Are any of you waiting for a new method to magically appear?

[ohhgeeitsme]

It's like when there is nothing to eat but you keep going back to the fridge anyway.

I'll never have the guts to jump. Even though I've attempted partial hanging four times, I'm terrified to even try anymore. It's unfortunate, because this method isn't so bad to me. The only reason I would back out at about the 45 second mark is because I wasn't losing consciousness and the exploding head thing would worry me and I was afraid I was going to do serious damage without dying. I'm terrified of failing with a gun. I mean, what if right before I pull the trigger, my hand randomly twitches or something and I blow off half my face but left alive? I can't do the SN method because I can't take any kind of dopamine blocker without it causing akathisia and I have a very sensitive stomach, so I'll no doubt vomit without it. If I do take it and the akathisia comes back, that means my last minutes would be physical and mental torture, and I'd be wishing I had just jumped to my death instead. No thank you. I have no access to things like fentanyl or heroin, N is practically impossible. Everything else just seems too risky, given the success rates.

So, I feel like my only hope sometimes is that something new will pop up.. someone will figure something out.. some new substance will come out.. something. I've had an abscessed tooth for three years and it still hasn't made its way to my brain. I get excited when I get sharp chest or arm pain, and I think, "Yessss.. Dooo it. BE the heart attack".

I'm not even feeling anywhere near as bad I was the beginning of the year when I attempted, and for the first time since then.. I feel like I can wait a bit longer. But I don't want to wait forever, and I have a feeling it won't be long until something happens and I'll want to go as soon as possible.

People who say suicide is the easy way out have obviously never really gave that any thought whatsoever. Even before I was suicidal, I never understood that.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

The most potent pessimism takes this very form where we can feel convinced that an attempt to escape will only render life worse because that is what happened to us right!

 

[WornOutLife]

Hell yeah! I'm waiting for some magic stuff to pop up so as to get out of here!
Hope we have good luck lol

 

[sadworld]

Yeah, a new method which is perfect in every aspect would be nice!

 

[Kramer]

What helps me jump is knowing teen girls can pull it off. If they can do it, then so can I!

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

We have methods which work but it takes some reading and researching.

There are plenty of methods that work, but the ones that I feel comfortable doing myself are the ones I don't have access to.

 

[Meditation guide]

There are plenty of methods that work, but the ones that I feel comfortable doing myself are the ones I don't have access to.

There are ones you may not have found yet.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

What helps me jump is knowing teen girls can pull it off. If they can do it, then so can I!

The jumping one isn't even so much about worrying I'll fail, even though it is in the back of my mind. It's not really the deterrent. It's just that I know my survival instinct would be too strong for something like that. It's just too scary for me. Which is weird, because there is another part of me that thinks it could actually be pretty amazing, if I was in the right state of mind. One of the biggest reasons I want to end my life is my anxiety disorder and how it causes me to avoid anything that makes me even a little bit anxious, and lucky me.. most adult responsibilities make me anxious.. so I avoid them, and then avoiding them makes me even more anxious so being a responsible adult is nearly impossible for me and I get to feel severely anxious about it. I really do try too. Maybe if I was able to get really high off something, I'd do it.

 

[Meditation guide]

The jumping one isn't even so much about worrying I'll fail, even though it is in the back of my mind. It's not really the deterrent. It's just that I know my survival instinct would be too strong for something like that. It's just too scary for me. Which is weird, because there is another part of me that thinks it could actually be pretty amazing, if I was in the right state of mind. One of the biggest reasons I want to end my life is my anxiety disorder and how it causes me to avoid anything that makes me even a little bit anxious, and lucky me.. most adult responsibilities make me anxious.. so I avoid them, and then avoiding them makes me even more anxious so being a responsible adult is nearly impossible for me and I get to feel severely anxious about it. I really do try too. Maybe if I was able to get really high off something, I'd do it.

I've had a similar problem throughout life and found that when I started pushing myself I actually could accomplish things and it created a set of new feelings that replaced some of the anxiety, such as confidence in myself. I still look back at al the things I passed up due to anxiety but know now I need to give myself a huge push and it usually is a good thing.

 

[Dizzylady80]

I get that, like I wanna die because I've got crippling anxiety but I can't do anything about it because of my crippling anxiety lol it suuuuucks. Like c'mon brain just let me have this. The poem "View from Halfway Down" from Bojack Horseman definitely prevents me from jumping, that and all the horrific failed attempts I've seen online

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

There are ones you may not have found yet.

True, but I have done a lot of digging and nothing really stood out (so far). CO for a while looked good, but I'm an idiot and could very easily mess that up and it just seems too tricky to me.. even though I know it's probably not for the average person. Plus, I'd have to find somewhere else to do it where I wouldn't hurt anyone else and I don't have a car or know anywhere outside I could go without getting caught.

 

[Meditation guide]

True, but I have done a lot of digging and nothing really stood out (so far). CO for a while looked good, but I'm an idiot and could very easily mess that up and it just seems too tricky to me.. even though I know it's probably not for the average person. Plus, I'd have to find somewhere else to do it where I wouldn't hurt anyone else and I don't have a car or know anywhere outside I could go without getting caught.

I am thinking CO too and have the same set of concerns. This is not easy is it.

 

[MindFrog]

I get excited when I get sharp chest or arm pain, and I think, "Yessss.. Dooo it. BE the heart attack".

I dont even know how many times i've thought of that. Dying from heart failure feel like a better way to go, at least people wouldnt know that i want to commit suicide. They just think of it as an unfortunate event.

Helium feels like a good way to go too, problem is it's expensive and hard to find and to hide.

 

[Kramer]

The jumping one isn't even so much about worrying I'll fail, even though it is in the back of my mind. It's not really the deterrent. It's just that I know my survival instinct would be too strong for something like that. It's just too scary for me. Which is weird, because there is another part of me that thinks it could actually be pretty amazing, if I was in the right state of mind. One of the biggest reasons I want to end my life is my anxiety disorder and how it causes me to avoid anything that makes me even a little bit anxious, and lucky me.. most adult responsibilities make me anxious.. so I avoid them, and then avoiding them makes me even more anxious so being a responsible adult is nearly impossible for me and I get to feel severely anxious about it. I really do try too. Maybe if I was able to get really high off something, I'd do it.

My anxiety is paralyzing too.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I've had a similar problem throughout life and found that when I started pushing myself I actually could accomplish things and it created a set of new feelings that replaced some of the anxiety, such as confidence in myself. I still look back at al the things I passed up due to anxiety but know now I need to give myself a huge push and it usually is a good thing.

I've experienced that before. Every now and then, I'll just do it and I do always feel a little better.. but it never lasts for me. You have no idea how hard i've tried to get better. There is more than one cause for anxiety, and it's not always a mental illness.. but after years of doing everything I was supposed to do and really working at it (diet, exercise, meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc) I realized that mine can just can't be cured by lifestyle changes alone.. though it definitely helps a lot. I still try though.

 

[Meditation guide]

I've experienced that before. Every now and then, I'll just do it and I do always feel a little better.. but it never lasts for me. You have no idea how hard i've tried to get better. There is more than one cause for anxiety, and it's not always a mental illness.. but after years of doing everything I was supposed to do and really working at it (diet, exercise, meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc) I realized that mine can just can't be cured by lifestyle changes alone.. though it definitely helps a lot. I still try though.

I'm going to try L theanine:

There's a high level of evidence for L-theanine improving relaxation, and some evidence for it reducing anxiety as well as improving attention and sleep quality.
I've had a lot of luck when I've tried supplements and herbs for various problems.

I would try ketamine infusions too if not for covid. The pandemic has destroyed any chances I've had to venture out in the world.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I'm going to try L theanine:

There's a high level of evidence for L-theanine improving relaxation, and some evidence for it reducing anxiety as well as improving attention and sleep quality.
I've had a lot of luck when I've tried supplements and herbs for various problems.

I take l-theanine. Not as often as I used to, but still do. I spent years, and thousands of dollars, trying all kinds of supplements and herbs and nothing really made a huge difference and some became a problem and messed things up even more. L-theanine was one of the better ones, but still very mild for me. It just kind of took the edge off a little.. but also sometimes not at all. It was after all this that I finally caved and tried an SSRI, because I HAD to get some sleep. I was going days without sleeping. Biggest mistake of my life. I knew the stuff was bad news, but that's how desperate I was. It's what caused my akathisia, which lasted a year and still hasn't completely gone away.. it's why I lost my job, my benefits, my home, most of my belongings and had to move in with my father hundreds of miles from anyone I know. I'm pretty sure I'm just asexual now and will never have a love life again.. but I still haven't completely given up on that. My anxiety is worse now. I swear it slashed my IQ in half.

What other supplements have you tried? Everyone swears by ashwagandha, but it did nothing for me, even when I super dosed ksm-66 for months. Kava makes my anxiety much worse. I've tried a bunch of others.. but so far the only ones that help are ones that cause a dependence and will make it worse when you quit. Go figure haha

 

[Spitfire]

I'm going to try L theanine:

There's a high level of evidence for L-theanine improving relaxation, and some evidence for it reducing anxiety as well as improving attention and sleep quality.
I've had a lot of luck when I've tried supplements and herbs for various problems.

I would try ketamine infusions too if not for covid. The pandemic has destroyed any chances I've had to venture out in the world.

I like L-Theanine.

It has helped me in the past to relax and even to fall sleep. I used to take L-Theanine and Valerian Root supplements together, along with a warm cup of Lemongrass tea and honey. I remember it actually worked for me when taking those three things together. I was wrecked with anxiety and insomnia at the time too.

 

[AutoTap]

Yes and the methods that are easily available are easy to mess up and complex. They arnt straightforward like drink this or what not.

(jumping/train) not option for me.

 

[Meditation guide]

I haven't used any supplements lately. I have a storehouse full of them however. My problems are physical.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I haven't used any supplements lately. I have a storehouse full of them however. My problems are physical.

I'm sorry to hear that. Is it something that can or may get better? I hope so. You seem like a good person, I hate that you're in pain.

 

[foxdie]

I feel this OP. When I sign in I secretly hope there's some new magic easy method knowing full well there won't be. Also when I have panic attacks there's a part of me that hopes I'm having a heart attack lol. Fuck this world... I just want it all to be over.

 

[TooConscious]

I may well be subconsciously as I don't know why I'm still here but for si

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I feel this OP. When I sign in I secretly hope there's some new magic easy method knowing full well there won't be. Also when I have panic attacks there's a part of me that hopes I'm having a heart attack lol. Fuck this world... I just want it all to be over.

Oh, same.. It's pretty sad to be looking forward to a heart attack haha, but it is what is.

 

[foxdie]

Oh, same.. It's pretty sad to be looking forward to a heart attack haha, but it is what is.

Yeah it's pretty morbid. Like every time it's like: omg I might be dying! No wait, just having a panic attack because I need to go to the grocery store. Maybe one day tho haha

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Yeah it's pretty morbid. Like every time it's like: omg I might be dying! No wait, just having a panic attack because I need to go to the grocery store. Maybe one day tho haha

That made me laugh out loud it's so relatable haha.

 

[RepressedMind]

I was hoping that some new drug concoction would appear that could be made using legal drugs here in the netherlands.

 

[LittleJem]

True, but I have done a lot of digging and nothing really stood out (so far). CO for a while looked good, but I'm an idiot and could very easily mess that up and it just seems too tricky to me.. even though I know it's probably not for the average person. Plus, I'd have to find somewhere else to do it where I wouldn't hurt anyone else and I don't have a car or know anywhere outside I could go without getting caught.

My method will be CO in a tent. Also nervous as to whether I am technical enough for this method. But other than that, it looks good.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

My method will be CO in a tent. Also nervous as to whether I am technical enough for this method. But other than that, it looks good.

Just be extremely careful. There was a user here that ended up with severe burns down their leg after attempting CO in a tent with charcoal. They posted pictures and it was very gruesome. Their experience is what turned me off to the idea the most. If I remember correctly, what happened was that they started going into convulsions or something when they passed out and whatever happened, they somehow came into contact with the charcoal. I don't think they woke up right away, but when they did they were in excruciating pain and was hospitalized for a quite a while. Honestly, this kind of scenario hadn't really occurred to me much, so just be extra cautious about the set up.