a feeling the closer you get (i.e. literally, through living together or even marriage) the more you'll just end up resenting.

... isn't it weird that the reasons; habits & stuff that you were attracted to them for at the beginning - become the reasons that they frustrate / irritate & drive you away at the end...?!

 

[Makko]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.