Venting Apathetic? Complaining?

[Ameya]

My thoughts are no where and everywhere.
This post won't have much structure. Well on a suicide forum people sure don't care about that.
Where do I start? I left school. I couldn't mentally handle the stress. I stayed there to avoid thinking what I should do with myself. Well in between suicide attempts I had during my time there. I have no goals. No wishes. No true desire. I am just kind of there. Existing.
I used to have maybe a goal or a future job, but I lost interest in that. What live has thought me that. It isn't worth it. If I have a dream of doing something I'll be ostrized in the end. No matter the place. I'm an outsider. So it's not worth it. Chasing after anything. It's useless energie spent and time adding with being ignored/bullied. Why try anything? Why chase anything? Everything is fragile like I am. Everyone tells me I still have a lot to live for, bc of my age I get pity, but once I know I am older. People won't care anymore. I don't care anymore. I literally have no motivation for anything. I do something- I'm getting the consequences of pain, grief and loneliness- I do nothing -the same old shit-. I don't know anymore. I thought maybe killing myself will end this cycle of boredom and pain.
Don't ask my age. I don't want that same old pity please. I am a legal adult for the record.

 

[Huntfish34]

Totally understand and right there with you sadly..... Wish I had some encouraging words but Idk anymore honestly..?

Thanks for bringing that up; it's been one of the Main things I've been reminding myself on a daily / constant basis lately. " I'm not living or surviving anymore...... Merely just Here.. Fckn existing... what's the point.. "

Thoughts and prayers to you always, take care of yourself if possible. ♥

 

[FuneralCry]

After all, all that life is, is just an endless tedious cycle of suffering that only leads to us deteriorating from old age and then just eventually dying. Life is all for nothing and leads nowhere really and none of this could certainly ever be worth it, life is something completely useless to me. At least in my case I hate the fact that I still exist when I could already be gone instead. I see no benefit to continuing to exist when what we go through will just continue to get worse as time goes on just causing us to suffer more. But your feelings are completely understandable and make a lot of sense.

But I cannot stand judgemental people who invalidate the suffering that others go through because of the more younger age that they are, people like that usually do such a thing as it makes themselves feel better looking down on others in such an arrogant way.

 

[Uber]

What sort of dream do you believe you'll be ostracized for?

 

[Ameya]

What sort of dream do you believe you'll be ostracized for?

It's not necessarily my dream that is looked down upon. I'd like to help people in the medical field, but my grades were too low.

I will be ostrized if I start working. Aka workplace bullying. I am a walking target for some reason. No matter how hard I try or fight back. Something is just wrong with me. I have worked before in my life. I have been to different places. Its all the same

Being treated like shit basically , no matter where. You don't want to help people anymore.

 

[Uber]

@Ameya what medical field are you interested in?